


Quiet Observations

by BlastEndedHippogriff



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-27
Updated: 2015-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-06 10:50:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4218897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlastEndedHippogriff/pseuds/BlastEndedHippogriff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa and Clarke quickly fall for each other when they become college dorm mates, but Clarke's uncertainty about her sexuality tests their new relationship to its limits. </p>
<p>A college AU with an honorary road trip. Although the 100 TV show doesn't make a big deal out of Clarke's sexuality, I wrote this fic to mirror many members of the LGBT community's first relationship, including my own. I hope you all enjoy. The "M" rating is for chapters further into the work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Lexa slumps against the wall and wipes her brow lightly with her jacket sleeve. She looks at the boxes surrounding her, mentally checking off what she still needs to collect from her aunt Indra’s car. Luckily, she thinks she’s done with the heavy ones, it’s only the few trinkets from home left to move now.

“Move over, you’re blocking the way, Lexa.”

She feels a light shove behind her and turns to see her Uncle Gustus standing adjacent to the dorm room door, boxes piled up in his arms. Lexa laughs lightly and shakes her head. Trust her uncle to try to take all of the boxes at once instead of doing things in stages, the sensible way. She was just grateful that none of the tumbled down on his journey up to her room.

Moving around the boxes now stacked outside the door, she pushes against the door and is surprised to find it doesn’t yield. Gustus groans and takes his turn to slump against the wall.

“Lexa, have you even informed the university that you’ve arrived yet?”

Lexa blushes and shakes her head. She was so excited at seeing her new living quarters that it didn’t even occur to her that a key would be necessary. Gustus rolls his eyes and lets out a short laugh. A small smile tugs at Lexa’s mouth as she straightens herself up.

“Eh… Just give me a minute. I’ll run down to the doorman’s office and sign myself in.”

Before waiting for Gustus’s answer, she darts through the maze of her belongings and hurtles down the stairwell. She bumps into a girl halfway down and briefly excuses herself, but doesn’t wait to make some kind of conversation. Within seconds she reaches the lobby of the building, and internally groans when she sees the short queue of students all waiting to sign themselves in.

She resigns herself to waiting in line with others, and quietly fiddles with her braid as she observes the scene around her. Most people are doing as she did hours ago; parents are checking the floor plan, planning the optimum route to move their child’s belongings from the trunk of their car to the dorm room while their kids begin to casually mingle while they fill out forms and collect keys. Lexa new this would happen, so she arrived a few hours earlier than the suggested time to ensure that she missed this mild chaos. Lexa always liked to be prepared.

Her eyes wander until they lock with the only vaguely familiar face in the room. It was the girl that she bumped into on the stairwell, this time looking a lot less flustered. She smiles and nods in acknowledgement of Lexa, who can only briefly smile back and quickly averts her gaze. She mentally scolds herself; how is she supposed to make friends in such a huge place if she can’t even look people in the eye? It’s only the first day and she has someone that she’s already going to be awkward around for the rest of the year due to this one bad encounter. Then again, she isn’t surprised. Social interactions were never really her strong suit anyway.

She hears someone clear their throat and her head spins around to attention. A bright-eyed young man is sitting at the desk, and she is surprised to see that the queue dissipated in front of her while she was daydreaming. He beckons her forward and she complies.

“Hey there, my name’s Bellamy Blake, and I’m going to be your RA this year. Do you know what an RA does?”

Lexa silently nods, more focused on maintaining eye contact than anything else. She needs to appear confident and strong, especially on her first day.

“Great, I have to ask, some people come to college knowing all the lingo, others have no clue. You seem well prepared though.”

Lexa nods again, and briefly smiles. This guy seemed nice and welcoming, very well suited to his job.

“So, can I ask for your name? You’ve already been sent your room details by email, so I just need to verify your identity, hand over the keys, and wish you luck with the unpacking!” Bellamy says, smiling again with ease.

“Lexa, Lexa Woods”. She fumbles in her pocket and brings out her driver’s license along with her passport. She remembered the introductory documents she was sent mentioned that two pieces of ID were required, although she thought that was overkill. Who would want to pretend to be her just so they could take her dorm room?

She hands them over to Bellamy, who smiles and quickly checks them. He seems briefly interested in all the visas stamped into Lexa’s passport, and for a moment she is self conscious. She is well traveled, and she knows that she is fortunate in that aspect. However, she didn’t know how he’d react to this subtle sign on wealth. Some react well, others don’t. To her relief, he simply nods, types something into a computer and grabs some keys hanging on the wall behind him.

“It all seems to be in check. Here’s your key; it’s an old building, so the lock can sometimes be a little stiff, but don’t worry about it. Jiggle it around in the keyhole a few times and normally it’ll work after a while.”

Lexa laughs quietly and moves to take the key. It’s cold in her grasp, but it also excites her. It finally feels real, the whole process of her moving away from home. She lets out a little laugh and mutters a thank you to Bellamy before turning on her heel and striding back to the stairwell. She runs up them two at a time, mildly concerned that her aunt would also be waiting in the corridor for her to return. Gustus could be patient, for her, Indra would not.

She bursts into corridor and is surprised to see that it is utterly empty. She quickly checks the floor number on the plaque outside, which confirms that she’s on the right floor. Confused, she begins to walk towards her room, and peers her head around the door which she’s surprised to see is now open.

The scene surprises her. Gustus has his back to her, and is talking animatedly to a figure that’s invisible to Lexa due to his large frame. Indra appears busy, starting to unpack boxes, but Lexa can tell by the smirk on her face that she’s listening to whatever story Gustus is telling.

Perplexed, Lexa steps into the room and clears her throat. Indra’s eyes dart up towards her, and immediately frowns. Clearly, Lexa’s delay with the key was noticed, but Indra offers no explanation as to how she managed to enter the previously locked room. Gustus turns around more slowly, and waves Lexa further into the room.

“Lexa, you took your time. Your roommate here arrived before you did, and was kind enough to let us in and even offered to carry some of your boxes. Get yourself in here and introduce yourself”

Lexa’s breath hitches when she sees the person that Gustus was talking to, and groans to herself. It’s the girl from the stairwell, who seems far more amused than Lexa about the situation they were both in. Grinning, the girl steps forward, and extends her hand before her.

“Hey, I’m Clarke. Delighted to meet you.”

Lexa takes her hand and shakes it, and is surprised to find that it’s somewhat calloused. She looks up and is startled to see how blue this girl’s eyes are. They’re not one shade of blue, but a mixture, and intense cacophony of colour that draws Lexa in. She quickly averts her gaze, instead focusing on the bridge of Clarke’s nose. It was a trick that Gustus taught her a while ago. Most people couldn’t tell difference between when you looked them in the eye or looked at their nose, so this gimmick allowed her to act as if she was confident enough to stare someone down even when she wasn’t.

“I’m Lexa, Lexa Woods,” she found herself saying for the second time that day. “It’s a pleasure to meet you too.”

“Oh, I know who you are. Your uncle has already told me a few things about you.” Clarke says, smirking as she watches Lexa blush before her. Lexa wishes she could glare at her uncle and demand to know what information he divulged, but she refrains from doing so.

Gustus guffaws at his niece’s expression, and shakes his head. Indra even looks a little amused. Lexa begins to stutter something, but Clarke cuts her off before she makes a fool of herself.

“He was just telling me about what you did for the summer. Backpacking across Europe, that’s pretty impressive.”

“Yeah, it was pretty fun. A nice break before college.” Lexa replies, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. Her eyes dart back to Gustus, who’s grinning over Clarke’s shoulder.

Indra steps forward and puts her hand on Gustus’s arm, subtly indicating with her head that they should take their cue to leave. Taking the hint, Gustus steps forward and interrupts the awkward tension between the two girls.

“Lexa, we hate to leave to do most of the unpacking to yourself, but we should really get going before the roads get swamped with more parents bringing their kids here.” The look on his face indicated that he really wasn’t that sorry to leave her to do the unpacking, but he did look sad to leave her.

Clarke clears her throat and moves to step out of Gustus and Indra’s way.

“I’ll go start to take my stuff from the car so you guys can say your goodbyes.” Clarke turns and looks intently at Lexa. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

She brushes past Lexa on her way out, and Lexa briefly catches the scent of her hair. It smelled like coconut, fresh and sweet and just like summer. Before she can familiarise herself with the smell, Clarke is gone, and Lexa must face the hard task of saying goodbye to her family.

She didn’t expect much emotion from Indra, and accepted the stiff hug from her aunt. She knew she cared about her, but neither woman was accustomed to much physical contact. Gustus was much more forward in his display of affection, wrapping Lexa in a tight bear hug, swaying her gently from side to side. She let out a gentle laugh at his antics, and feels some tears springing to her eyes.

_Stop, Lexa. Don’t get emotional about this. Be strong, you always need to be strong._

“You know where we are if you need us. We can Skype at any time you want, but don’t be too worried about us. Go, enjoy your time here. You’ve worked hard, you deserve it.”

“And learn every word of those text books, mind you. They were expensive, and they’re not for show.” Indra interjects, but Lexa can only roll her eyes and laugh. They both know that Lexa intended on doing that anyway, the advice was superfluous. It’s all she ever did her whole life; study hard, succeed, study some more, succeed some more.

“Okay, we better get going before Clarke gets back. Make friends with her, Lexa. She seems like a good girl. And, you never know…” Gustus offers an exaggerated wink to her, and Lexa finds herself blushing again. She’s doing that far too much today, and mentally makes a note that she has to find a way to hide it.

A few more words were said before Indra and Gustus finally left the room. Lexa lets out a few deep breaths and wipes the few tears away before turning to move some of her boxes out of the way before Clarke returned. They had a bad enough start as is, she didn't need to get on her roommate's nerves even more before they grow to know each other.  
She's startled when she sees Clarke leaning against the door, a box under her arm, looking casual yet concerned. She moves to her bed and puts the box down before standing in front of Lexa, arms wrapped firmly around her chest.

"You okay? I didn't want to interrupt before, I know goodbyes can be hard. "

Lexa doesn't want to, but she bristles at the comment. She hates to appear weak in any way, let alone before this girl. She stiffens her back and replies.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just... Never mind. Do you need any assistance with your bags?"

Clarke smiles, and Lexa realises how pretty the girl before her is. Her blonde hair is neatly pulled back into a braid from her temples, and the rest hangs loose around her shoulders. Her teeth, exposed by her wide grin, are straight and white, and Lexa can tell that she endured years of braces to get them in such a condition. Suddenly, Lexa is concerned that she's staring and missed Clarke's response to her question. Embarrassed, she asks her to repeat it.

"I said that that would be great, but you really don't have to. I didn't come here with a lot of stuff and my mom should be up any minute with the first case. Besides, it may be more useful if you clear some of your stuff off the floor, otherwise we'd have to spend all day trying to figure out who owns what."

Lexa nods in understanding, and watches Clarke make her way out of the dorm room. She can't help but feel mildly disappointed at the refusal of her offer of help, and figures that she probably wouldn't have minded sorting through her stuff with Clarke.

_Lexa, you've known this girl all of thirty minutes. This is infatuation with a pretty girl, you know this is ridiculous._

She shakes herself and sets down to work. Straight girl crushes never did her any good in the past, and she wasn't about to let another one ruin her first week in college, let alone make things awkward with her roommate. No, Lexa knew better than that.

\----------------------------

Hours later, Clarke is nearly finished unpacking her stuff with her mother, and Lexa is pinning up the last few of her pictures on the wall around her bunk. These snapshots are supposed to serve as a reminder of happy times, but Lexa can't help but look at them with a heavy heart. So much has changed recently, she doesn't know if she'll ever feel that light-hearted again.

Behind her, she can hear Clarke laugh at something her mother said. She had introduced herself as Abby when Clarke brought her in the first time, and some light conversation was made before they all returned to their job of unpacking. They would occasionally try to draw Lexa into conversation, but she largely resisted their attempts. It's not that she didn't like them; she just tried to afford Clarke whatever little privacy with her mother that she could offer before they had to say their own goodbyes. Or, at least, that was the latest excuse she was telling herself to cover up her awkwardness.

"Lexa, did you hear that?"

Startled, Lexa snaps out of her trance and bashfully asks them to repeat the question, internally scolding herself for not being alert. She realises that she probably seems detached or rude, and unfortunate side of herself to display to her new roommate.

"Oh, I just asked what's your major. You seem to have brought a lot of books with you there." Abby asks, eyes scanning over the tomes that are stacked on Lexa's bedside locker.

"Oh, I'm doing law and French, and I'm going to dabble in economics on the side, just to keep my options open."

Abby's eyes widen in surprise.

"Oh, wow, you're certainly going to keep yourself busy this year. My little Clarke's starting premed this year, so your timetable may nearly be as busy as her's, by the sounds of things."

Clarke blushes at the comment, and seems uneasy at the fact that Abby seems to be belittling Lexa's subject choice. Lexa doesn't mind too much; if there's anything more arrogant than a medic, it's the parent of a medic. Especially when that medic is a top-ranked surgeon herself, as Lexa vaguely remembers Clarke saying earlier.

The small talk continues like that for a while before someone knocks on the door, mildly surprising them all.

"Hey there, I'm sorry to disturb, but I'm your new neighbour, and I just wanted to introduce... Lexa?"

Lexa is surprised to recognise the small girl standing in her doorway, although struggles to remember her name. She remembers that they had some junior boxing matches against each other at summer tournaments, but their relationship never existed outside of those few days of the year.

"Oh, sorry, I see you have company," she directs her attention to Clarke and Abby, who are looking somewhat confused. "My name's Octavia Blake. I'm studying sociology and French, and I got here a few days ago."

Clarke smiles and extends her hand towards Octavia, and Lexa feels a flutter in her stomach. She can't quite place why. Clarke makes an introduction similar to that Octavia just presented, and they stand awkwardly for a few minutes before Octavia returns her attention Lexa again.

"I had no idea that you were coming here too. Small world, isn't it? What are you doing?"

"Yeah, I guess. I'm doing law, French and some economics. I suppose we'll be sharing some classes then."

Octavia beams at this, although Lexa is unsure why. Maybe it was just the comfort of a friendly (although largely antisocial) face in the crowd, although Lexa recalls that Octavia never really had issues making friends at tournaments.

"That would be great! When we get our schedules we can coordinate things so we can have some tutorials together, if you want. Anyway, I also came over here to let you know that there's going to be a corridor welcoming party tomorrow night if you want to clear your schedules. I need to run to finish my unpacking now, but I hope to see you guys there."

Lexa was about to make up some excuse about wanting to get ahead on work before Clarke interjects.

"We'd love to, Octavia. We'll see you tomorrow."

Octavia grins widely before making her way out. Abby turns to Clarke and looks excitedly at her.

"Look at you, off to your first college party! God, it seems like days ago that it was your first preschool birthday party."

Clarke rolls her eyes, but she's laughing anyway. She rolls in and her mother gives her a quick hug. The scene makes Lexa smile, but she suddenly feels awkward, as if she's watching a scene that should remain private. Her discomfort only lasts a few more seconds before Clarke looks down at her watch and indicates to her mom.

"It's getting late, we should go grab some dinner before you need to head off."

Abby nods, and Lexa is surprised when she turns to her.

"Lexa, we're going to grab some food now at the local diner, you're welcome to join us if you want."

Although touched by the offer, Lexa rattles off one of her automatic responses before she can think otherwise.

"That's very kind of you, but I'm eager to get my belongings organised before the party tomorrow. Thanks, though."

Abby nods in understanding, and Lexa can't help but think Clarke looks somewhat disappointed. Or maybe Lexa is just hoping that she's disappointed, and projecting this feeling onto the slight crease that appeared on Clarke's forehead.

Abby moves towards the door, and Clarke goes to follow. Just before she leaves, she turns to Lexa and smiles as she closes the door behind her.

Lexa releases the breath that she didn't even realise that she was holding, and plonked down on her bed. She holds her head on her hands and sighs. If she ever wanted to make friends, she was going to have to get used to saying "yes" instead of "no".

Especially if it was someone like Clarke doing the offering.


	2. Chapter Two

Lexa stands in front of the mirror, trying to figure out what to wear to the party that night. She's mildly concerned by the continued absence of her roommate, but Lexa can't blame her for not returning; she already has a sore back after the mattress in her room. She knows that if she said one word to Gustus he would have a new one sent over immediately, but she doesn't want that. She has no desire to be that stereotypical rich kid.

 

There's a rattle outside the door, and then silence. Lexa ignores it, until it starts again. Curious, she walks towards that door and pulls it open to investigate, and startles to see Clarke staring back at her, clearly flustered.

 

"Oh, hi Lexa. I was trying to open the door, but my key got stuck. Sorry to disturb you."

 

"You're not disturbing me, Clarke. You live here too now."

 

She moves sideways to let the blonde in, and can't help but catch the scent of her hair again. Clarke drops her bag onto her bed and turns to look at Lexa. There's some tension between them, and Lexa isn't quite sure how to break it. She desperately runs through the standard conversation starters that she googled before arriving at college, before Clarke takes it upon herself to relieve the awkwardness.

 

"I'm sorry I didn't return last night. My mom's staying at a nearby hotel before she flies back to DC tomorrow, so I decided to enjoy one last night of comfort before settling in properly. I know it's probably not the best roommate behaviour, but we'll have plenty of time to get to know each other over the next year."

 

Lexa can only smile shyly at the girl in front of her, unsure of what to say next. Luckily, Clarke seems like quite the talker as she pushes the conversation further.

 

"So, are you getting ready for tonight? I'm not much of a partier, and something tells me that you're not either, but the chance of free food was something I didn't want to pass up."

 

Clarke laughs at her own joke, and Lexa joins her. She turns back to the mirror and fiddles with her clothes again. She's wearing an open red plaid shirt over a black tank top, paired with her favourite black skinny jeans and patent black leather Converse. Lexa never usually cared about her appearance, but she's suddenly concerned that she's underdressed for the occasion. This was one of the things that no amount of reading could ever prepare her for. 

 

She finally decides to just settle for what she's wearing and stop acting so self-conscious. She's vaguely aware of Clarke rummaging through her suitcases behind her, presumably looking for her own ensemble for tonight. Lexa runs into their shared bathroom while it's still free and quickly applies some basic make-up, something that's once again out of character for her. She can't decide if she does it so it appears that she's making an effort for the first time that she meets people, or if she's doing it as a distraction from her anxiousness at meeting these people. Perhaps a bit of both.

 

Lexa steps back into her dorm room, and promptly stops dead in her tracks.

 

Clarke is standing topless in the middle of the room, holding up different shirts to herself in the mirror, comparing them. She turns to Lexa, as if about to ask her opinion, but stops before she says anything when she notices that Lexa's gaping at her exposed body, notably her breasts covered by a blue lace bra. The brunette flushes red when she realises what she's doing, and quickly trains her eyes on Clarke's nose again, not even bothering to try eye contact. She knows she wouldn't be able to maintain it out of sheer embarrassment. 

 

"Uh, hey Lexa. Glad you're ready. I was just going to ask you which of these tops looks better with these pants, I'm not really good at this sort of thing..."

 

Lexa forces herself to make a quick decision before she succumbs to temptation to ogle her room mate behaviour. Whatever Clarke said about good etiquette before, Lexa certainly was not displaying it. She normally had far more self-control than this. 

 

Clarke muttered a thank you before pulling the sky-blue blouse over her head. Lexa wanted to say that she chose it because blue suited her eyes, but stopped before doing so. She didn't need to make this conversation any worse than it already was. 

 

"I saw you were going casual, so I decided to follow suit. If we're both underdressed, at least we'll have an ally in our inadequacy."

 

Lexa laughs again, and quickly realises that the blonde has done most of the talking since she arrived back to the room. 

 

Talking is sort of an important factor in making friends, Lexa. Come on, say anything. 

 

"Yeah, well, you seem to make casual look cool and chic, so it may just be me standing awkwardly in the corner looking at the beautiful college kids while feeling inadequate."

 

_ Lexa, what was that? You've managed to flirt with the girl and fall into the pit of self-depreciation all in one mangled sentence. Welcome back to the loner club, because this is not how normal people make friends.  _

 

Thankfully, Clarke just laughs and blushes at the odd compliment that had just been paid before starting to get her handbag ready. Lexa's stomach flutters again when she laughs. She was growing to like the feeling. 

 

Lexa wasn't going to bother with a bag (her pockets had ample space for everything she needs), so she just sits on her bed and observes Clarke before her. She can't help but notice the cute frown that the blonde makes as she sifts through the few things that she has unpacked. It seems like she's looking for something in particular, but can't find it. Lexa doesn't know if it's polite to ask what she's looking for or not, but thankfully Clarke once again saves her from having to make that decision. 

 

"Hey, do you have an iPhone charger? I can't seem to find mine."

 

Lexa too eagerly and immediately takes hers out of her nearly packed drawer. She hands it over to Clarke, their fingers lightly brushing in the exchange. 

 

"I don't actually use it for an iPhone," Lexa says as she returns to her position on the bed, "I use it for my iPad, which I don't actually use that often. You can keep the charger for as long as you need, until you find your own."

 

"Wow, an iPad, that's fancy," Clarke says, raising her eyebrows in surprise.

 

"Well, so is an iPhone," Lexa retorts.

 

"Not really, I only have it because my mom couldn't work it properly and decided to go back to blockias. It's actually a few generations old, but the charger still fits."

 

"Oh, I see." Lexa is suddenly uncomfortable at Clarke's comment. She would have assumed that the daughter of a top surgeon would have the latest model, but she didn't question it. Maybe Clarke just didn't care about the latest gadget fashion as much as the throngs of her peers did.

 

Before they can fall into another bout of silence, there's a knock on there door. Seeing as Clarke is busy with her phone, Lexa strides over and opens it to see a smiling Octavia, accompanied by a large brooding man beside her. Lexa shoots her a mildly confused look before composing herself.

 

"Hey, Lexa, hey Clarke. This is my boyfriend Lincoln, we came here to study together. We're super lucky that we both got in," Octavia shoots Lincoln an adoring look, and Lexa can immediately tell that they're one of those couples that had no issues with PDAs. Lexa hated those kind of couples. "Anyway, are you guys ready? We were just about to head to the rec room now." 

 

Lexa nods in acknowledgement to Lincoln, who nods back with a severe look on his face. She looks back to Clarke, who smiles and nods at her, which Lexa assumes means she's set to go.

 

"Sure, we're ready. Let's go."

 

\----------------------

 

The music's blaring already, and Lexa's surprised that she couldn't hear it from her room. She doubts that the building is modern enough to have soundproofing, so assumes that the door is just extraordinarily heavy. That could be beneficial for ignoring the antics of her fellow students in future, she thinks.

 

_ Lexa, do you even want to make friends? Finding ways to ignore them isn't quite the way to do that. _

 

Clarke walks close to her, and both are trailing Octavia and Lincoln, who are walking arm in arm towards the rec room. Despite her dislike for displays of affection, Lexa can't deny that they looked oddly cute, despite the huge size mismatch between the two. Lincoln hugely dwarfs her, but seems gentle in spite of his sheer bulk. 

 

"I know that this sort of thing is supposed to be exciting, but I'm actually kind of nervous. I don't really drink, which seems to be the main aim of these things. I'm more of a pizza and movie kind of girl." 

 

Lexa is surprised by the information just offered by Clarke; she knows that the blonde mentioned her lack of enthusiasm for parties earlier, but Clarke seems to exude confidence. There's no hint of anxiety in her voice, and Lexa wonders if she's just saying these words to make the obviously agitated Lexa feel slightly better.

 

"Yeah, me too. I don't know how long I'll stay, though. You should know that I'm an early riser, I like to jog in the mornings."

 

Clarke turns fully towards Lexa and gives her a full look over, causing the latter girl to blush. Lexa knew that she had a good body; she worked hard to ensure that. That doesn't make her any more confident when someone is visually inspecting her, though.

 

"You're an athlete, I assume. Track?"

 

"Boxing, actually."

 

Clarke's eyebrows lift in surprise. Lexa's used to such a reaction; rich girls usually do hockey, not boxing. Maybe that's what attracted her to the sport in the first place.

 

"Oh, wow, that's intense. I'm normally in a comatose state in the morning, but if the jog helps you ensure that you're not knocked unconscious in the ring then I guess I can tolerate it," she laughs to herself, and Lexa smiles with her. "I need to get used to getting up for 9 am lectures anyway, college isn't very considerate of premeds' sleeping schedules."

 

"Well, maybe one day you'll be able to get up early enough to join me for a jog." 

 

_ Lexa, if this is you flirting, it's worse than pathetic. The girl just pointed out that she likes her sleep. A jog at five in the morning is not something that she'd enjoy. _

 

Lexa's astonished to see that Clarke looks like she's considering the offer. Before she can get a response, they reach the doors to the rec room, and Octavia is waiting a few feet ahead of them before they venture in. Her excitement is probably more than the sum total of her three companions combined, but that doesn't seem to bother her. 

 

"Clarke, Lexa, Lincoln," she eyes each of them in turn, clearly trying to maintain a straight face. "College life is about to begin."

 

\-------------

 

Two hours in and Lexa is wishing that she had never come to the party. She's sitting on the couch, with the same cheap beer in her hand as she had at the start of the party. Octavia and Lincoln stuck around for all of five minutes before finding a secluded corner for themselves, and Clarke stayed for slightly longer until she saw someone that she recognised from some summer school she did a while back and went over to talk with them, leaving Lexa alone.

 

Lexa doesn't mind being alone, but what she can't figure out is why she's staying. She figures it's some perverted loyalty to stick around until the people she came with were done with the party, although she knows it's unrealistic that she'd actually leave with Octavia and Lincoln. That left Clarke. Yes, she was probably staying for Clarke.

 

"Looking at the cool kids won't really make you one of them."

 

Lexa looks up and seems a tall girl standing over her, extending a beer in her direction. Too awkward to refuse, she hides her now warm beer on the couch beside her and takes the offering from the girl. Interpreting this as an invitation for further conversation, the girl sits beside her and cracks open her own beer.

 

"I'm Anya, second year lawyer, and last year I was the girl sitting on the couch watching the world go by at my first party too. Don't worry, these things really don't matter. You'll make friends in other ways, this really just serves as to separate the drinkers from those more serious about their studies." 

 

Lexa nods and takes a swig of her beer. It was just as bad as the last bottle, but she didn't really expect any better anyway.

 

"Wow, maybe you're even worse than I was. At least I talked to the people who tried to make friends with me."

 

Lexa flushes with embarrassment as the girl points out her impoliteness, and tried to motivate herself into furthering her conversation with the one person who's taken an interest in her for the past couple of hours.

 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. I'm Lexa, first year lawyer. Pleased to meet you."

 

She extended her hand towards Anya, who smirked and shook it.

 

Their conversation lasted for a few hours until people started to leave the party to move on to the nearby club. Lexa discovers that Anya was top of her year in her exams last year, a feat that Lexa can only be in awe of. Topics of discussion remain fairly light, ranging from societies to the debating scene, until Clarke suddenly interrupts the pair.

 

"Hey, Lexa. You enjoying the party?" Clarke doesn't wait for a response before she continues. "A few people that I've been talking too and interested into going to a nearby bar called Grounders, you interested in coming? I tried to find Octavia and Lincoln, but I have already gone back to his place."

 

Lexa's touched by the offer, but she figures that it stems from the same obligation that caused Lexa to stay at the party in the first place. Lexa politely refuses, and but tells Clarke to have a good time. The blonde smiles back at her before turning to rejoin her gang of friends.

 

There's one guy in particular who seems to take a particular interest in Clarke. He has a ridiculous bird's nest haircut, and smiles widely when Clarke makes her way back to them. He puts his arm around her, and Lexa feels her heart clench suddenly. Her jealously must be evident on her face, as she can hear Anya laugh beside her.

"I wasn't going to make any assumptions based on your attire, but I can see by the look on your face that you're gay as fuck. I can see your heart in your eyes, Lexa. Although, seeing as you've known her all of 24 hours I'm surprised by the degree of your infatuation."

 

Lexa curses herself as she blushes, but decides that there's no point in hiding it. Anya may be the only ally that she has at the moment.

 

"Come on, just admit it. I've watched enough of Faking It to know that nothing good ever comes of straight girl crushes. It's best just to forget it now, especially if she's your room mate."

 

"Okay, okay, I admit it. I've a slight infatuation for Clarke, but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before. It's stupid, but I fall for people pretty easily," she shrugs at her own admission, trying to brush it off casually. "I'll get over it as soon as she comes in drunk at 4 am, I'm sure."

 

Despite her words, Lexa's pretty unsure that that will happen. She believed Clarke when she said she was much of a partier, but who knew what could happen at one's first night in college.

 

"Fine, fine, whatever you say Heart Eyes. Don't come crying to me over your inevitably broken heart. Just be warned; that guy getting comfortable with your girl is Finn, the coolest guy in my year. He mightn't look like much with his crazy hair, but he has a reputation as a bit of a lady killer. Clarke won't even give her doe-eyed roomie a second glance once he has an eye on her."

 

"Woah there Anya, I think you're taking this a bit far. It's a tiny crush, really. I'd rather we dropped this now."

 

Anya shrugs, but she has a knowing look on her face. 

 

Lexa hates it when people know things that she doesn't.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that this update was pretty prompt, but that was because it was largely prewritten. Expect the next one in 2-3 days. I promise the pace will pick up a bit from here on in.


	3. Chapter Three

Lexa sits on Octavia’s bed, facing the other girl, French textbook open in her lap. Octavia had been right; due their shared language and common interest in boxing, they began to spend a lot of time together. They started to train together in the gym, and were incidentally paired as French oral practice partners. This coincidence appealed to Lexa; she much preferred it when circumstances created friendships, as opposed to exerting effort herself.She also found Octavia a surprisingly easy person to be friends with.

 

“Okay, focus Lexa. Try that last passage again, but this time put more passion into it. This is French we’re talking about. It’s the language of love, not a tool for boring people to death, in spite of what our professor thinks. ”

 

Lexa rolls her eyes but smiles at the comment. Anya wasn’t the only one who had noticed Lexa’s apparent adoration for her room mate, and neither girl was subtle about their acknowledgement for it, teasing Lexa on the matter at any opportunity they could.

 

Lexa shakes herself and tries to concentrate. In truth, she found herself more and more distracted recently, much to her own dismay. It’s not like she saw Clarke that much, but that was quite possibly the cause of her current state. From past experience, Lexa discovered that prolonged exposure to her crushes often helps ease the pain. The more she saw their disinterest, the less enthused she became. 

 

Her relationship with Clarke seems to buck this trend.

 

Her heart still flutters when she sees her walk into the room. Her new favourite pastime was coaxing one of her beautiful smiles out of her, despite the brevity of any of their conversations. When Clarke emerges from her showers, it takes all of Lexa’s willpower not to state at her seemingly perfect form. She allows herself to indulge in the smell, though. Clarke uses the same shampoo as when they met for the first time, much to Lexa’s delight.

 

But, most importantly, Lexa’s soul is crushed a little bit more each time she sees her with Finn Collins.

 

Anya was right about what she said at the party; even if Clarke had displayed even the slightest bit of interest in Lexa, it would have been overwhelmed by Finn’s apparent quest to win Clarke to his side. A quest that he was succeeding all too well in. Lexa had no idea if what was between them was any way “official”, but part of her didn’t want to know either. 

 

“Lexa, come on! What is with you today? At this rate, I’m going to jump you in the class rankings, and I know you don’t want to lose your pristine position at number one.”

 

“Sorry, Octavia. I’m just a bit light-headed, I guess,” Lexa says, making up an excuse that she knows Octavia probably won’t buy. “Can you repeat the question?”

 

Octavia sighs and closes the book in front of her.

 

“Come on, Heart Eyes. Tell me what’s up.” Even though Octavia and Anya didn’t spend much time together (Lexa seemed to only be able to socialise with one of the girls at a time), she still managed to pick up this annoying habit. Lexa decided that there was no point in trying to hide from Octavia, seeing as she already called her out on it twice in the past five minutes.

 

“It’s just Clarke. She didn’t come back to the room last night.”

 

Octavia nods solemnly, knowing what that means without needing further explanation. Although Lexa refuses to hate Finn for being with Clarke, Octavia is a very loyal friend, and has no qualms with despising the boy on her behalf.

 

“Lexa, you’ve been pining after this girl for nearly two months now. You either need to tell her about it, or try and get back in the game and find someone else.”

 

“Trust me, Octavia. Trying to find someone else has only ever ended in disaster for me in the past. It’s best to just wait it out. I’ll get over it eventually.”

 

“You said that to me three weeks ago. I’m still waiting for you to say it with any sort of conviction.”

 

Lexa groaned and threw a stuffed animal at Octavia’s head. She didn’t need this right now, but she knew that her friend wasn’t going to relent.

 

“Before you get all grouchy, just hear me out. There’s a party in the rec room this weekend, and I’ve some mutual friends with this Finn Collins guy. I’m sure I can distract him for a few minutes while you talk to Clarke. Try to coax any information out of her you can about whether or not she’s bi, and then-“

 

“How on earth am I supposed to do that?! It’s not exactly the kind of thing we’d normally talk about.”

 

“Are you out to her yet?”

 

“Well, no. I didn’t know if she’d be comfortable about that sort of thing, seeing as we share a room and all.”

 

“Okay, then come out to her. Find a way to do it. If she’s bi, she may say it after you open up. Trust me. It won’t necessarily break her and Finn up, but at least you’ll know that when their relationship eventually fails, you’ll have the chance to come in and save the princess from her despair.”

 

Lexa feels like throwing another pillow at Octavia for her dramatics, but decides against it. As much as she doesn’t want to admit it to the other girl, it’s the best plan she has at the moment. 

 

For the first time in her life, she's looking forward to the prospects that the party would bring.

 

———————————————

 

Her attire for the party closely matches that which she wore to her first (and, so far, only) college party in the rec room. It was as stereotypically “gay” as she could get without falling into butch stereotypes or wearing a rainbow flag as some sort of cape. She’s added a new beanie to the ensemble, partially because of the cooling nights, and partially because she’s been reliably told by Octavia that it makes her look “even more adorable”.

 

Clarke is wearing much more traditional party clothing. Although she’s still not a keen partygoer, she attends more of these events than Lexa does, and knows more of what’s expected of her. She makes no comment on Lexa’s outfit, and the pair make light conversation about their work schedule for the rest of the weekend before Octavia barges into the room, not even bothering to knock. Anya slinks in closely behind her, an amused look on her face.

 

“Hey Clarke, you look stunning! And Lexa, more gay, than ever I see.”

 

Lexa’s eyes widen at the comment, before realising what Octavia was really up to. She obviously didn’t have enough faith in Lexa to come out herself over the course of the night, so just went ahead and did it for her. Normally, Lexa would be horrified at such divulgence of personal information, but she’s slightly relieved. At least the onus is on Clarke to bring the topic up later in the night, if Octavia manages to separate her from Finn.

 

Lexa’s eyes dart to Clarke, who’s looking at Lexa with mild curiosity.

 

_ Well, at least no reaction isn’t a bad reaction. _

 

Anya interjects before the silence becomes an awkward one. Apparently Octavia’s filled her in on the plans for tonight.

 

“Come on, O. You’ve already had a lot to drink, and I promised Lincoln that I’d at least get you to the party safely. Clarke, Lexa, you guys can come join us whenever you’re ready.”

 

Before Lexa can say anything, Clarke steps forward and unexpectedly puts her hand on Lexa’s arm.

 

“Don’t worry, guys. We’re ready to go.”

 

————————————-

 

Finn jumped on Clarke as soon as they entered the doors to the rec room, leaving Octavia, Anya and Lexa to move to the couch positioned in the middle of the room. As soon as Clarke’s out of ear shot, Anya bursts out laughing as Lexa turns on Octavia.

 

“Octavia, what was that power play you pulled in my room?”

 

“That, my friend, was genius. Clarke’s curious now. She may want to talk to you about this newfound information. I’ve just made you more interesting to her. You should really be thanking me.”

 

By the way the girl’s slurring her words, Lexa can tell that Anya wasn’t lying when she said that Octavia had a few things to drink before arriving to the party. Sighing, Lexa decides not to push the issue any further. She just needs to remain calm in case Clarke took an interest in speaking to her again at any stage that night.

 

“I agree with O, Heart Eyes. This has been going on far too long. Clarke needs to at least develop some inkling that you’re interested if you ever want this to go any further.”

 

Lexa suddenly grows irritated. She hates it when people gang up on her, even if they’re her friends.Before she can bark an angry comment back at the older girl, she feels a tap on her shoulder and snaps her head around, angry to be interrupted. She immediately softens when she sees who it is doing the interrupting.

 

“Hello again, sorry for being dragged off last time,” Clarke says, apparently unaware of Octavia practically squealing with joy on the couch beside the brunette. “Lexa, would you like to come and meet some of my friends? I feel bad that we’ve been room mates all this time and I haven’t even properly introduced you guys, seeing as you’ve extended that very courtesy to me.”

 

Lexa blushes when she realises that Clarke knows that Anya and Octavia are pretty much her only friends here. She got on well with Lincoln, although they seldom saw each other without Octavia being wrapped around his arm. Anya subtly nudges her, and Lexa realises that she needs to reply quickly so she doesn't seem rude.

 

“Sure, Clarke. That sounds great.” Lexa gets up to follow Clarke, and pretends to ignore the winks she receives from her two companions.

 

_ You need to give them both a lesson as to what it means to be subtle. Although, seeing as your current moniker is “Heart Eyes”, I don’t know if you’re quite qualified to do that. _

 

Lexa gasps softly as she feels Clarke’s hand wrap around her own. She assumes that it’s a precaution taken so that they don’t become separated in the crowd, but she’s not complaining. This is the most intimate that she’s been to date, and she loves it. The hand is calloused, like she remembers, and Lexa makes a mental note to ask her about it at a more suitable time.

 

When they finally reach the side of the room where Clarke’s friends have situated themselves, Lexa suddenly grows nervous. She knows that Finn will be there, and despite her knowing a lot about him (largely through persistent questions in directed at Anya), the two had never actually spoken.

 

“Guys, I’d like you to meet my room mate, Lexa. Lexa, these are my friends Raven, Monty, Jasper, Bellamy, Wells, Murphy and Finn.” Clarke indicates to each person in turn, and Lexa tries to keep up. She’s intrigued as to why she introduces Finn as a friend as opposed to anything more, but doesn't have time to figure out why before Bellamy steps forward.

 

“Ah, Lexa. You’re Octavia’s friend. I thought that I recognised you back on initiation day when I gave you your room key; you were the only girl who was able to knock my little sister out in any of the boxing tournaments you guys took part in,” he says, offering a mysterious red cup in Lexa’s direction. All Lexa can do is smile and accept, wondering why Octavia failed to mention that her older brother was apparently good friends with Clarke.

 

“Hi Bellamy. Good to see you again. I’m still knocking Octavia out on a regular basis when we fight, but she’s getting closer to being able to return the favour.”

 

Bellamy laughs at the idea, and Clarke looks a little surprised at the connection between the pair. Lexa relaxes a little more now, though. At least she has some semblance of an ally.

 

The girl that Clarke introduced as Raven steps forward, eyebrow arched in interest at Lexa. Lexa readies herself, eyes trained on the bridge of the girl’s nose as always.

 

“So, you’re the mysterious room mate. Glad we can finally meet, we’ve heard a lot about you.”

 

Lexa can see Clarke move uncomfortably out of the corner of her eye.

 

_ What has she said? And why is she embarrassed about it? _

 

“All good things, I hope,” Lexa replies, her voice steady but quiet. Her anxiety was beginning to show.

 

“Something like that, yeah.”

 

Before the conversation can continue any further, Clarke puts her hand on Lexa’s arm for the second time that night. 

 

“Lexa, I’m feeling a little warm. Come to the balcony with me?”

 

Lexa doesn’t question why she doesn’t ask one of her other friends to accompany her. She just nods, and allows Clarke to guide her through the crowd again to find the entrance onto the cool balcony.

 

—————————

 

They had spent a few minutes in a cool, comfortable silence outdoors, each sipping their drinks as their fellow partygoers mingled around them. Clarke hadn't said anything since they reached the balcony, and Lexa was never one to start a conversation herself if it could be avoided. 

 

Suddenly, Clarke spoke up.

 

"I like what you're wearing, by the way. I think it's really cute."

 

Lexa's heart nearly stops at the comment. 

 

_ Is she trying to get me to make a connection to what Octavia said earlier? Does she want me to open up about it? Or is she trying to make casual conversation? _

 

Lexa decides that there are a million and one topics of discussion Clarke could have picked if the latter really was on her mind, so the remark really had an ulterior purpose.

 

_ Play the game, Lexa. Don't screw up this chance. _

 

"Thank you, Clarke. My friends back home used to rate my outfits on a scale of one to Hannah Hart on how gay I looked, so I guess Octavia continued the tradition here."

 

"Hannah Hart?"

 

_ Lexa, don't make references to lesbian subculture that this girl clearly doesn't get. You're hardly playing this cool at all. _

 

"Never mind. She's just a YouTuber that we all watched."

 

Clarke nods, and the conversation quietly dies again. Lexa was just about to make an excuse to escape to the reactive comfort of her friends before Clarke speaks again.

 

"About what Octavia said earlier. Are you actually...?" Clarke said, gesturing with widely with her hands instead of finishing her sentence. 

 

"Yes, I am. I didn't say anything before because I didn't know if you were okay with it. Sorry if I should have."

 

Clarke looks startled, and quickly starts shaking her head, eyes wide.

 

"No, no, don't apologise at all Lexa. Of course I'm okay with it. I'm sorry if I ever acted in a way that would make you question that."

 

"It's fine, Clarke. You didn't. I just never know with new people."

 

"I get that. It must be hard sometimes."

 

Lexa shrugs nonchalantly. "Honestly, my family and friends were pretty okay with it. As long as I was happy, they were too. We never made much of a big deal of it at home."

 

Clarke's face visibly darkens at the comment, and leaving Lexa confused. Before she can ask about it, Clarke takes a small step towards her, piercing her with her now dark blue eyes.

 

"You know, this is one of the first times you've actually looked at me directly in the eye instead of just at my nose. I didn't notice at fist, but then it became apparent," her puts her hand on top of Lexa's, resting on the rail of the balcony. Lexa can feel her heart rate quicken at the contact. "You know, you don't need to be nervous around me. We're room mates, remember?"

 

Lexa just stares into Clarke's eyes, unsure what to say, searching for what Clarke seems to be trying to say with her actions.

 

_ She's saying you don't need to be anxious, you don't need to hide. She's so close, Lexa. So so close. Just kiss her now, while you still have the chance. _

 

Neither girl moves for several moments, but are content to just stare at each other on the balcony, each waiting for the other to make a move. Lexa feels a warmth in her chest, a warmth encouraging her to inch towards the girl standing before her, to wrap her in an embrace and push their lips together like she's been longing to do for weeks.

 

She suffers for her hesitation when another arm suddenly engulfs Clarke, breaking the moment between them. Lexa immediately snaps back to her sense, but it takes Clarke a little longer to figure out what's going on.

 

"Hey Princess, I've been looking all over for you," Finn exclaims, his words more than slightly slurred. "Hello again..." Finn's voice trails off when he realises that he can't remember Lexa's name.

 

"Lexa, Finn. Her name is Lexa." 

 

Finn shrugs, not the slightest bit embarrassed at the slip. Lexa's thankful for the cover of darkness so Clarke can't see her going red.

 

"Anyway, we're about to head to Grounder's now, if you'd like to join us. You can come too, Alex."

 

"It's Lexa," Clarke says, a hint of irritation in her voice. "And I don't know. You know I don't really like clubs, and I do have a lot to do this weekend..."

 

Finn wasn't taking no for an answer, though. The couple squabbled as Lexa stood there awkwardly, escape route blocked by Finn. Eventually, Clarke conceded, sending an apologetic glance in Lexa's direction. Lexa offered a small smile back. She didn't want the blonde to sense her disappointment. 

 

The pair left, and Lexa stays behind on the balcony finishing the last of her drink. Her peace doesn't last long before Octavia's head pops up beside her, closely followed by Anya.

 

"What happened?! We thought you had this one in the bag! I mean, she came over and talked to you. I didn't even have to distract Finn. And when we looked over and saw that you guys had gone to the balcony, it took all of Anya and Lincoln's combined strength to prevent me from running after you so I could eavesdrop."

 

"We just talked, nothing happened. She did ask about my sexuality, we just stared at each other for a while before Finn came along and interrupted us. Sorry to disappoint."

 

Octavia, however, brightened at this news. "Stared at each other? How creepily sweet and romantic. You mightn't see it, Heart Eyes, but you guys clearly have a connection. Don't even try to deny it."

 

Before Lexa can reply, she feels her phone buzz in her pocket. Seeing as the two people that text her most are standing on the balcony with her, she's initially confused. When she reads the name on the screen, a tingle shoots down her spine.

 

[ **Clarke, 11:24 PM] Hey Lexa, remember what you said about the jog before? I mightn't make it for 5 AM tomorrow, but if you're willing to delay it until 9 I'd love to join you**

 

Lexa smiles, and turns around to prevent the eager Octavia from reading the message upside down.

 

** [Lexa, 11:25 PM] Sure, I think I can manage that. Be warned, I won't go lightly on you, even if you have a hangover. **

 

** [Clarke, 11:26 PM] Understood, Commander. See you at o-nine hundred hours then. **

 

Lexa puts her phone away, but doesn't even have to say anything to Octavia or Anya. Apparently, her eyes are giving everything away.

 

"Look at that, Heart Eyes has a date. And who ever said nothing would come out of my meddling?" Octavia gives Anya a poignant glance before strutting off to find Lincoln, presumably for some brag of her victory to someone else. Anya chuckles and shakes her head at the display, but Lexa isn't really paying attention. She's staring into the stars, wondering why so much could happen in so little time when everything was at a standstill for two months.

 

_ Don't think why Lexa, think how. And, more importantly, think how you're not going to mess things up tomorrow. Let Clarke set the pace for conversation, the last thing you need to do is scare her off. _

 

Lexa was the one who was scared, though. In her past, love was weakness, and she needs to make sure that this was something she really wanted to pursue before exposing her vulnerabilities to somebody else again. She was still trying to get over last time. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a note, the conversation between Clarke and Lexa closely mirrors one that I had before entering my first relationship. I was the Lexa in that scenario.


	4. Chapter Four

It’s 8:55 AM, and Lexa is terrified that Clarke isn’t going to show. When she left their room that morning, the other girl was splayed on their bed, dead to the world. That was two hours ago. Lexa’s been sitting in the park, writing a few of her assignments in the cool morning air since then. She didn’t want to have to walk to the park with Clarke, just in case there was any awkwardness about the previous night. It was better that Clarke arrive after her and they both set down to the task at hand rather than endure undoubtedly awkward small talk on their way there.

 

Just as she’s beginning to stretch, she sees a well-bundled figure approaching her on the footpath. From her stature, it’s clearly Clarke, but there’s something different about her this morning. She seems distracted, even though she’s only walking along the pavement. 

 

_Great, she’s clearly regretting her decision to come today. You’ve made things awkward, Lexa. That’s exactly what you didn’t want._

 

As soon as Clarke notices Lexa looking in her direction, she smiles and gives a small wave. Lexa makes the same gestures back at her. She begins to pull her hair back into a ponytail, regretting that she didn’t take the time to do it properly in braids like she normally did.

 

_Lexa, you’re about to go for a jog. Your hair will look like crap by the end of it anyway. Focus._

 

“Hey, Lexa. Thanks for not waking me earlier, I really needed all the sleep I could get if I’m going to even have a chance of keeping up with you.”

 

“It’s okay, Clarke. I appreciate the company. What time did you arrive in at last night?” Lexa asked the question despite knowing the answer. It was 3 AM, and Clarke woke her up whilst trying to get their door open. Lexa doesn’t tell her that, though. She doesn’t want to make the other girl feel bad.

 

“Oh, it was late. But don’t worry, I’m fuelled by coffee now, and totally ready to jog away. You do this pretty much every morning, don’t you? That’s incredibly impressive.”

 

Lexa blushes at the comment and shrugs it off. The rosy tint that the morning air adds to Clarke’s cheeks is very distracting to her.

 

“Okay, seeing as you’re so eager, we need to decide what kind of a pace we should set. How often do you exercise?” Clarke’s facial expression pretty much answered her question for her. Lexa isn’t surprised, as she rarely saw the girl with any kind of sports equipment with her. In spite of that, she still had an amazing body. She’s just one of those people who had a minimum maintenance body, whereas Lexa needed continuous work to look the way she did.

 

“No problem. I don’t mind going slow at first, I’m pretty tired myself after the party last night.”

 

Clarke nods and joins Lexa in her stretches. After a few minutes, the pair set off, Lexa trying to adjust the pace to suit Clarke who’s running slightly behind her, trailing at her elbow.

 

It doesn’t take long for Lexa to realise that Clarke isn’t quite cut out for this. She’s hiding it well, but Lexa she knows Clarke is struggling to keep up. She quickly maps out the park in her head; the normal path she takes through the area would be too long for Clarke. She adjusts their trajectory in her head to accommodate for this. The new route was more scenic, anyway. She’s sure Clarke would appreciate the view during her torture.

 

It’s extraordinarily comforting to hear Clarke’s breathing beside her. Despite being heavy, it’s rhythmic. She has decent technique for someone who never really jogs, Lexa thinks to herself.

 

_Maybe she’s just used to heavy breathing for other reasons._

 

Lexa shakes her head to try to get her mind out of the gutter, an action that causes Clarke to take pause.

 

“You okay?” she pants out, looking at Lexa with equal measures of concern and relief for their unexpected break.

 

Lexa sees this as a chance to let Clarke regain some of her composure, and mutters some comment about a bug flying in her eye and that she needs a minute to remove it. Clarke nods, and seizes the opportunity to try to sit down.

 

“Don’t do that,” Lexa says, perhaps a bit too harshly. “You don’t want your heart rate to drop too much before we start again, it’s not the best thing to do.”

 

Clarke chokes down half a bottle of water and scoffs at her. “I’m premed, remember? I know that. But I’m also human, and humans are lazy. I need a break.”

 

Lexa smiles at the retort and concedes. If a break was going to make Clarke happy, then she was willing to give it to her.

 

_So, this jog isn’t going to be your best workout. You may gain a lot more than normal from it, though._

 

“If you want a break, we can walk for a while. There’s a nice path to the meadows if we take the next left, if you want to have a look.”

 

“The meadows? Won’t everything be dead by now?”

 

“Just because there aren’t flowers doesn’t mean everything’s dead, Clarke. It’s just a different kind of beauty.”

 

The pair walk in silence the rest of the way, elbows occasionally bumping. Lexa can’t tell if Clarke is doing this on purpose or not. She wonders if her companion gets the same elated feeling at the contact as she does, despite the layers of clothing separating them.

 

_She probably doesn’t, you know. You saw how dark her expression went last night. You can’t assume that she’s into you just because she was curious about which team you played for, to use a horrible analogy._

 

Lexa sighs at her own internal struggle, earning her a confused glance from Clarke, who doesn’t push the issue. Lexa doesn’t offer an explanation either. In this instance, it’s much easier to keep her thoughts to herself instead of sharing. At least, not until she knows more about what’s happening inside Clarke’s own head.

 

————————————

 

When they reach the meadow, they fall back into the comfortable silence that existed during their initial few moments on the balcony. Lexa watches Clarke take in the scene out of the corner of her eye, and is delighted to see Clarke stare in awe of the view before her.

 

The meadow spans across a huge area of land, and is so wide that the morning haze blurs their view of the other side. Lexa expected that it would have cleared by now, but this seemed to be a particularly cold day. Alone, in the centre of the area, stands a huge tree. Its branches are now bare, their former covers forming the leaf litter than encompasses the base. It looks old and regal and stunning. Lexa loves this tree. She hopes that Clarke does too.

 

“Lexa, this is…” Clarke is unable to find words, but Lexa understands. 

 

“I know, Clarke. It is.”

 

She turns her head to look at Clarke, and her heart palpitates when she sees the smile growing across Clarke’s face. Lexa is beginning to live for that smile.

 

“I would love to come back here and draw it someday.” Clarke says softly, her breath visible in the air.

 

It suddenly strikes Lexa. “Draw? That explains your hands!”

 

_Idiot Lexa, idiot Lexa! How are you going to explain that bizarre comment?_

 

Clarke looks rightly perplexed. “Hands? What about my hands?”

 

Lexa can feel herself blush a deep scarlet, and stutters out her mangled response.

 

“Oh, it’s just… When we first shook hands, I noticed that yours were a little calloused. I noticed again last night when you took my hand to lead me to your friends, and again when you put it on mine on the balcony, and-”

 

Clarke cuts her off before she can make even more of a fool of herself.

 

“Yeah, I like to sketch. It’s only a hobby of mine, I do it whenever I think the world is getting a bit too much for me. I’ve been a little dry on inspiration recently, although I think I may have found the muse that I’ve been looking for.”

 

Clarke’s eyes break away from the tree and meet Lexa’s own. The latter girl fights the urge to break away the contact, desperate not to appear weak in front of Clarke.

 

Much to Lexa’s relief (and slight dismay), it’s Clarke who breaks the stare between them. She shuffles slightly, but Lexa can’t tell if it’s closing or widening the distance between them. She was too captivated by Clarke’s eyes to notice.

 

“You know, I broke things off with Finn last night, after the club.”

 

Lexa visibly startles at the comment. She can feel her chin drop, and quickly snaps it shut, snagging the inside of her cheek in the process.

 

_Smooth, Lexa. Quick, think of something to say. Whatever you do, don’t act happy._

 

“Oh, Clarke, I’m really sorry to hear that,” Lexa said, trying to lie as convincingly as possible. “What happened?”

 

Clarke shrugs and shifts again, and this time Lexa is certain that it is towards her. She tries to steady her breath, focusing on Clarke. She mightn't like Finn, but she cares about Clarke. If she’s upset about this, she needs to prove that she’s capable of being there for her.

 

“You just saw how he was with me. Like, on the balcony. He just barged right in and interrupted our conversation, not even caring who you were. He was jealous that I was devoting my attention to someone else. I can’t deal with clingy. Anyway, at the club I caught him checking out other girls, but anytime someone came to dance with me he just lost it. It got to a stage where threatened to hit Wells, even though he knows that we’re just good friends. In the end it was just too much. I told him that, and we fought for a while,” Clarke takes a pause, trying to catch her breath. “That’s why I was home so late last night. I was with Raven and Bellamy, they were trying to comfort me. I was afraid that I’d wake you up if I went home in tears like I was.”

 

The idea of Clarke in tears breaks Lexa’s heart. She just wants to hold the image of the broken girl in her head, whisper in her ear that everything will be okay, to kiss the tear drops away. The mix of emotions that’s growing inside her is nearly too much, but she doesn’t do what to do about it, what to say. It’s times like this that she really curses her social awkwardness.

 

“I’m sorry, Lexa. I didn’t mean to dump all of that no you. You’re just an easy person to talk to, I guess. You probably didn’t want to hear any of that.” 

 

_Lexa, you need to act now. Standing there doing nothing displays apathy, and you are certainly not apathetic about this situation._

 

Lexa steps closer to Clarke and wraps her arm around her shoulder in an attempt to console her without words. Words, Lexa’s bad at. It’s difficult to screw up the most basic of comforting actions.

 

“Of course I want to hear it, Clarke. I hate the idea of you being upset. I just wish that there was something that I could do.”

 

They stand there in silence for a while, Clarke quietly sniffling against Lexa’s shoulder, and Lexa gently stroking her soft, blonde hair. Words aren’t needed, their mere proximity is all the communication that either girl needs with each other. Lexa suddenly notices that Clarke is shivering under her arm, but from the cold as opposed to her tears.

 

Silently, she removes her beanie from her head and offers it to Clarke. The girl takes it wordlessly, giving Lexa an appreciative glance. She moves slightly away from Lexa to put it on, and Lexa can’t help but notice that her arms feel empty without her.

“Thank you, Lexa.”

 

“It’s okay, Clarke. It’s just a hat. It suits you, anyway.” It’s true. There’s something about seeing Clarke in Lexa’s own hat that makes her feel braver, more connected to the girl. It’s like some weird primal possessive instinct is kicking in, and Lexa’s beginning to become weak to her desires. 

 

“I meant thank you for showing me this place. It’s indescribable. I’d love to come back so I can draw it..”

 

Lexa blushes at her mistake but urges herself to persevere instead of hiding away like she normally does.

 

“Well, I come here often, so you’re welcome to tag along any time you need to be inspired.”

 

_Direct invitation, very forward. Anya and Octavia would be proud._

 

Clarke hums in appreciation and turns to face Lexa. Despite her bravery the night before, Lexa knows that if she connects with her eyes and not her nose, she’d lose control. She’d kiss Clarke, and she wouldn’t even know if that’s actually what Clarke wants.

 

No, it’s better that Clarke sets the pace. Lexa isn’t thinking straight.

 

“Hey,” Clarke says softly, and Lexa’s suddenly paralysed when she feels Clarke’s hand on her chin. “You looked me in the eye before, Lexa.You can do it now, too.” She pushes Lexa’s head slightly back, forcing the brunette to shift her gaze to Clarke’s eyes.

 

She’s lost in what she sees in them.

 

Lexa is mesmerised by the enigma that they hold. They’re able to convey both softness and determination simultaneously. Her irises contain more shades of blue than Lexa ever knew existed, and she’s filled with the desire to know them all. She’s afraid to blink, in case she misses some of their subtleties, their mysteries. 

 

But, more importantly, Lexa can see something different in them. It's the same thing that Octavia and Anya saw in her very own for months now, that which earned her the title “Heart Eyes.” 

 

She sees affection. 

 

Enough time had been spent, had been wasted, by observing the girl, searching for any sign that she reciprocated Lexa’s feelings. She sees Clarke’s gaze flicker down to her lips, and her composure is gone. Now, it is time to act. 

 

Lexa steps forward, closing the already small distance between them. She notices that Clarke's breath hitches, but makes no move to step away from Lexa. This is all the encouragement Lexa needs. 

 

Suddenly brave, she dips her head down and brings her lips to meet Clarke's. She pauses there, waiting for the blonde's response, suddenly nervous that she just saw something that wasn't actually there. 

 

To her relief, her surprise and her overwhelming joy, Clarke kisses back. 

 

The kiss was her entire world for the while that it lasted. Lexa absorbs every detail of it; the softness of her lips, the scent of her hair, the sound of the soft moan that escapes Clarke's lips as Lexa moves her other hand to her lower back, the way that Clarke never moves her hand from Lexa’s face, but instead cradles it gently. Their noses press against each other, but Lexa doesn’t care for this mild discomfort. Her mind is otherwise being overloaded.

 

Lexa's becoming engulfed by the kiss. Her breathing is getting heavy, and she knows that she's going to have to break away soon. She still has a few more seconds of tasting heaven before that has to happen. 

 

She pulls away to change the angle on the kiss, but when she searches for Clarke's lips again, she realises that they aren't there. She opens her eyes, confused. 

 

Clarke is looking at her, tears streaming down her face. 

 

“I’m sorry, I'm not ready to be with anyone. Not yet."

 

Lexa's world suddenly comes crashing to pieces around her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm equally elated and nervous about this chapter. Please, don't judge me too harshly if I butchered it. I know it's shorter than before, but it was actually part of a much longer chapter that I had to split in two to keep it somewhat readable. 
> 
> Thank you for reading this far.


	5. Chapter Five

Lexa’s mind is spinning, trying got make sense of the situation that presented itself to her. She has no idea what Clarke means, but is too afraid to ask for clarification. Her chest is filling with dread, lump rising in her throat. There seems to be no suitable response to what she said. Should she apologise? Should she simply nod and pretend that she didn’t kiss her, pretend that she didn’t feel Clarke kiss back? She wanted to run, and it took all of her remaining not to leave Clarke behind in the meadow.

 

Clarke senses Lexa’s bewilderment and continues to speak, her voice weak and shaky.

 

“Lexa, it’s not you. Honestly. It’s not even Finn. It’s me.”

 

_Like you haven’t heard that one before, Lexa. She’s telling you she’s actually straight. She’s telling you that kissing you was an experiment that failed, one she’s not about to repeat._

 

_But that’s not what she said. She told you “not yet”. There’s still hope, hear her out._

 

Lexa bites down on her lip in an attempt to conceal her mental torment. It’s clear that Clarke isn’t finished speaking, she just needs time to compose herself before she continues.

 

“It’s just, I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can be in a relationship with another girl. I’m scared about how my friends, my family will react. They aren’t very liberal. And I can’t lose them, not over anything, not even this.”

 

Lexa nods, feeling the tears begin to prick at her eyes. The words are eerily familiar to her. So is the sense of impending heart break.

 

“Lexa, I like you. I really do. I’m not going to pretend that you aren’t a part of the reason that I broke up with Finn, aside from him being a massive asshole,” Lexa’s heart clenches at the comment, although she doesn’t know if it’s with joy or despair. These words are sweet nothings unless Clarke wants to act on them.

 

“I don’t want you to have to live a lie. I don’t want you to have to hide your relationship from your friends, your family. I know that they’re okay with it, but I couldn’t risk them telling someone I know. I’m just not ready to come out. You’ve only just made me realise that I even thought that I might be…” Clarke waves her hand in the air, searching for words. “Attracted to girls, attracted to you. I still need to figure myself out.”

 

Lexa swallows the lump that’s grown in her throat. She knows that it would be easier just to give time for Clarke to figure it out, to come to her later when she’s more secure with herself. Secret relationships are hard, Lexa knows that.

 

But she also knows that she wants Clarke, and that she’s tired of waiting.

 

_Can you do this? Last time nearly destroyed you. Are you willing to do that all over again?_

 

The answer was clear to Lexa. She isn’t prepared to let this go, she doesn’t want to be plagued with “what ifs” for the rest of her days sharing her room with Clarke. The temptation is too strong, the opportunity she’s been waiting for is staring her in the face. She’s going to do this. Just because someone else broke her heart before doesn’t mean Clarke will. Clarke shouldn’t suffer for Lexa’s insecurities.

 

Clarke said that she needed time to figure things out before she tells people. Lexa’s willing to give it to her.

 

Heart in her mouth, she steps towards Clarke. The blonde freezes before her, unsure of Lexa’s intentions. 

 

_Don’t back down now. Say how you feel, show her you want to be there for her while she goes through this. Show her that she doesn’t have to be alone._

 

“I understand, Clarke. But I don’t mind the secrecy. Truthfully, I’ve done it before. It’s hard, but it can work. As long as we remember that we’re on the same side, that we’re a team,” Lexa catches her breath, but doesn’t back down. She needs to get it all out now before she realises how forward she’s being and gets scared. “I want to be with you, Clarke, no matter what the circumstances are. I don’t need other people to know that we’re together to confirm my feelings for you. As long as you know that I care, that’s enough for me. For now.” 

 

There’s a moment when neither of them move, Lexa’s words hanging in the misty morning air between the two of them. It’s probably the most open she’s been with anyone in a while. The feeling is refreshing.

 

Suddenly, Clarke breaks into a smile. A small laugh escapes her mouth, and her head shakes mildly in disbelief. Lexa takes it as a good sign. She keeps her face composed, not wanting to influence the thoughts of the girl before her. 

 

_Clarke needs to decide this for herself. You smiling at her would only create bias in your favour. This isn’t a court case, Lexa. You’re not trying to be persuasive. You’re just presenting facts, remember that._

 

“Lexa, do you really mean that? Would you honestly be willing to give us a shot?” Clarke’s voice is raised in pitch, and Lexa can sense her excitement. It inspires a warm feeling to grow in her chest.

 

_This is what happiness feels like Lexa. You can stop hiding now. You’ve said how you feel, now show her._

 

Lexa takes the blonde’s hands in her how, thumbs drawing light circles over the surface. She brings her forehead down to lightly touch off of Clarke’s. The intimacy is overwhelming.

 

“Yes, Clarke. I’m sure. We do this. Together.”

 

———————

 

Lexa doesn’t suggest that they return to jogging. Instead, they meander their way through the meadow, fingers entwined. Clarke’s sniffling lightens over the course of their journey, and she occasionally leans her head on Lexa’s shoulder, sighing at something she’s thinking. Lexa doesn’t pry. If Clarke wants to, she’ll tell her. 

 

Eventually they make their way to the tree, and Clarke settles herself down, pulling Lexa with her. The blonde’s arm snakes around her waist and snuggles under her shoulder.

 

_So, it looks like you’re going to be the big spoon then. First time that’s happened._

 

Lexa chuckles to herself, disturbing Clarke with the movement.

 

“What’s so funny?” Clarke says, a grin on her face. Lexa noticed, despite her tears, that she hadn’t stopped smiling for a while now. This is what Lexa wanted, what her heart has yearned for. 

 

“Nothing, Clarke. I’m just happy that this has happened. I’ve wanted-” Lexa stops herself before she can finish divulging her thoughts. She doesn’t know if she wants to admit to Clarke how long she had been dreaming of this moment.

 

Clarke lets out a giddy laugh and gently nudges Lexa in the ribs.

 

“I’d love to hear the end of that sentence, sweetie.”

 

Lexa’s eyebrow arches in surprise at the term of endearment.

 

“Sweetie?” she says, and laughs as she watches the blush climb up Clarke’s cheeks.

 

“Was that too much? I’m sorry, I just thought it was cute, and-”

 

Lexa stops her blabbering with a kiss. It’s sweet, but chaste, and Lexa pulls back before it can become any more. There’ll be time for that later. Right now, words are needed.

 

“No, I like it. I was always partial to “darling” myself. I know it’s kind of formal, but it’s also affectionate,” Lexa shrugs. “I guess I’m just an old-fashioned kind of girl.”

 

“Yeah, I can tell. You’ve always got that severe, cold look in your eyes, except when…” her eyes widen when she realises what she’s about to say, and this time it is Lexa who pushes for more.

 

“Except what?” she teases, pressing a small kiss into Clarke’s hair.

 

“Not fair! You didn’t finish what you were saying before. You have to tell me what you’ve wanted, and then I’ll see if your explanation is worthy of me finishing my sentence.”

 

Lexa rolls her eyes at the game Clarke’s playing, but decides to go along. The moment is too cute to ruin it by her own embarrassment.

 

“I was going to say that I’ve wanted to tell you how I feel for a while. But I didn’t know if you were bisexual, and you were with Finn anyway. There was never a good moment. Until now.”

 

“How long have you know?”

 

“Known what?”

 

“That you liked me? ‘A while’ is a little vague, Lexa”

 

“Honestly? Immediate attraction when I first saw you. Things just grew from there, I guess. Living in such close quarters helped. I know we didn’t talk much, but whenever we did you were always so sincere and considerate. I’m more comfortable with you than most people. I know that I’m a pretty closed-off person, but you’re the only person that I’ve actually wanted to open up to in a while. You’re just… different, I guess.”

 

Clarke’s faces lights up at the information. Lexa knows that she should be feeling a lot more embarrassed about sharing such a cheesy story, but she doesn’t care. Clarke probably would have coaxed the information out of her eventually.

 

“So, does that warrant you finishing your sentence, Clarke?”

 

Clarke pretends to seriously consider the proposal, but then shakes her head.

 

“As adorable as that is, Lexa, but I think I’m going to need a bit more persuasion.”

 

Lexa laughs and playfully hits Clarke on the arm. Suddenly, Lexa closes the distance between them and pushes their lips together. Cupping the other girl’s face in one hand, she uses the other to pull her onto her lap. Clarke puts one hand on Lexa’s chest and uses the other one to steady herself on the tree behind them. Warmth was spreading through Lexa’s body as a result of their proximity.

 

Timidly, Lexa finds herself dragging her tongue along the other girl’s lips, as if asking for an invitation to bring things further. The moan she elicits from Clarke forms the confirmation she needs. The kiss grows deeper, increasing in pace as both girls explore each other’s mouths in some sort of desperate frenzy. Lexa feels her hand grip more tightly around Clarke’s body, and the blond shifts slightly so that she can remove her hand from the tree and instead knot it in Lexa’s hair.

 

Their bliss lasts for several minutes before either is willing to stop. Lexa’s suddenly conscious of their location; normally she hates such public displays between couples, and feels like a hypocrite for participating in such an act. However, they are alone in the field, so she lets the mild guilt slip her mind.

 

“Well, _darling,_ was that enough encouragement?” Lexa asks, her voice thick from the kiss.

 

Clarke laughs in response.

 

“If I say no, does that mean I get another kiss?”

 

“Are you really going to let bribery be one of the foundation stones of our relationship?” Lexa asks coyly, enjoying the knowledge that Clarke likes to kiss her.

 

“Yes, if it works.”

 

Lexa has no desire to argue with that logic.

 

———————

 

After a couple of hours basking in each other’s company under the tree, Lexa hears Clarke’s stomach make a wholly disconcerting sound.

 

Clearly embarrassed, Clarke shifts in an attempt to hide it, but Lexa slowly disentangles her arm from around her and reluctantly moves to stand up. Clarke makes noises in protest to her actions, and it takes all of Lexa’s willpower to ignore them. She misses the contact with the blonde as soon as it’s broken.

 

“Come on, Clarke. It’s nearly lunchtime. We should really be getting back, you know we both have work to do.”

 

Clarke sighs, but holds her hands up in the air as a signal to Lexa that she wants to be assisted in her ascent. Shaking her head in amusement to Clarke’s cute antics, Lexa entwines her fingers in Clarke’s, and pulls her up from the ground. Lexa doesn’t realise how much force she puts into the motion, and Clarke’s momentum causes her to collide into Lexa. They nearly topple backwards before Lexa can steady them both, strong arms wrapping around the blonde.

 

“Sorry, Clarke. You’re a lot lighter than you looked.” 

 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Clarke arches a brow at Lexa, who is suddenly paralysed when she realises what she said.

 

_You’ve been in a relationship with this girl all of three hours and you’ve already implied that she’s fat. That’s a new level of terrible, even for you._

 

“Nothing, I mean, I just didn’t expect you to-” Lexa’s scrambling for words sends Clarke into a fit of laughter.

 

“Don’t worry, sweetie, I know what you mean. I just wanted to see you squirm,” she says, winking at Lexa in the process and kissing her on her now blushing cheek.

 

_As cruel as that is, it’s also damn sexy._

 

“I think what you wanted to say is that you’re stronger than you thought you were. Stronger than I thought you were, too. I knew you worked out, but you’re way more fit than I realised. Kind of puts me to shame.”

 

“Don’t say that, Clarke. You’re perfect.”

 

The blonde grins as she slowly moves away from her, but her hand moves down to find its place in Lexa’s.

 

“Come on, I know that you’re never going to be able to take me on a jog again if you want to stay in the shape you’re in. You even went easy on me this morning, you big old softie.”

 

_Well, I guess you weren’t actually that discreet at all, Lexa. At least she appreciates your efforts._

 

“I’m sure I can whip you into shape eventually, if that’s what you wanted.”

 

Clarke groans and rolls her eyes in despair.

 

“I don’t think I could live through you showing me up every morning while we run together. It’d just involve me embarrassing myself on a regular basis. Also, I don’t want you to gain even more of an insight as to how I have completely neglected my fitness over the years.”

 

Lexa can’t help by laugh at Clarke’s little speech.

 

_She clearly cares what you think about her then. She doesn’t want you to see her bad side for fear that you get turned off._

 

Lexa isn’t even sure that Clarke has a bad side.

 

She can’t help but feel a little disappointed by Clarke’s refusal. They both have pretty tight schedules revolving around their studies, and this would have been a good way to ensure that they spent time together. Clarke apparently reads the disappointment off of her face, and proposes a solution.

 

“How about we walk here together each morning, and then you do your little fitness display around the field while I sketch for a while? I meant it when I said that I’d like to draw this place.”

 

The brunette’s heart lifts at the idea. 

 

“Even if it involves getting up at 5 AM like I normally do?” Lexa teases lightly, nudging into Clarke as they made their way back to the main park area.

 

“Okay, times may need to be negotiated. I haven’t suddenly lost my sanity; as a soon-to-be doctor, I’m going to appreciate sleep while I can still get it.”

 

“Does six in the morning sound any better?”

 

“We’ll talk, Lexa,” Clarke tries to sound serious, but Lexa can hear the smile concealed behind the words.

 

———————

 

Clarke drops Lexa’s hand as soon as they return to the more populated area. Initially confused, Lexa realises the cause of the action.

 

_Secret relationship, remember? When you’re in public, you’re just friends. Friends don’t randomly hold hands._

 

Lexa wishes they did, though. She tries to act nonchalant, unwilling to convey her disappointment to Clarke. Lexa agreed to these conditions for the relationship. If it’s what Clarke needs, Lexa was willing to comply.

 

“Sorry, Lexa,” Clarke’s voice is little more than a breath, only intended for Lexa to hear. “I just don’t know who these people know, and if one happened to tell one of my friends-”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Clarke. I get it. You don’t need to apologise about this. Different people deal with their sexuality in different ways.”

 

Clarke nods in understanding and bumps her shoulder against Lexa’s in an appreciative way. If that’s all the contact they were going to have in public, Lexa is willing to accept it.

 

For Clarke, she is willing to accept a lot of things.

 

It suddenly occurs to Lexa that she never heard the end of Clarke's sentence earlier. After she points it out, the blonde merely winks in response. Lexa makes a noise of protest, much to the blonde's amusement.

 

"Tell you what. Have lunch with me, and then I'll say."

 

"You're really being very demanding today, Clarke."

 

Clarke smiles coyly back. "Is that a no to lunch then?"

 

_Lexa, she knows you're powerless to resist. She's reading you like an open book here._

 

Lexa laughs rolls her eyes and turns in the direction of the nearest café. She doesn't bother checking to see if Clarke is following her.

 

She knows that she will.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, a lot of this conversation is based on my own experience. A lot of this relationship is based on my own experience, actually. I hope that writing from the heart adds some feel of authenticity to this story.
> 
> I know that updates have been pretty rapid-fire recently, but I may need to slow that down a little. Apparently I have a "real life" that needs attending. Somebody should have warned me in advance as to how addicting writing would be.


	6. Chapter Six

Lexa had just emailed her latest assignment to her professor when she hears rattling at the door. Despite months of living there, Clarke still hadn’t mastered the trick of using the key. Normally Lexa would be too shy to open it for the other girl. After that morning’s events, though, she has inflated confidence.

 

After lunch, Clarke had to go to the library to complete research for one of her projects, so Lexa reluctantly returned to her room to do some work of her own. She had smiled when she saw Clarke’s messy bed, clothes thrown about the room. Lexa supposed that the blonde had woken up late, and had to get dressed in a hurry in order to make it to the park on time.

 

_Thank goodness she did. I wouldn’t put it past you to just run off without her if she hadn’t shown by nine._

 

Lexa skips eagerly over to the door, excited to see Clarke again. She pulls it open with enthusiasm, and just about starts her sentence before she realises who it is that’s staring her back in the face.

 

“Finn.” she says, giving the boy a curt nod.

 

“Hey there, Alexa. Is Clarke in? We need to talk.” Lexa doesn’t even bother correcting him. She doesn’t want to prolong this conversation any more than she has to.

 

“No, she’s not. Can I take a message?” she tries to make her voice as uninviting as possible, but even she can hear the nervousness seeping into it.

 

“Nah, it’s alright. I think that I’ll wait here for her, if that’s okay with you?” Finn pushes past her before Lexa can even protest. Her jaw drops as he sits himself firmly on Clarke’s bed, legs spread wide, as if he owns the place.

 

Lexa doesn’t find any other words to say, so simply makes her way back to her desk and continues her work. Finn seems to be pretending that she doesn’t exist. 

 

As much as Lexa had been anticipating Clarke’s arrival before, she is now desperate for it.

 

Her saviour arrives at the door nearly twenty minutes later. To Lexa, it feels like an eternity. As soon as Lexa hears her presence outside, she jumps on her feet to let Clarke in, to prevent her from saying anything incriminating before she realises that Finn’s also in the room. However, Clarke actually manages to push the door open before Lexa can reach it.

 

_What an inconvenient time to perfect the skill of unlocking that thing._

 

“Hey, sweetheart,” Clarke beams when she sees Lexa, apparently unaware of the horrified look on her face. “Do you want to-“

 

Her eyes widen as she finally notices who’s sitting on her bed. Her shock quickly develops into anger, which she directs at the boy on her bed.

 

“Finn? What the hell do you think you’re doing here? In my room? Do you realise how damn invasive that is?”

 

Finn holds up is hands in front of him in an attempt to calm the now furious Clarke. 

 

“Listen, Clarke. Let me explain. We were both drunk, and-“

 

“No, Finn. _You_ were drunk. As always. I, however, was completely in my right mind for the first time in a while.”

 

Lexa tries to make herself invisible. She feels uncomfortable whenever she is the witness to any argument, let alone when it is between the girl she is now in a relationship with and her recently ex-boyfriend. However, she feels like she needs to stick around in case things get ugly for Clarke. She doesn’t trust either of them to keep their cool.

 

“Clarke, Clarke, just listen to me. You love me, I love you. We should be together, you know that. We work so well, we have all the same friends, it just makes sense.”

 

Finn is now on his feet, stepping more and more into Clarke’s personal space. Lexa isn’t liking the look of this, and she finds herself in fighting stance, springing on the balls of her feet.

 

“I explained why I don’t want to be with you last night, Finn. You weren’t drunk enough that you could forget that. I’m over it, Finn. I’ve been over you for a while now, but it took me until last night to realise that.”

 

The pitiful look in Finn’s eyes suddenly changes to one of anger. Clarke had overstepped the boundary; she moved from asserting herself to insulting him, dismissing their relationship as something that she had no real investment in.

 

_Not wise, Clarke. Not wise at all._

 

Finn aggressively steps forward and violently grabs one of Clarke’s arms, shaking her in the process. He’s yelling something, but Lexa is too focused on rescuing Clarke to make it out.

 

She bounds across the room, fitting herself in the small space that’s left between Clarke and Finn’s bodies. Without thinking, she brings her knee up to connect with Finn’s abdomen, and swings her fist around to punch him in the left eye. He sputters and he retreats backwards, clutching desperately at his side. 

 

Not deeming him worthy of any more of her attention, she turns and quickly checks Clarke over for injuries. There’s a red hand-shaped mark on her arm which she’s sure will bruise, but that seems to be the extent of damages.

 

She finally meets Clarke’s eyes, which are full of confusion. Or adoration. Or both.

 

“What the fuck was that?” she can hear the boy choke out behind her, but she still doesn’t take her eyes off of Clarke. 

 

_You’ve done your job, she has to take it from here._

 

“Leave now, Finn.” Clarke’s voice is soft but clearly audible. She still doesn’t break their gaze.

 

“But-”

 

“ _Leave_.” this time it’s more forceful, and Finn seems to get the idea.

 

Before he closes the door, he mutters at them with contempt.

 

“You know, your room mate is a crazy-ass bitch.”

 

To Lexa’s surprise, Clarke laughs loudly when the door slams behind him.

 

“Yeah, but she’s _my_ crazy-ass bitch.”

 

————————

 

“Do you have plans for dinner?” Lexa asks, watching Clarke comb through her hair after her shower. It’s two hours after Finn left their dorm, and Clarke had spent most of the time on the phone to various friends, assuring them of her safety. Lexa has no idea if they know who it was that beat Finn up, but she doesn’t really care either. 

 

_No wonder she’s worried about you telling your friends about the relationship. Her group would probably hear about it pretty quickly too. This university is just a gossip mill._

 

“Apart from hopefully having it with you? No, not really.” Clarke says as she watches Lexa’s smile reflected in the mirror before her.

 

“There’s a restaurant that I usually go to when Indra or Gustus are here. It’s called Kane’s Kitchen, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it.”

 

Clarke looks astonished at the suggestion, but quickly composes herself.

 

“That sounds great, Lexa, but isn’t it a bit expensive?”

 

_Great, all in one day you’ve inadvertently called her fat and then made her awkward about money. You really need to thread more carefully around this girl._

 

“Don’t worry, Clarke. I’m buying. It’s the least I can do for you affording me the opportunity to hit Finn in the face. I’ve wanted to do that for a while now.”

 

Clarke’s eyebrows arch in surprise and she flashes a coy smile at Lexa.

 

“Jealous, were we?”

 

Lexa blushes. “Maybe a little. Or maybe it’s because I could sense when a pain he is.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes half-heartedly and goes back to finishing the task which she had briefly abandoned.

 

“Alright, the Kitchen it is. I’ll be ready in about ten minutes, if that’s okay.”

 

“I’ll be waiting.”

 

————————

 

They’re halfway to the restaurant when Lexa feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She reaches down to get it, hand accidentally brushing off Clarke’s in the process. Clarke suddenly pulls her hand away, shoving it into the pockets of her jacket. Lexa looks at her, confused, and then it suddenly hits her.

 

_You’re in public, Lexa. She’s afraid of who might be around._

 

Regardless, Lexa feels a little hurt at how violent Clarke’s reaction had been. She doesn’t push it, but instead continues to check her phone.

 

**[Octavia, 7:45 PM] Look behind you**

 

Alarmed, Lexa turns around. To her dismay, she sees Anya and Octavia nearly fifty feet behind her on the opposite side of the road, waving. Lexa nods in their direction and quickly replies to Octavia’s text.

 

**[Lexa, 7:45 PM] What on earth are you doing?**

 

**[Octavia, 7:46 PM] Stalking you, of course. What are you up to? Dinner date?**

 

**[Lexa, 7:46 PM] Dinner, without the date. You’re not coming.**

 

**[Octavia, 7:46 PM] Why not? Perfect chance to create new developments in Operation Clexa**

 

“Is everything okay, Lexa?” Clarke sounds concerned by Lexa’s furious texting.

 

“Clarke, don’t panic, but Anya and Octavia are nearby. Octavia’s trying to join us for dinner, she has this weird “master plan” to try and get us together, and sees tonight as a perfect opportunity to implement it.”

 

Lexa’s astonished when Clarke suddenly bursts out laughing.

 

“You need to tell me the story of how she came up with the idea for this master plan.”

 

“Thing is, I don’t even think that there _is_ a plan. She seems to be making it up as she goes along. That little comment she made about my attire last night was a part of it,” Lexa says, still eyeing Octavia from across the street. They were getting closer, and Lexa was desperately trying to send them signals to back off.

 

“Seeing as they don’t know that we’re together, Octavia’s going to pull more stunts like this in the near future,” Lexa notices Clarke’s expression suddenly turn from mirth to fear. “Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting telling her, not until you’re ready. I’m just going to have to come up with an excuse for her not to join us tonight, and I’m going to have to do it fast.”

 

“Tell her that we’re meeting my mom there for dinner. She wouldn’t invite herself to a dinner like that, would she?” Clarke’s agitation is seeping into her voice.

 

Lexa grows uneasy at the suggestion. She hates the idea of lying to her friend, but she also knows that it’s pretty much the only option that she has at that time. 

 

_You better get used to it. Lying to friends and family is an integral part of a secret relationship. You know that._

 

Lexa sends the text quickly to Octavia, and continues walking with Clarke.

 

“So, I’m meeting the parents on the first date. Things are moving fast, I see.”

 

Clarke visibly relaxes at the joke, and playfully nudges Lexa with her shoulder. Lexa resists the urge to wrap her arm around her. Instead, she turns to see that Octavia and Anya have slowed their pace. The former girl offers an exaggerated wink from across the road, and the latter gives a not-too-subtle thumbs up.

 

_Your friends are such dorks. Sweet, lovable and somewhat invasive dorks._

 

“They’re retreating now, Clarke. I’m so sorry about that.”

 

“Don’t, it’s cute that they look out for you like that. How did they know you liked me, though? Did you tell them? Do you think that they’ll guess about us?”

 

Lexa flushes with embarrassment. “Apparently I’m very easy to read. They even have this awful nickname for me because of it.”

 

“Tell me the nickname!” Clarke exclaims, suddenly interested.

 

Lexa groans. “Oh god no, you’d lose all respect you have for me. Anyway, apparently they could tell it by the way I look at you. I don’t think they’d guess about us, though; as you could see, Octavia seriously doubts that I’m able to act on my own feelings without intervention, and Anya wants minimal involvement. They don’t think I’d have the guts to ask you out.”

 

Clarke hums in understanding, and then begins to smirk.

 

“Is something I said funny?” Lexa asks, perplexed.

 

“Oh, nothing. Apparently your friends and I have something in common.”

 

“What is it?”

 

Clarke’s cheeks tint with red, and she shakes her head. Lexa gives her a small nudge of encouragement, enticing the words out of the blonde.

 

“It’s the same way that I knew you liked me too. Remember the sentence that I never finished earlier, and you forgot to ask about after lunch?”

 

The memory immediately comes back to Lexa, and a warm feeling tingles across her lips when she remembers what she did to try and get it out of the blonde.

 

“Well, what I was going to say was that you always look so severe, unless you’re looking at me. Even with Anya or Octavia, you only soften a little with them. I noticed pretty early on, which is when I began to acknowledge my feelings for you, and then…” Clarke lets the end of the sentence hang in the air between them. She looks at Lexa, her blue eyes now dark, piecing right into Lexa’s soul. The sight almost overwhelms Lexa.

 

“Heart Eyes.”

 

“What?”

 

“The awful nickname. It’s Heart Eyes.”

 

A ridiculous grin spreads across Clarke’s face.

 

“You have no idea how unbelievably appropriate that is, Lexa.”

 

Lexa playfully swats her on the arm. They just reach the doors to the restaurant, and the concierge holds the door open for them, smiling politely.

 

“Just don’t make me regret telling you that.”

 

“Oh, on the contrary, I think you should be rewarded for your honesty,” the blonde whispers under her breath.

 

Clarke strides through the doors before Lexa, leaving her to gape after her, mind racing as to what kind of reward that would be.

 

————————

 

“We’ll take the check now, please.”

 

The waiter nods, and removes the final dessert dishes resting before Clarke and Lexa. Lexa was astonished by the sheer amount of food that Clarke could eat; she had eaten a sizeable starter, a steak as a main, and finished off both her and Lexa’s desserts. 

 

_It’s a wonder that she’s in such the incredible shape that she is, considering how little exercise she does._

 

Lexa pulls out her credit card to pay and Clarke’s eyes widen.

 

“Is that Platinum?”

 

Lexa nods nonchalantly, trying not to draw attention to the fact.

 

“Lexa, what exactly is it that your family do?”

 

“We’re in software engineering.” 

 

_You’re not just_ in _software engineering. You pretty much own the market._

 

“What happened with you then?”

 

“Sorry, what?”

 

“You’re doing law. That’s not really in the family business, is it?” Clarke looks at her, intrigued.

 

“I-I don’t actually know. Nobody has ever asked that before. Most people just ask about the money.”

 

Clarke shrugs. “I think you’re more interesting than money.”

 

“You must have some of it yourself. I mean, your mom’s a pretty important surgeon.”

 

“Yeah, I’m quite fortunate, but you’re rich,” Clarke shrugs, growing visibly uneasy. Lexa suddenly feels guilty for the change in mood. It was not what she intended by the comment. “Anyway, my dad’s pretty sick at the moment, and for some reason there’s an issue with our insurance so we have to pay for stuff ourselves. His medical bills are pretty high, so we’re not as well-off as people think we are.”

 

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa places her hand on Clarke’s knee under the table. It was as sympathetic as she could be in public without making Clarke uncomfortable. She’s also surprised when she realises how little she actually knows about the girl she had been living with for the past two months.

 

_At least you have a lot of discovering to look forward to._

 

The blonde doesn’t say anything, but just stares down at the table, fiddling with the cutlery. The waiter returns and Lexa settles the bill. 

 

Lexa’s heart clenches when she sees how uneasy Clarke is. She quickly realises how upset it makes her to see anything other than a smile on Clarke’s face.

 

“Clarke?” she says softly, and the other girl looks up. “Want to get out of here?”

 

A weak smile grows on Clarke’s face.

 

“I thought you’d never ask.”

 

————————

 

Lexa finds herself and Clarke brushing off each other with increased frequency as they make their way back to their dorm room. Lexa knows that she’s desperate for more contact; she suspects that Clarke is too, but neither girl moves to fulfil their unsaid desires. Lexa’s excitement is too overwhelming for her pay much attention to her slight frustration at this fact.

 

Their building seems deserted as they arrive back to campus. When they finally reach the door, Lexa feels Clarke reach into her jacket pocket and remove her keys. Clarke dangles them in front of her face, playful look in her eyes.

 

“You know, I can never work these things. Show me?”

 

Lexa’s confused as to why Clarke wants to do this now, but plucks the keys from her hand. Turning, she carefully slots the key into the lock.

 

She feels arms wrap swiftly around her waist, Clarke’s breath hot against the base of her neck. Clarke’s hips grind slow circles against her back, steadily increasing in pressure, driving Lexa crazy with desire.

 

_If this is her idea of a game, it seems like something to which you could grow accustomed._

 

Opening the door has become an impossible task to Lexa, her hands fumble with the lock as she fails to concentrate on the seemingly simple task. However, her need to open is it now greater than ever.

 

After several excruciating seconds, the door finally flies open before her, and she quickly drags Clarke inside. She closes the it far more forcefully than she had intended, pressing Clarke against it and kissing her softly. She uses one hand to cup Clarke’s face, and firmly holds the her hip with the other. It’s the best thing she can do to prevent her hands from roaming; she wants Clarke to set the pace for anything that happens between them.

 

She can feel Clarke bite down lightly on her lip, driving Lexa into overdrive. Instinctively, her knee moves between Clarke’s legs, pressing gently against her. She’s surprised by the forwardness of her actions, and briefly pauses, silently asking Clarke if she’s okay with it. As a response, Clarke moves her hips back and forth on her thigh, lightly moaning into Lexa’s mouth. Lexa takes this as a positive response.

 

Lexa increases the pace of the kiss, intoxicated by the sweet taste that fills her mouth. She feels Clarke break away, and Lexa takes the opportunity to catch her breath before Clarke delivers the next overload to her senses. 

 

The blonde moves to her neck, tongue drawing intricate patterns on her skin. Lexa feels warmth erupt between her legs as Clarke begins to suck lightly, and she stretches her neck to give Clarke more access to the area.

 

After several blissful moments, Clarke pushes back against her, moving them both away from the door. Lexa backs away until she can feel a bed appear behind her knees, but she has no idea if whose it is. She hardly cares.

 

Clarke puts her hands on her shoulders and pushes her down. Lexa’s mind nearly explodes as Clarke places a knee either side of her, straddling her hips. Her hands move down to Clarke’s waist, gripping it tightly, kissing each other with ever increasing passion and longing. Lexa’s hips buck when Clarke once again bites her lip, eliciting a small laugh from the blonde.

 

_God, you’ve only been together a day and she already figured out your trigger._

 

Clarke’s hips grind against Lexa’s pubic bone, and Lexa can feel herself grow wet at the contact. The idea of having sex with Clarke that night becomes nearly irresistible to her, but she knows that that’s not how she wants to do this.

 

Reluctantly, she breaks the kiss and looks at Clarke, her eyes a deep shade of indigo, full of desire.

 

“Clarke, wait,” Lexa says, her chest still heaving from her heavy breathing. “I don’t want the fact that we live together to artificially accelerate our relationship.”

 

Clarke nods, and looks somewhat relieved. “Yeah, me neither. I wasn’t sure how this was going to work. I mean, I never usually sleep with people after the first date, because we usually have our own rooms to go back to. But with us, well, obviously that’s not the case. I just didn’t know what you’d expect, so…” Clarke doesn’t finish her sentence, but she doesn’t need to. Lexa understands. She puts her hands either side of Clarke’s face and caresses her cheeks.

 

“Clarke, you never need to feel pressured to do anything with me, okay? There’ll be time for all of that. Let’s just take this one step at a time.”

 

Clarke smiles and places a gentle kiss onto the brunette’s forehead. 

 

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

 

————————

 

Lexa crawls into bed, listening to Clarke brush her teeth in their shared bathroom. She’s just about to turn her phone off when she notices a list of missed calls and texts, largely from Octavia, but a few from Anya as well. She sighs, and quickly sends them both a text arranging for them to meet for lunch in a few day’s time. When she puts down her phone, she notices Clarke standing in the door to the bathroom, watching her.

 

“Everything okay?” Lexa asks, her drowsiness apparent in her voice.

 

Clarke nods and smiles. “You just look really beautiful right now.”

 

Lexa can feel her cheeks go read at the comment.

 

_If only she knew how many times you wanted to say the very same words to her._

 

Sighing, Lexa rolls on her back, staring up at the ceiling. She hears Clarke cross to Lexa’s side of the room, and feels the bed shift as Clarke crawls into it beside her. She rests her head on Lexa’s shoulder, and places one of her hands on her chest. Lexa is initially paralysed by the action, and can feel herself stiffen under the blonde’s touch.

 

“Is this okay, Lexa?”

 

Upon hearing Clarke’s soft voice in her ear, all tension suddenly dissipates from her body.

 

“Yes, Clarke. It’s perfect.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. Slightly later than anticipated, but seeing as it's five minutes before midnight, I did technically deliver it on the right day, so I won't be too hard on myself for bad timekeeping. 
> 
> A lot happens in this chapter, even though it takes place on the same day as the last one. I hope you enjoy it. Future chapters will probably take place over a slightly longer timespan, but I always feel that the first day of a relationship is an important one, hence dedicating two chapters to it.
> 
> Thank you all for your kudos and comments so far, I really appreciate them.


	7. Chapter Seven

Octavia nearly jumps out of her seat when Lexa finally walks into the restaurant. The meeting had been delayed several times due to college commitments, and this is the first time all three girls are free since Clarke and Lexa started dating. 

 

_Not that they know that._

 

Lexa swallows down her nervousness. She has no idea how she’s going to pull this off. Even though she had been dating Clarke just under a week, this is the first time she has to explicitly lie about their situation to them.

 

_You’ll pull it off like you did last time. Put your best lawyer face on; lying should be natural then._

 

Eventually she makes it to the table and she slides into the booth beside Anya. Octavia’s excitement is plastered onto her face, and Lexa’s surprised that she hasn’t burst yet.

 

“How’s it going with Clarke?”

 

“Nice to see you too, Octavia.” Anya laughs at Lexa’s snarky remark, earning a glare from Octavia in response.

 

“I know you’re fine, that’s not interesting. I have my priorities straight.”

 

“You’re lucky you haven’t seen her before now. It’s the only thing she can talk about all week.” Anya says, amusement in her voice.

 

“I’m glad that this crazy mission of yours is causing you two to spend more time together. It’s nice that someone’s benefitting.”

 

Octavia waves her hand in dismissal of Lexa’s comment.

 

“Come on, stop teasing. Just tell us how awesome it is to be dating Clarke Griffin.”

 

“I’m not.” The lie comes out easier than Lexa expected it would.

 

Octavia’s eyes widen in shock.

 

“But-but you went to a fancy restaurant. You guys spend so much time together, and-”

 

“Octavia, we _live_ together.”

 

Octavia rolls her eyes. “You never used to. Now we see you even less than before, we assumed you guys were just ‘enjoying’ each other’s company, so to speak.”

 

“We just study together, that’s all.”

 

“Study together, or study each other?”

 

Lexa feels herself turn scarlet at the comment.

 

_If only she knew how close she was getting._

 

“Octavia, really? We’re becoming good friends, and I’m okay with that. I mean, she only just broke up with Finn, it would be a little odd if she suddenly took an interest in me after that.”

 

_Actually, she took an interest in you before that, but who even cares?_

 

Anya takes her turn to join in the conversation. “What was with that, actually? What did the poor bastard do to earn a punch from you?”

 

Lexa knows that there’s no point in denying that it was her who had hit Finn. She guessed Octavia saw the damaged and correctly pinned the blame on her.

 

“He looked like he was going to hurt Clarke. I had to stop it.” she says plainly, trying to act like it wasn’t a big deal. She doesn’t feel like drawing attention to her somewhat heroic actions.

 

Octavia, predictably, isn’t about to let it slide. She squeals in joy, almost bouncing on her seat.

 

“That is by far the cutest thing I’ve ever heard. I need to tell Lincoln about this, it’s adorable. Look at you getting all protective over Clarke,” her voice has raised to an even higher pitch than normal, and Anya mock-winces at her. Octavia doesn’t even care. “I knew that you guys would be my OTP.”

 

“OTP?” 

 

“One True Pairing,” Anya explains, almost bored. “It’s just some acronym people on the Internet use. Octavia has built a one-person fandom around you and Clarke. It’s nauseating.”

 

“Oh, Anya, don’t play that game. It was your idea to follow them to the restaurant. You’re just as invested in Clexa as I am.”

 

Lexa’s surprise at Anya’s involvement is overshadowed by Octavia’s use of her moniker for Clarke and Lexa.

 

“I suppose my objection to that couple name won’t even be recognised by this ‘fandom’?”

 

“Nope, not in the slightest.”

 

Lexa sighs, trying to look annoyed but in reality she’s amused by Octavia’s antics. She can’t rid herself of the guilt nagging at the back of her mind, but she endeavours to ignore it.

 

_You just need to ignore it for now. Clarke will eventually come around, you’ll see. Octavia and Anya seems to be enjoying this though, in spite of everything._

 

Lexa just tries not to think about how upset they’ll be when they eventually uncover the truth.

 

———————

 

Clarke’s back is resting against her shoulder and Lexa tries to rehydrate after her run. This was the eighth time that Clarke had joined her after their first time, and the blonde had kept to her word that she wasn’t going to jog with Lexa. Instead, each time she packs a bag with art supplies and places herself firmly under the tree as Lexa does her laps of the meadow. 

 

As she’s running, Lexa can’t help but steal glances at Clarke. She can just about make out her brow, furrowed in concentration, as she swiftly traces her pencil over the paper. Despite her fierce attention to her work, Clarke looks content. It’s the most calm Lexa ever sees the blonde. She feels a well of emotions stir each time she witnesses the scene. It’s pure, unadulterated beauty.

 

Lexa wishes that she could take picture to capture the memory, but she knows that no camera could ever do it justice.

 

“Bellamy’s having a pizza and movie night at his place tomorrow if you want to come.” Clarke says absent-mindedly, still absorbed in her work.

Lexa considers the offer. It had been two weeks since they first visited the field, and in that time Lexa had hung out with Clarke and her friends three times. It was nearly as much as she had seen Anya and Octavia. 

 

Lexa understands why Clarke is doing this; she wants her friends to grow accustomed to the idea of Lexa-the-Roommate before introducing her as anything more. As nervous as Lexa is around her them, she appreciates that Clarke is doing this. It shows that she at least sees a future for their relationship, and is just testing the waters.

 

_She wouldn’t be going through these measures if I were a guy, though._

 

Lexa pushes the thought out of her mind, and offers Clarke a reply.

 

“Sure, I’d love to, darling. I have a project due next Monday, though, so I don’t know how long I can stay.”

 

“Thank you, Lexa.” She can hear Clarke’s smile through her words. 

 

“Clarke, can I see what you’re drawing? I have never seen anything you’ve done before.”

 

Lexa’s been curious to see some of Clarke’s pieces since she found out that the girl drew, but had never asked to see anything until that point in time. She figured that if Clarke wanted her to see, she would show her. However, she now fears that her respect for Clarke’s privacy could be mistaken for disinterest, which is certainly not the case.

 

“I’d love to show you, Lexa, but it’s not very good. I’d rather show you something I knew was more worthy.”

 

Despite never glimpsing her work, Lexa knows that Clarke is being modest. Her art supplies look to be of too high a quality for this to be a casual interest. 

 

“Please, Clarke?” she pushes gently, jovially pushing Clarke’s back with her shoulder. Her voice is soft, slightly pleading. She rarely uses this tone, knowing that it usually helps her succeed in getting what she wants. This seems like a worthy cause.

 

She hears Clarke chuckle quietly to herself. “Fine,” she says, turning to face Lexa. “But I assure you that I can do better. I’m just not feeling it as much today”

 

Lexa smiles graciously as she takes the sketchbook from Clarke’s hands, turning it around so she can look at the open page properly. What she sees knocks all the air from her lungs.

 

The image that Lexa wanted to capture forever was intricately drawn on the smooth paper before her. The meadow that she has grown so fond of is on the page, with all of its shades of brown and red and orange carefully blended together. The tree takes up much of the left side of the image, stretching into the hazy blue sky, each branch carefully traced out in detail. All of that was background to Lexa, though. It’s what’s under the tree that really arrests her heart.

 

She can make out two figures lounging against its base, and although their faces are smudged, Lexa knows who they are. The blonde in the picture has her head on the brunette figure’s lap, staring up at the sky. The brunette is staring into the woods surrounding them, but Lexa knows by the way she’s cradling the head on her lap that her attention is really focused on the blonde.

 

Lexa stares at the image before her, and hears a slight cough from Clarke.

 

“I mean, I know the shading around the tree isn’t perfect, but I left those pencils back in my room, so-” Lexa quickly cuts her off with a kiss. It’s short, sweet, and full of adoration.

“Can I keep it?” Lexa asks, trying to make her eyes look as pleading as possible.

 

“Um, if you want, it’s not finished though. I can do better.”

 

“I love it, it’s perfect. I’d be honoured if you let me have it.”

 

A shy smile spreads across Clarke’s face.

 

“Of course, Lexa. If you really like it, of course it’s yours.” 

 

Lexa thanks her with a kiss, much less chaste than the previous one. Before things can get too heated between them, Clarke pulls away and pushes Lexa playfully.

 

“Come on, Heart Eyes. We better get back so we can get ready for class.”

 

Lexa groans and shoves Clarke back.

 

“You know I hate that name, Clarke.”

 

“I do know. I only use it when I think it’s really appropriate.”

 

Clarke jumps up before Lexa can retort. Lexa lets out an indistinguishable noise of exasperation at how easy she is to read before getting ready to come home with Clarke.

 

As they slowing make their way home, Lexa can’t help but wonder how much Clarke can really read from her eyes.

 

Largely, she wonders if Clarke knows by now that Lexa has entirely forfeited her heart over to her.

 

Lexa doesn’t have the courage to ask to find out.

 

———————

 

Lexa nervously fiddles with the fraying cuffs of her jacket as she waits with Clarke and Raven in the elevator on their way up to Bellamy’s apartment. The two other girls are talking about some TV show that Lexa doesn’t watch, but she’s too focused on the task before her to pay attention. She feels like every social occasion that she shares with Clarke’s friends is like some impossible mission in which she needs to succeed. Normally, she wouldn’t put that much effort into gatherings like this. However, she’s willing to for Clarke’s sake.

 

When they eventually reach the right floor, Lexa follows Clarke and Raven out of the elevator to what must be Bellamy’s apartment. She takes a deep breath as they knock, and meets Clarke’s eyes as she glances back at her. Her eyebrow is arched silently asking if Lexa is okay. Lexa smiles and nods back, but she knows that Clarke isn’t convinced. Her eyes always give her away.

 

However, the blonde has no time to try to reassure her, either verbally or visually. The door swings open before them to a grinning Bellamy, arms spread wide.

 

“Raven, Clarke! Glad you finally showed up, we were nearly going to order pizza without you. Lexa, pleasure to see you again, Octavia was just talking about you.”

 

Lexa’s taken aback by the comment. “Octavia’s here?” 

 

“Yup, Anya too. She heard that there would be pizza so invited herself and Anya over. Didn’t she tell you?”

 

“It must have slipped her mind” Lexa muttered, mind suddenly racing. She hopes that this isn’t another ploy to try and get her and Clarke together.

 

From the look that flashed in Clarke’s eyes, it’s evident that she’s thinking the same thing.

 

_It would be so much easier if you could just tell her. Octavia could be subtle if you asked her to be._

 

Lexa doesn’t even bother entertaining the thought much longer. She knows that Clarke would tell her when she’s ready.

 

“Lexa! I thought you were coming tonight,” Octavia springs up from her position between Anya and Lincoln on the couch. “I was just telling them about the time you completely pummelled that guy back in during boxing tournament two years ago, even though he was three times your size.”

 

“I hope you told them the context too, so it doesn’t seem like I just entertain myself by beating up unfortunate men.”  

 

“Oh, don’t worry, I did. What was the name of the girl you rescued from the mugging, again? Clara?”

 

Lexa bristles, suddenly realising what Octavia is playing at.

 

“Costia. Her name was Costia,” her tone is clipped, attempting to communicate to Octavia how unimpressed she is by the conversation.

 

“Costia, of course. She was hot, wasn’t she?” 

 

Lexa’s irritation at her best friend is only growing.

 

_She knows how that relationship ended. What is she trying to do? Make Clarke jealous at the idea of me with another girl?_

 

Lexa can only bring herself to nod noncommittally. She’s afraid what kind of harsh comment she’d attack Octavia with if she tries to speak.

 

“How long did you guys date for?”

 

The whole room falls silent at the question. Lexa can see Anya’s jaw drop at the comment, and Lincoln’s eyes are wide. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see Clarke freeze, her jaw set hard. Octavia’s antics in front of Clarke two weeks ago were just about permissible; outing her in front of a group of people could be deemed inexcusable. Lexa didn’t care if this group of people that she barely called friends knew if she were gay or not; it’s the possible implications with Clarke that she was scared of.

 

“Just under seven months.” Lexa sent Octavia desperate warning glances.

 

_Just drop it, Octavia. This isn’t the time, and you know it._

 

Lexa finally releases the breath that she didn’t realise she had been holding until she watches Octavia shrug in front of her. She knows that she’s trying to act cool, but Lexa can see that she’s visibly shaken.

 

“Cool, I just forgot. When are we ordering pizza?”

 

It takes several seconds for Bellamy to respond. “We can do it now, sis, if you agree to pay your fair share.”

Octavia makes exaggerated puppy-dog eyes at her brother, and firmly sticks out her bottom lip.

 

“You mean, my big brother won’t even buy me pizza now? I thought you loved me?”

 

Octavia’s display causes several people in the room to burst out laughing, and Bellamy rolls his eyes in a defeatist way. Lexa smiles at how much of a pushover he is for his sister, and silently thanks him for helping relieve the tension.

 

She finally allows herself to properly look at Clarke, whose eyes are wide but calm.

 

Lexa internally groans and curses Octavia. She knows that they’re going to have to talk about this later.

 

———————

 

Pizza boxes are stacked in front of them, and everyone is lounging around Bellamy’s living room after overindulging themselves.

 

Lexa had kept herself out of most of the conversation that was made over dinner. Nobody questioned it; most people here were accustomed to her silence. She remained firmly glued to Anya’s side, unable to even look at Octavia. The older girl was more attuned to Lexa’s anger, and didn’t try to force her into conversation. Anya’s calming silence was what she needed at the time.

 

Clarke had moved around the room to talk to various friends of hers over dinner. Wells, Raven, Murphy, Monty and Jasper had all shown up at Bellamy’s, as well as a girl that Lexa hadn’t recognised but Bellamy had introduced as his girlfriend, Echo. Now, though, Clarke was sitting snuggly beside Lexa on the couch. Everybody was sitting pretty close together, so nobody batted an eyelid at the increased contact between the two.

 

_Too bad she’s only comfortable enough to do this with you when everybody else is doing it first._

 

“Urgh, somebody should have stopped me after my eight slice,” Raven moans from her place sprawled on the ground between Murphy and Jasper. “Clarke, you once agreed to stop me doing stupid things like this.”

 

“I tried for a little while, but then I realised that I’d basically have to stop you ever leaving the house to prevent you from doing dumb things, and even then I couldn’t guarantee you’d be okay. So, I had relinquish my duties and let you be the fool you are.”

 

The crowd laughed as Raven threw a pillow at Clarke’s head, narrowly missing it. Even Lexa’s heart lightened at the interaction. It makes her happy to see how joyous Clarke is around her friends.

 

_Don’t forget, Clarke also fears the opinion of these people. Perhaps you should, too._

 

“Hey! No throwing in my apartment, just because I get it for being an RA doesn’t mean I can go around breaking things. Same goes for you guys, too.”

 

Raven rolls her eyes, muttering something about Clarke deserving it under her breath before playfully reaching over to punch Bellamy on the leg. It amazes Lexa how such a big group all seemed to know each other so well. She could only ever manage a few friends at a time; a gang like this is nearly unbelievable.

 

“So, what are the plans for the winter break, then? Murphy, Echo, Wells and I were thinking of taking a road trip somewhere, but we aren’t sure. We have three weeks to do it before Christmas Day, so we want to go somewhere fun.”

 

Octavia’s eyes widen at the idea.

 

“Can I come? You know that I’ve always wanted to go on a road tip, Bell. Come on, you promised we’d do one together some day.”

 

Raven piped up too, and Jasper and Monty shared a sneaky glance at each other before adding their voices to the conversation. The volume filled the room, rendering the attempt at productive negotiations completely useless. Lexa wonders why Clarke isn’t adding to noise, and turns to see the blonde looking at her, eyes questioning.

 

“If I said that I wanted to go, would you come?” her breath is slightly more than a whisper, only audible to Lexa.

 

_You know Indra and Gustus will be out of the country doing business for all of the break. You were only planning on staying here for the holiday anyway, and Clarke knows that._

 

There’s one thing that’s nagging on her mind.

 

“Clarke, how will be make sure that nobody…” her voice trails off, but she knows that Clarke will understand.

 

“We’ll make it work, trust me.”

 

The look in Clarke’s eyes causes Lexa to abandon all caution and hesitation she has about the idea.

 

“Then yes, of course.”

 

“Guys!” Bellamy shouts over the din, causing immediately silence. Lexa’s impressed at how well he can command a room. “If we want to organise this, we need to see who’s going. Okay, raise your hands if you’re interested. Anyone in this room is welcome to come.” 

 

He glances over at Lexa and Anya, knowing that they’d be the most hesitant to join in, seeing as they’re relative outsiders to the group. Lexa’s heart warms slightly when she considers how welcoming he’s being.

 

Hands shoot in the air, including Anya’s, much to Lexa’s surprise. Lexa looks at her in mild confusion, and Anya smirks back. Lexa can’t help but feel that there’s something Anya isn’t telling her.

 

_Or maybe she’s just going to try and protect you from Octavia._

 

“Okay, so we have Wells, Murphy, Monty, Jasper, Raven, Echo, Octavia, Clarke, Lexa, Anya, Lincoln, and myself. Actually, Clarke, there’s one more thing…” Lexa stiffens when she hears Clarke singled out, fearing what may come next.

 

“All of this was originally Finn’s idea. I know things didn’t end well between you, but Murphy and I are not entirely sure that we feel comfortable leaving him out. I mean, we were friends long before you guys started dating, and the three of us still get along really well, so would it be okay for you if he came too? It seems that there are enough of us so that you guys would barely have to spend time together,” Bellamy hesitantly asks Clarke, eyes mildly concerned.

 

Before Clarke can answer, though, Murphy jumps in.

 

“Well, seeing as Finn was our friend before Princess here, I don’t really think we should be asking if he can come, but whatever,” he says before taking a swig from his beer. “We should really be asking Finn if it’s okay she she graces us with her presence.”

 

Lexa has to control the urge to cross the room and punch him in the face.

 

_Don’t worry, Lexa. Clarke hates Finn, and she chose you. It’ll be okay._

 

“Murph, that’s not fair, let Clarke-”

 

“No, Bellamy, he has a point. I don’t want what happened to get between you guys and Finn. Of course he can come, I just won’t ride in the same car as him.”

 

Lexa can feel her heart drop to the pit of her stomach at the words. Her skin grows cold, despite Clarke pressing against her shoulder lightly. 

 

“Okay, that’s settled. Thank you, Clarke,” Bellamy poignantly looks at her, sincere in his gratitude. Then he turns to the rest of the room and asks: “Okay, where to?”

 

The room erupts in noise again as people throw out suggestions. Lexa can feel Clarke move subtly beside her to whisper in her ear.

 

“I’m sorry, Lexa. You understand, it throws off suspicion. And you heard Bellamy, it was his idea. I hate him, but that doesn’t mean I have to be unfair on him.”

 

Lexa can only curtly indicate her head to show Clarke that she had heard what she said. Her mind was a turmoil of emotions; none of them were good.

 

“Please don’t be upset, Lexa. Bellamy had a point. Anyway, this way we spend the break together, which will be great, won’t it?”

 

Clarke’s feeble attempt does nothing to help Lexa’s soured mood. “They wouldn’t have been suspicious, Clarke. He’s your ex-boyfriend, and he was a jerk to you.”

 

“That’s true, but he’s also their friend, and I don’t mean to be immodest, but they also know that I’m too nice to refuse him from joining us on the grounds of bad blood between us. They know that I’d just suck it up and move on.”

 

Lexa sighs, knowing that Clarke has a point. They would have been more suspicious if she didn’t act like her noble self and let him come. She curses Clarke for being such a good person in this scenario.

 

“Okay, Clarke. On one condition. You can guarantee that we share a tent.”

 

She can feel Clarke relax beside her and sees her smile in relief.

 

“Deal.”

 

Their private conversation ends when they hear Bellamy shout over everyone again.

 

“Monty, Jasper, we are not going to make it to Mexico in a week. We don’t even have anywhere to stay while we’re there. Does anyone have any better ideas?”

 

“Bellamy, what was the original plan?” Octavia asks playfully. “Or was ‘road trip’ as far as you got?”

 

Bellamy blushes at the question. “Well, I was originally intending on bringing people to Uncle Sinclair’s place back down in South Carolina, but it turns out that he’s returning from his tour of Europe early so it won’t be free. It’s no where big enough to fit all of us anyway. So unless someone here happens to have a spare house that we can just arrive to, I’m kind of empty on ideas.”

 

Lexa’s surprised to hear herself speak up.

 

“I do.”

 

All eyes turn to her, each one full of surprise. It takes Lexa a moment before she realises that they want her to continue.

 

“My family have a place just outside Miami that we occasionally use during the winter. They won’t be there this year, though, so it’ll be empty.”

 

Bellamy’s eyes light up with glee. “That sounds great, Lexa. Are you sure it’ll be big enough for all of us?”

 

_Oh, it will be. With room to spare._

 

She shrugs. “I’m pretty sure it will be.”

 

“And you really don’t mind?” Octavia pushes, leaning forward in excitement.

 

“It would be my pleasure.”

 

“Great, it’s a plan. We found an old RV online that can house eight people, and if five more drive in Raven’s van then we can all make it down. Is everyone okay with that? If so, we leave in just over a week, when classes end.”

 

The crowd erupt in cheers as a response. The only reaction that Lexa cares about is Clarke’s though. When she turns, the beaming smile that the blonde offers her causes any of her concerns to evaporate. She’s willing to go through weeks of potential social awkwardness to see that smile again.

 

_Lexa, I hope you realise how damn whipped this girl has you._

 

Lexa does realise, though. And to her, it’s the best feeling in the world.

 

———————

 

Clarke and Lexa are lying on the rug between their beds later that night, staring at the ceiling, hands entwined. They hadn’t said much to each other since they returned, but Lexa knew that things needed to be discussed.

 

“Lexa, thank you so much for what you did in Bellamy’s. It was incredible. You’re just the most amazing girlfriend I could ask for.”

 

“It’s no problem, darling,” she turns on her side to look at Clarke, and brushes a blonde hair off of her face.

 

And then it hits her.

 

“Wait, girlfriend?” 

 

Neither of them had used that phrase to describe the other before. Lexa is fine with not putting a label on their relationship, but Clarke’s usage of the term still causes her surprise.

 

“Yeah, isn’t that what we are? Or am I jumping ahead a bit?” Clarke looks slightly worried, and too moves on her side to get a better view of Lexa.

 

“No, of course not. I just thought that was something people normally ask to be instead of just randomly saying it.”

 

“Lexa, you’re so old fashioned, do you know that?”

 

Clarke laughs, and pushes Lexa onto her back, rolling on top of her. She entwines her their fingers in one hand, and uses the other to support herself beside Lexa’s head. Lexa’s breath quickens at the motion.

 

“Well then, Lexa Woods,” her voice is low and full of affection. Lexa can feel her heart beat quickly in her chest. “Would you do me the immeasurable honour of being my girlfriend?”

 

Lexa can’t stop the silly grin that spreads across her face at the sweet and cheesy gesture.

 

“Why yes, Clarke Griffin, if you could do me the same honour.”

 

“Agreed.” Clarke bends down to kiss Lexa, and Lexa wraps her hands into Clarke’s hair. Her chest was about to explode with affection for this girl.

 

“LEXA?!” 

 

Both girls shoot up from the floor to see Octavia standing in the open doorway, her jaw hanging in surprise. Lexa steps in front of Clarke, as if trying to protect her from what she feared the most.

 

Lexa’s shock quickly evolves into the same anger that she had for Octavia earlier that night.

 

“Octavia, why couldn’t you knock?!” 

 

It’s clear that Octavia is biting her cheeks, trying to hide a smile.

 

_At least she’s showing some sense in being discreet with her glee._

 

“Oh, I did, but I guess you were too busy to hear it. Wait until Anya hears-”

 

“NO,” Lexa yells, aggressively making her way towards Octavia. She had never found reason to hit her outside the ring before; she guesses that this could be it.

 

“Nobody hears of this, Octavia. Nobody.”

 

“But-”

 

“Octavia, please.” Lexa turns on her heel to see Clarke standing still, her face pale and full of worry. “I’m not out yet, I don’t want people to know. I’m still trying to figure things out. Please don’t push me to do this before I’m ready.”

 

Clarke’s voice is soft, barely above a whisper. Lexa’s heart breaks barely at the pleading tone of her voice. Clearly, so does Octavia’s. Her eyes immediately soften to regret, and she shifts uncomfortably on her feet.

 

“Okay, Clarke. You guys can trust me. I won’t tell. It’s probably good that you have an ally, with the road trip and all.”

 

Lexa can feel the knot in her throat lessen in size a little. Her eyes are still on Clarke, who nods gently.

 

“Okay, Octavia. I believe you. Now please, go. We can talk more about this tomorrow.”

 

“Lexa, wait. The reason I came here was to apologise for earlier, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable in front of all those people-”

 

“You’re forgiven, Octavia,” Lexa says, even though she knows she isn’t. She just needs her gone for Clarke’s sake. “Now, please, go.”

 

Octavia nods solemnly before leaving the room, understanding that she isn’t wanted there. Clarke collapses on the bed as soon as the door shuts behind her. Lexa moves to sit beside her.

 

“Octavia’s loyal, she won’t say anything. It’ll be okay Clarke, I promise.”

 

The blonde takes her hand and kisses the palm, unable to say anything as a response.

 

Lexa only hopes that she can keep the promise.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of what happens in this chapter draws on what's happened to me before. I've had to endure painfully long times with a girlfriend's ex while friends didn't know what was going on, and thus were powerless to stop my continued discomfort. I've been inadvertently (and, sometimes, on purpose) outed in front of a crowd to receive nothing but stunned stares in response. I hope that I'm conveying some of what I felt in response accurately in this chapter. 
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for all the kudos left so far. It really does mean a lot to me.


	8. Chapter Eight

This time, when Lexa walks into the restaurant, Octavia is not half as excited as she was before. Lexa’s face is stoney as she approaches the table, trying to show Octavia that she means business. 

 

_If you were the lying lawyer yesterday, you’re going play the hard-ass DA today._

 

“Good morning, Octavia.”

 

“Hi, Lexa, first of all I’d like to-”

 

“Octavia, I’d appreciate if you hear me out first before you say anything else.”

 

She sees the girl in front of her swallow hard and nod, clearly nervous.

 

“Okay, let me explain what happened, and then you can ask your questions. It’ll probably work easier that way. Statement then cross-examination style.”

 

And so Lexa explains it. She details what happened on the balcony that night, and how they met in the park the next day. She tells of how she kissed her, and of how they agreed to be together, of their little secret. She tells of Finn’s sudden visit. She tells of how she and Clarke study side by side during the day and sleep in the same bed each by night. 

 

But, more importantly, she tells of emotion. She tells of how frustrated she is that Clarke subtly increases the distance between them when they walk together on the street. She tells of how angry she is that not only is Finn joining them on the journey, but she has to let him stay in her own home too. She tells of how sad it makes her that Octavia’s the only person that knows, and even then, she shouldn’t.

 

She also tells Octavia that she doesn’t remember the last time she felt this happy. Her days now revolve around Clarke, trying to see her whenever possible. She does little things to try and make Clarke smile. She brings her breakfast to eat in bed on the days that she doesn’t accompany her on her run. When she’s in the meadow and Clarke is sitting under the tree, she’ll pick the prettiest flower she can find from the path to present to her when she returns to sit beside her. Clarke does similar gestures in return. Lexa’s favourite by far are the small cartoons of herself and Clarke that the blonde leaves around the room for Lexa to find.

 

Upon hearing this, Octavia squeals so loudly that the people sitting two tables over send her an angry glare. Octavia pays them no attention.

 

“You know, I thought you were going to be mad at me today. To be honest, Lexa, I think you’re more relieved,” Octavia raises her eyebrows poignantly at Lexa, giving a knowing look.

 

Lexa opens her mouth to retort, but stops herself promptly when she realises that the girl before her is right. 

 

“Look, I don’t really have any questions for you, you were pretty thorough in your explanation. I get why Clarke wants her privacy, and you have my word that I won’t tell anyone, even Anya or Lincoln. I don’t want to put what you guys have in danger, trust me, I’ve waited too long for this to happen to destroy it before my eyes.”

 

Lexa scoffs. “ _You’ve_ waited long enough for this?” 

 

“Come on, at times I thought that I was more invested in Clexa than you ever were.”

 

“I don’t think I was ever invested in _Clexa_ , but I agree that your enthusiasm was encouraging. Look; Clarke means a lot to me. I can’t really describe how much, words escape me. And I’ll do anything to keep it that way. So, please; no more public outings, no more making overt comments about my sexuality. I can’t have attention brought to that part of me, not if it could mean that they grow suspicious of Clarke too. I trust you to keep your mouth shut about us, and I need you to be quiet about that too. Please.”

 

“Of course, Lexa. On one condition-”

 

“I didn’t think that this was a negotiation” Lexa says snidely, but Octavia ignores the interruption. 

 

“Answer my question honestly. Are you sure you’re okay with the secrecy thing? I remember what you said happened last time, with Costia. I’m not going to let that happen to you again.”

 

Lexa bristles at the mention of Costia for the second time within twenty-four hours. She knew that she had intended to scold her over Octavia about it, but decides to let it go. She appreciates Octavia’s support too much to ruin it now.

 

“Honestly, Octavia, I don’t know. I know that this trip we’re all taking is going to be testing, but I have to try. For Clarke. And something tells me I’m going to need your help.”

 

Octavia grins widely.

 

“Don’t worry, Heart Eyes. I’ve got your back.”

 

———————

 

Lexa sits on her desk, amused as she watches Clarke frantically trying to pack. They’re leaving the next day, but Lexa had her stuff ready days ago. Her girlfriend, however, is not nearly as organised.

 

“You know, it would have been easier if you just let me pack for you,” Lexa says, trying not to sound smug. The look that Clarke gives her suggests that she failed in this undertaking.

 

“You exams finished later than mine, I would have felt bad. Anyway, I’m nearly done, I just need to finish packing my shirts.”

 

Lexa underestimated how many shirts Clarke had that she needed to sift through to find ones she deemed suitable. It was a full thirty minutes later before Clarke finally zipped shut her suitcase.

 

“Darling, we’re going on a three-week road trip, not six-month tour of the world. I don’t know how you need so much stuff.”

 

“Frankly, Lexa, I don’t know how you have so little. I’m not sitting in the same car as you if you just wear the same smelly clothes all the time.” She moves to sit beside Lexa on the desk, placing her hand on her knee.

 

“I thought you liked the way I smell,” Lexa asks, planting teasing kisses on Clarke’s cheek.

Clarke laughs, placing her hands on either side of Lexa’s face, and places a chaste kiss on Lexa’s lips. “Okay, you’ve got me there. I’m still amazed, though.” 

 

She draws Lexa into another kiss, deeper this time. Lexa moves to pull the blonde onto her lap, wrapping her arms around her waist. She can feel Clarke’s cool hands move down to the hem of her top, tugging on it lightly. Lexa knows that can only mean one thing. 

 

She disengages from the kiss and pulls her shirt over her head, tossing it on the floor nearby. She sees Clarke begin to undo the buttons on her own shirt, but Lexa holds her hands to stop her.

 

“Here, let me.” She breaths into Lexa's skin.

 

She slowly begins to open the shirt, kissing Clarke along the new flesh that’s exposed to her. Clarke moans slightly at her touch, hands gripping her hair even harder. As soon as she’s done, Lexa discards of the shirt and makes quick work of ridding Clarke of her bra. The blonde quickly repeats the act on her.

 

Lexa bows her head and takes one of Clarke’s stiff nipples in her mouth, running slow circles around it with her tongue. Her fingers to toy with the other, and Clarke emits a soft whimper of pleasure at the actions. Waves of lust wash over Lexa. Her desires are becoming difficult to control.

 

She lifts Clarke up with ease and carries her to her bed. She takes a moment to catch her breath, and watches Clarke run her eyes up and down her body. Clarke’s eyes are full of desire, full of want. Lexa adores the way this makes her feel.

 

She straddles Clarke’s hips, and captures Clarke’s mouth in her own again. She bites on Clarke’s lip, as the blonde so often does to tease her, and this time receives a loud groan in response from Clarke. Unable to control herself any more, she feels herself grind down on Clarke’s hips, trying to exert as much pressure as possible.

 

This is as far as they had reached to this stage. In around a month of dating, and three months of living together, they had never had sex. Lexa had no issue with this; she had no desire to pressure Clarke. She did, however, know that Clarke had slept with Finn much sooner in their relationship than that, so one night, while lying in bed, she had asked her if she was comfortable with the idea of having sex with a girl.

 

Clarke looked horrified at the suggestion that she would be anything other than okay.

“Honestly, Lexa, I don’t care about that, male or female. I just care about the person that it’s with, nothing more.” Lexa hummed in understanding, but she had a feeling that Clarke wasn’t finished speaking, so held her silence.

 

“It’s just-I’m more nervous about it with a girl than a guy. I mean, I’ve never been with a woman before. I’m practically a virgin in that sense. I’m afraid that I’ll completely mess up and embarrass myself, and then you’ll wonder why you’re even with me.”

 

Lexa had kissed her gently on the forehead, trying to reassure the blonde. She needed to know that she didn’t care about Clarke’s skill, or lack of it.

 

“Clarke, I’m not trying to pressure you into anything. I was just curious. When you’re ready, you’ll feel it. But just promise me something,” she held Clarke’s gaze, to ensure she was paying attention, so she would know that Lexa was being sincere. “Promise me that we’ll only do it when you’re entirely comfortable, when you’re not embarrassed or nervous, and not a moment before. Okay? I want it to be about you. I want to show you how much I care.”

 

Clarke’s eyes had welled with the words, and she kissed Lexa in gratitude for her understanding.

 

In their bedroom in present time, Clarke’s hands move to the waistband of Lexa’s jeans, Lexa begins to think that Clarke had finally decided she was ready. First, though, she has to be sure.

 

“Clarke,” she says, panting heavily, just about getting the words out. “Are you sure about this?”

 

Clarke looks her in the eye, and Lexa’s momentarily lost in them. Her wonder doesn’t last long, though. Clarke has other things on her mind.

 

“Yes, sweetheart. Now get these off before I have to tear them.”

 

Lexa needs no further encouragement to strip down, and Clarke stands quickly to do the same. When they’re done, each take a long moment to absorb the sight of the other girl’s body. Clarke is stunning, and Lexa can feel warmth grow inside her at the sight.

 

She quickly moves to push Clarke back down on the bed, and takes her position over her. She moves Clarke’s hair from her neck, and sucks down on it hard, feeling Clarke’s body buck in response. She feels Clarke’s hands on her own breasts, squeezing them tenderly as her thumbs circled her nipples. She was losing her mind to Clarke’s body.

 

She drags her hands slowly down Clarke’s sides, enjoying the supple feeling of the blonde’s pale skin on her fingertips. Eventually, her hands reached Clarke’s legs, where they slowly moved to the inside of her thighs. Here, they trace intricate, meaningless designs into Clarke’s skin, all with the intention of teasing her. By the desperate sounds that Clarke is making, it seems to Lexa that it’s working.

 

Finally, she places the palm of her hand against Clarke’s pubic bone, and feels the blonde shudder in response. Although Clarke had said she was okay earlier, Lexa wants to get one last affirmation from her girlfriend to ensure that this is what she wanted.

 

She looks up to Clarke, and pleading look in her eyes tell her what she wants to know.

 

She begins to rub slow circles into Clarke, and Clarke quickly begins to grind against her hand. They rapidly increase in pace, Clarke all the while repeating Lexa’s name. This enthusiasm only fuels Lexa even more.

 

It doesn’t take long before Lexa’s hand is wet, and she decides to take things even further. Still keeping her palm pressed against Clarke’s most sensitive area, she moves two fingers down to begin to toy with Clarke’s opening. When she hears Clarke gasp, she slides two fingers inside her and begins to slowly thrust them, reducing the pace from before. She can feel Clarke’s body arch, pressing it against up against her own. 

 

Lexa trails kisses down Clarke’s neck, and everything seems too much for the blonde. Lexa can feel her tighten around her fingers when Clarke eventually reaches her climax, and waits until she finishes to ride it out. She then rolls on her back to stare at the ceiling, allowing both of them time to catch their breaths.

 

It takes several minutes before either of them are ready to speak again.

 

“Lexa, why did you do that?”

 

Lexa suddenly sits up in fear, eyes widening as she looks at the girl lying naked beside her.

 

_What happened? Did you completely misread her? Did you only see what you wanted to see?_

 

“Clarke, I’m sorry, I thought-“

 

Clarke sits up and puts her finger to Lexa’s lips, quietening her.

 

“Now I’m going to have to go through three weeks of sleeping beside you wishing that you could do _that_ to me again without fearing someone can hear us.”

 

Lexa feels her body loosen, and she half-heartedly swats Clarke on the arm.

 

“I’m sorry to burden you with the knowledge of what pleasure feels like, darling. At least you have something to look forward to.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes at her girlfriend and wraps her arms around her neck, planting a tender kiss on her lips.

 

Lexa thinks that she might enjoy this road trip more than she thought she would after all.

 

———————

 

“Oh, wow.”

 

Lexa’s surprised when she sees the huge RV that Bellamy had parked just outside of campus. It’s dirty white, with one of the windows cracked, but otherwise it seems to be in good shape.

 

“That thing looks like it could fit all of us, not just eight people,” Clarke mutters, standing at Lexa’s elbow. “Which do you want to go in for the first part of the journey?”

 

“I don’t mind, Clarke. Whichever one you're in.”

 

Clarke smiles back at her, but Octavia interrupts the moment before Lexa can hear her response.

 

“Hey, guys. You’re the last people to arrive. What took you so long?” Octavia’s eyebrow is arched coyly. Lexa knows that she’s only doing this because her back is to everyone else so nobody can see. Clarke laughs beside her, and Lexa accepts this good-natured teasing.

 

“Clarke hadn’t finished packing, so I had to help.”

 

“I’m sure you were very useful,” Octavia winked at Clarke, despite Lexa still standing witness.

 

“Oh, Octavia, you have no idea,” Clarke replies as she walks past her, smug look on her face. She doesn’t see Octavia’s eyes widen and mouth go round at the comment, and Lexa bursts into a fit of laughter at the expression.

 

_Maybe having someone know won’t be too bad after all. I mean, this not-too-subtle game is kind of fun. And Clarke is dealing really well._

 

“Glad you finally decided to turn up, Clarke,” Bellamy wraps his arm around the blonde in a brief hug. “Although we were all really waiting for Lexa. She has the keys to this mysterious Miami house. You’re relatively expendable.”

 

He earns a punch on the arm from Clarke at the comment, and the two playfully tussle before the rest of their friends assemble around them, awaiting further instruction. Lexa finds Anya and stands beside her, and Octavia and Lincoln join them.

 

Finally, it’s Clarke who clears her voice in an attempt to get everyone’s attention.

 

“Okay, guys, so this is how it’s going to work. Eight people in the RV and five in the van while we’re travelling. It turns out that despite carrying eight people during the day, the RV only has four functioning beds, so unless you want to double up there may be more people camping outside than previously thought. Is that okay so far?”

 

Everyone nods in agreement, listening intently to her words. Lexa’s enamoured by how comfortable she is speaking and giving orders to all of these people.

 

“So, after the first night we’ll do some swaps as to who rides where, but that can all be organised when it comes to it. Do I have any volunteers for drivers?”

 

“I’m not trusting anyone else with driving my van,” Raven steps forward, keys dangling from a chain on her finger. “So I guess you can count me in.”

 

“And I’ll take the RV,” Finn says, eyes staring directly at Clarke. 

 

Lexa can see Clarke stiffen slightly, but she continues largely undeterred. 

 

“Thank you both, even if it was for slightly selfish reasons on Raven’s part. Okay, so who wants to ride in the RV?”

 

Monty and Jasper’s hands shoot up, alongside Echo and Bellamy’s. Octavia holds hers in the air too, dragging Lincoln’s up with her. He doesn’t seem to mind that Octavia’s decided for them. To Lexa’s surprise, Anya puts her hand in the air too. Lexa sends her a mildly confused look, but Anya’s eyes tell her that she’ll receive the answer later. With Finn driving, that conveniently filled up the RV with no further negotiations necessary.

 

“Okay, so that leaves Lexa, Raven, Murphy, Wells and me in the car. So, let’s get packed up and ready to hit the road!”

 

They all erupt in a cheer, and there’s an incredible atmosphere in the car park. As nervous as she is about getting into a car with people she largely doesn’t know, Lexa lets herself join in.

 

Her eyes meet with Clarke’s, and her heart swells at how happy with other girl looks. They share a private moment before moving with the crowd to try and organise their bags and food supplies. Lexa expects that there will be many moments like that over the course of the trip, and she eagerly awaits each one of them.

 

———————

 

They have been on the road for nearly three hours when Murphy gets a call from Bellamy, saying that people in the RV in front of them want to stop for lunch. Without asking anyone else in the car’s opinion, he says that they’re all pretty hungry too, so they agree to take a break at the next diner they see. Lexa is indeed hungry, but she doesn’t enjoy being spoken for as a principle. Aside from Finn, she sees Murphy as the person that she’ll have the most difficulty getting along with.

 

Despite being a quiet observer to the conversation so far, Lexa is enjoying herself. She hears vibrant, hilarious and often embarrassing or incriminating stories about each of the people in the van, and part of her loves delving into Clarke’s history in such a passive way. She knows that Clarke and Wells are childhood friends, and Lexa inadvertently finds out a lot of information about the girl when she was young through the stories he tells.

 

_Too bad you have nobody like that in your life that she can learn from. You’ll have to tell her it all yourself._

 

Lexa doesn’t mind, though. She wants to share all of that with Clarke when the time comes. Even the bits she’d rather forget.

 

Murphy, who’s sitting shotgun to Raven, is largely broody and quiet, only offering sarcastic comments on things the others are saying. The only person he seems somewhat tender with is Raven, and Lexa wonders to herself whether she’s the reason he decided not to go in the RV. Wells sits in front of her and Clarke, who are in the third and final row of seats in the van. Despite the distance between them all, they can just about hear each other over the hum of air rushing in Murphy’s open window.

Abruptly, a car approaching them on the highway swerves halfway into their lane, causing Raven to instinctively jerk the wheel to avoid them. She force throws Lexa against the side of the car, banging her head off her window. She hears Clarke sputter beside her as she’s thrown against her seat belt. Somebody screams, and it takes a few seconds before Raven straightens them on the road again.

 

“Everyone okay?” Raven asks, voice shaking. Everyone whispers a weak response, and Lexa’s eyes fly to where Clarke is sitting. She’s shocked to see her arm spread across Clarke’s chest, firmly holding the blonde in place. When she meets Clarke’s eyes, they’re wide with fear. Her smile is one of disbelief, though. It’s almost that she’s surprised that Lexa’s first instinct was to protect her.

 

_Oh, Octavia’s going to love your little act of heroism._

 

Their moment is swiftly shattered into a million pieces.

 

“Fucking faggots!” Murphy yells out of his window at the car that’s now receding into the distance behind them.

 

“Murphy!” Wells chokes, voice laden with his disapproval.

 

Lexa quickly removes her arm from Clarke and sits stiffly and diverts her gaze out the window. Although she’s used to such language, it still bothers her each time she hears it. It's best to just pretend she doesn't exist in these situations. 

 

“What?” Murphy aggressively asks, turning back to Wells. “You saw how they drove, they’re fucking idiots.”

 

Wells remains silent, and Murphy looks past him, eyes resting on Lexa.

 

“Oh, you’re uncomfortable with my little name-calling because we have one of them with us. I see how it is.”

 

“Murphy, just shut it now,” Raven’s voice is stern, commanding Murphy to calm down.

 

Lexa just presses herself further into her corner of the van, as if trying to render herself invisible to Murphy’s stare.

 

Eventually she feels his eyes leave her and instead fixate on Wells.

 

“Come on, Jaha. I know that you don’t agree with any of it. Your dad’s one of those born-again religious nuts, surely he would have taught you better.”

 

Wells remains silent, but Lexa’s opinion who she thought of as her defender suddenly changes.

 

_I see what Clarke means about these people. She has reason to be afraid._

 

“Huh? You telling me you agree with it? Maybe you’re even one of them, Jaha. Could of fooled me.”

 

“Murphy, I’m serious, just shut it,” Raven’s voice is like ice, but Murphy once again ignores her.

 

Clarke’s contribution to the heating argument is notably absent.

 

“Just because I don’t agree doesn’t mean I should be disrespectful. Discourtesy is a bad look on anyone, Murphy,” Wells’ voice is quiet now. For such a strong guy, Murphy beats him down easily.

 

“Murphy, I fucking swear that if you respond to that, I will throw you out of this van while its still moving and call them back so that the can run over your sorry ass. Got it?” There’s something in Raven’s voice that tells Lexa she mightn’t be kidding. Apparently Murphy picks up on it too, as he finally returns to looking straight on the road ahead of him. 

 

Lexa finally breaks her gaze from outside the car and looks forward, and meets Raven’s eyes in the rear view mirror. Lexa slightly indicates her head in acknowledgement, and Raven does the same back.

 

Lexa can feel Clarke’s eyes burning into the side of her head, and it takes all of her willpower not to meet them. She's dealt with people like Murphy before. Clarke's silence is what really hurts.

 

She’s angry at Clarke, and her girlfriend needs to know it.

 

———————

 

Not another word is said until they pull into the diner, three-quarters of an hour after Murphy’s outburst. Lexa silently exits the van and goes over to where Lincoln, Octavia and Anya are standing beside the RV. Apparently her upset is written all over her face, because all three immediately look concerned. 

 

Anya opens her mouth to ask, but Lexa cuts her off before she can speak. “Later.”

 

The older girl curtly nods, and the four turn their attention to the rest of their companions. 

 

Everybody is mingling again, and out of the corner of her eye she observes Raven pull Bellamy aside and begin speaking to him quietly. Lexa doesn’t need to think hard about what she’s telling him. Bellamy nods along to what Raven’s saying, and she can see him look over to where she’s standing. She doesn’t acknowledge this, though. She doesn’t need any more attention brought to her today.

 

Eventually, they all begin to shuffle inside the diner. Her three companions stick closely to her, and they all slide into a booth together. Lexa is vaguely aware of Clarke continually throwing glances in her direction, but she pays them no heed. She needs keep as much of her composure as possible if she wants to get through telling the story to the others.

 

“Lexa, what’s up?” Octavia says softly from across the table.

 

Lexa’s throat closes and tears prick at her eyes. She tries to start a sentence, but the words just come out choked and mangled. Anya places her hand on Lexa’s arm as a subtle but strong show of support. Lexa swallows hard and tries again, and this time manages to explain to them the cause of her distress.

 

Their food arrives by the time she finishes. There’s silence as the waitress places their orders in front of them, but as soon as she leaves, Octavia unleashes her anger.

 

“That bastard is going to get what’s coming to him,” she hisses, eyes seething. Even Lincoln, normally as silent as Lexa, looks enraged, darkly muttering curses under his breath.

 

_You know that they’re waiting for your permission to ask. Every bone in that boy’s body could be broken before he finishes his milkshake if you just said something._

 

“Guys, as much as I would love to defend Lexa’s honour, beating him up probably isn’t our best course of action. It’s the first day of the trip; as much of a douche Murphy is, we’re just going to have to take less extreme measures for now,” Anya makes a point at looking in Octavia’s direction. “One of us stays with Lexa at all times so she doesn’t have to rely on relative strangers as her defence. Raven’s actions were noble, but we’re going to have to put on a more aggressive front if we want to show Murphy, or Wells for that matter, that their opinions won’t go uncontested. Understood?”

 

Octavia and Lincoln firmly nod. As upset as Lexa is, her friends’ resolve thaws her heart a little.

 

They eat their food in silence, listening to the laughter of their fellow travellers in the booths surrounding them. 

 

Lexa nearly jumps when she hears Lincoln speak.

 

“So, we’ve decided what to do about Murphy’s loud ignorance. Now we need to deal with Clarke’s silence.”

 

Lexa’s heart refreezes at her girlfriend’s name. Octavia also stiffens, head snapping up to meet Lexa’s eyes. 

 

_Of course she told Lincoln. They tell each other everything._

 

“She’s your friend, no? She should have stood up for you. Anya’s right; was Raven did was kind, but she shouldn’t have had to do it. Clarke should have been the one to say something. She knows your gay, doesn’t she? Lexa, if you’re living with a homophobe, even a quiet one, you need to find alternative arrangements.”

 

Lexa thinks this is probably the most she’s ever heard Lincoln speak. Her eyes well with tears again when she realises how much he actually cares for her, but she quickly blinks them away.

 

“Thank you for your concern, Lincoln, but Clarke’s not homophobic. I think she just wanted to avoid conflict.”

 

Lexa can tell by the look on their three faces that they aren’t buying her excuse for the normally assertive Clarke’s behaviour, but they respect her enough not to push it.

 

“All right guys, settle your tabs, we’re moving out!” Jasper's voice rings loud over the din of the restaurant.

 

When they all pay for their food, they reassemble outside of the RV. A semi-circle form around Clarke and Bellamy, waiting for either of their command. It's becoming more apparent to Lexa that it seems to be those two who have the highest authority in the friend group, even if Bellamy is more vocal about it.

 

It’s Bellamy who speaks, though. Clarke’s face is passive, deliberately avoiding looking at the area where Lexa is standing. Lexa feels sick when she realises that she’s going to have to face her girlfriend at some stage. 

 

“Alright guys, we’re having a little change of scenery. Anya and I are moving into the car to accompany Raven, Clarke and Lexa, and the other two will be joining you guys.”

 

Bellamy scans over their faces to look for an objection to his decision. Lexa supposes that everyone’s heard of what happened by now. When Bellamy sees that his idea is unopposed, he continues.

 

“What are you guys standing here for then? We have a campsite to get to. Our chariots await!”

 

This time, however, there’s no cheer when he finishes speaking.

 

Lexa takes her place in the back of the van again, and Anya pushes in occupy the back row with her before Clarke even has a chance. The blonde seems disgruntled, but can’t even bring herself to look at Lexa anymore.

 

Lexa feels like she’s been stabbed in the heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty massive chapter, but I think a lot of it is important. Unfortunately, I once again share experience with Lexa, in the form of Wells and Murphy's exchange. Luckily, I also have friends like Lincoln, Anya and Octavia, which make any negative experience I have feel like nothing in comparison to their continued support.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy. I might not be able to update until Saturday, but hopefully this will tide you over until then.
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are greatly appreciated.


	9. Chapter Nine

“Alright, guys. I think this is the turn.”

 

Bellamy sticks his head out the window and attempts to read the sign. It’s been hours since they left the diner, and Lexa’s mood has considerably lightened. Even though it’s mostly Anya, Raven and Bellamy driving the conversation, Lexa finds herself laughing continuously throughout in spite of herself. Clarke joins in, but her enthusiasm is somewhat lacking. 

 

_She knows that my laughter does not indicate that I’m okay._

 

Raven takes the turn, and Finn follows in the RV. The road is bumpy, but Raven speeds down it, jostling them all in their seats.

 

“Geez, Raven. This old thing needs to survive for the rest of the trip, we can’t afford to bust the suspension on the first day,” Anya jokes, and Raven shoots her a glare in the rear view mirror.

 

“Hey, I renovated this baby myself. If something does happen-which it won’t-I can fix it. You’re the top lawyer, but you’re looking at the top engineer here. Have a little faith.”

 

Anya holds her hands up in defeat before she’s thrown aside again when Raven suddenly pulls into the entirely empty parking lot. The RV follows several minutes later.

 

_Despite all his faults, it seems like Finn is a much more sensible driver than Raven._

 

People tumble out of the vehicle, smiles spread across all of their faces. Even Murphy is looking a little more light-hearted. They assemble in the similar formation around Bellamy and Clarke, quietly chattering amongst themselves.

 

Octavia strides over towards where Lexa is standing, her hand dragging Lincoln behind her.

 

“I hope you guys had a better journey than I did. My fist was itching to meet Murphy’s face the entire time; the temptation was overwhelming.”

 

Lexa laughs at the comment, and Anya smirks beside her. Lincoln is rolling his eyes in a good-natured way behind her. Bellamy yells over the crowd, trying to gain their attention, but it’s largely in vain.

 

It’s Clarke who eventually reigns them under control.

 

“Guys! Congratulations, we’ve made it to camp site one, and we’re nearly all in one piece, no thanks to Raven’s driving,” Raven shouts in protest, but Clarke playfully dismisses her. Her voice is a little stiff, though, and Lexa can see it in her eyes that Clarke is just putting on a brave face for the crowd. She’s still shaken from earlier.

 

“Okay, it’s getting a little late now, so we should probably prepare some dinner and then set up the tents before we get one with the entertainment. Would anyone like to volunteer as cooks tonight?”

 

Monty and Jasper’s arms shoot in the air. Lexa remembers then both saying that they had a fondness of food, but she hadn’t guessed that extended to preparing it as well.

 

“Thanks guys, the supplies are in the RV, just please try not to poison us. We’re also going to need some firewood. Lexa and I can get that.”

 

Lexa freezes at the mention of her name. Her eyes snap up to meet Clarke’s, who looks at her almost softly.

 

_She’s asking for a chance to explain herself. Just give it to her, Lexa._

 

Clarke’s fake smile turns a little more genuine when Lexa nods at her, giving her approval of the plan. Clarke breaks the gaze and continues in her delegation of tasks.

 

“Okay, the rest of you people can try and set up those tents. We have enough for everyone to sleep outside, if you want, so nobody gets the luxury of the RV, but we’re going to have to double up to do that, and then there’s one tent of three. We can organise who goes where later though. First, we eat.”

 

Jasper and Monty emit a roar at her words, and run into the RV to start preparing whatever concoction they had in mind. The rest dissipate around them, and Lexa can feel Octavia subtly move towards her to whisper in her ear.

 

“You can handle this. Don’t worry, I’ve got your back.” 

 

Lexa walks over to where Clarke is waiting for her, just at the entrance to the forest. Neither girl says a word as they walk in. Lexa keeps a couple of feet between her and Clarke. She knows the powers that this girl has over her, but she can’t afford to be absorbed by them now.

 

It’s not until several minutes later, when they’re well out of earshot of any of their friends, that Clarke clears her throat to speak.

 

“Look, Lexa, I owe you an apology-”

 

“Yes, Clarke. You do.”

 

_That was too curt, Lexa. You’re angry, but you still have manners._

 

“Lexa, I know I screwed up, but you saw what Murphy was like,” her voice is breaking slightly, and cracks begin to show in Lexa’s resolve. She tries to keep her face as emotionless as possible, though. She wants Clarke to finish what she was saying unhindered.

 

“I thought if I said anything that he’d attack me too. I thought he’d guess that there was something between us if I attacked him back. And Wells-Wells is my best friend since I was a kid. Murphy’s right, he doesn’t agree-doesn’t agree with what we are. I didn’t want to fight with him.”

 

Lexa can feel her hands curl into fists in frustration. She is in no danger of physically attacking Clarke, but verbally lashing out was more difficult to resist. She sets her jaw, trying to be as civil as possible.

 

“Raven seemed to do a pretty good job of defending ‘what I am’ and putting Murphy in his place.”

 

Clarke physically takes a step back at the comment as if Lexa had slapped her. She eyes look lost, and she searches Lexa’s face for means of redemption. Lexa’s dead-pan look offers her no guidance.

 

_You’re being more cruel than necessary, Lexa. She’s your girlfriend, this isn’t a court room. Act a little more human._

 

“You’re right, Lexa. Raven was the better person. She did what I should have. I’m sorry. This is all just so new to me, the insults, the discrimination. I’m still trying to figure things out. You don’t know what it’s like knowing that your friends could suddenly turn on you when they find out who you really are. At least you’ve got Anya and Octavia to fall back on. I’ve got nobody to talk with but you.”

 

The last sentence is the final shattering blow to the wall Lexa had built against Clarke.

 

_She’s right. You’re the only one who knows who she really is at the moment. Don’t rob that from her by being angry._

 

Lexa’s face softens and she takes a step towards Clarke.

 

“I’m sorry, darling. I forgot that I wasn’t the only one Murphy was insulting in that van. ” 

 

She eventually reaches Clarke and kisses her lightly on the forehead, wrapping her into a tight hug. She can feel Clarke relax into her arms. They just stand in the woods for a while, only listening to each other’s hearts. It’s Lexa who eventually breaks away.

 

“We should actually start collecting this wood now, if we don’t return soon they really will start being suspicious.”

 

_Too soon for jokes, Lexa. Too soon._

 

To her relief, Clarke just lightly laughs and reaches up to kiss Lexa on the cheek.

 

“Lexa, I’ll try harder next time, I promise. You’re right; I normally wouldn’t stay silent when somebody insults my friends. I shouldn’t stand by for you either.”

 

Lexa smiles and turns to begin collecting the wood. Clarke’s assurance of an improved defence isn’t entirely satisfactory, but she’s willing to accept any morsels she gets.

 

———————

 

Lincoln and Octavia just finish cleaning up the dinner utensils when Bellamy stands up, stretching in the process.

 

“Jasper, Monty, what did you put in that stuff? It was so damn good I could have eaten everybody else’s along with my own.”

 

Jasper slyly winks at Bellamy, and turns to Monty to perform their ridiculous not-so-secret handshake. The rest of the group groan at their cheesiness, but none complain. They’re too appreciative of their full stomachs to tease their dorky antics.

 

“Now, I’m nobody’s babysitter, but we’ve got a long day driving tomorrow, and this time we’re going to take shifts as to who’s behind the wheel. That means nobody can be drunk, hungover or tired. Therefore, I regretfully suggest that we all try and get some shut-eye before I have to wake all your sorry asses tomorrow.”

 

A low rumble passes through the crowd, but nobody objects. Lexa can see on their faces that they’re all tired after a day full of travelling, and it’s nearly midnight anyway. All they can think of is sleep.

 

“So,” Bellamy starts before the mutterings turn into full-blown conversations. “Who sleeps where?”

 

Octavia immediately jumps up from her position between Lexa and Lincoln. “Lincoln and I already have our tent pitched, so you don’t need to worry about us.”

 

“Oh, over my dead body are you sleeping in the same tent as that guy.”

 

Everybody bursts into laughter at Bellamy’s over-protective antics, and Octavia lets out an exasperated sigh.

 

“Come on, Bellamy. We’re all adults here. And nobody’s going to have a problem with you sleeping with Echo.”

 

“She has a point,” Echo appears at Bellamy’s side, eyebrows arched playfully at her boyfriend’s conflicted look.

 

As always, Bellamy concedes to his sister’s wishes. Octavia pumps her fists in triumph, and Lincoln carefully tries to avoid the death-state that Bellamy is using all of his energy to send in his direction.

 

“Monty and I are together, obviously,” Jasper says, although his words are muffled by a yawn.

 

“Murphy and I can share,” Finn offers up, eyes on Clarke.

 

Lexa squirms slightly, but it doesn’t bother her too much.

 

_Clarke chose to share a tent with you tonight._

 

Bellamy nods in approval at both of those suggestions, and waits for the rest to delegate themselves.

 

“Lexa and I can take that blue one over there,” Clarke pipes up, quickly looking at Lexa. Lexa smiles back at her, conveying as much appreciation as she can in a glance.

 

However, Lexa sees Bellamy flinch a little at the suggestion. 

 

“C-Clarke, are you sure? I thought you’d share with Raven, or something,” Wells’ voice is quiet but firm, and Lexa knows that he’s deliberately not looking her way.

 

“Of course, Wells. Why wouldn’t I be?” Clarke keeps her tone steady, but Lexa knows that being contested by Wells isn’t something that Clarke’s comfortable with. 

 

“It’s just that, well, tents are much closer quarters that dorm rooms. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable with-with Lexa, that’s all.” 

 

Wells doesn’t clarify what he means by that statement. But he doesn’t have to; everybody knows what’s implied.

 

_He thinks you’re going to make a move on Clarke just because you’re gay._

 

Lexa waits for Clarke to call him up on it. She waits for Clarke to ask him what he’s means by that, tell him that she doesn’t care that Lexa is attracted to girls, it doesn't change who she is.

 

For the second time that day, though, Lexa is left disappointed.

 

Clarke just bites down on her lip and averts her gaze to the ground. Lexa feels herself go dizzy at Clarke’s action.

 

_She broke her word mere hours after making it. That is beyond acceptable._

 

It’s Octavia who stands up to the plate.

 

“What’s that supposed to mean, Wells? What’s wrong with Lexa and Clarke sharing a tent?”

 

Wells doesn’t answer though, but just looks at his feet and scuffs at the ground.

 

“Oh, I see. It’s okay when you _imply_ homophobia, but you’re too much of a gentleman to say the words explicitly. How damn _noble_ of you.”

 

She begins to step towards Wells, and Lexa begins to genuinely fear for the boy’s safety. She jumps to her feet and grabs Octavia’s arm, turning her to face her.

 

“Don’t do it, Octavia. He’s not worth it. Just let it go, I’ve dealt with worse.”

 

Octavia shakes her off and turns back to Wells, who’s now standing. He towers over Octavia, but that doesn’t deter her.

 

“Listen to me. Lexa’s smart. She’s kind. She’s protective, just ask your boy Finn there. She’s quiet and respectful, which is probably the reason that she hasn’t kicked your butt for being such an ass to her so far, even though she easily could without breaking a sweat. She’s generous, in case you’ve forgotten who owns the house we’ll be staying in. She also happens to be gay. But, trust me, that is nowhere near to being the most important thing you need to know about her.”

 

Octavia had slowly made her way across the camp to stand merely inches in front of the now bashful looking wells. When she finishes her speech, silence falls over the camp.

 

"Oh, look, it seems like our resident dyke has an ally."

 

Murphy stands up, voice cocky, clearly trying to provoke Octavia

 

_Oh, you don't want to do that Murphy. Not with Lincoln or Bellamy nearby._

 

“You’re right, she does.” Octavia's voice is sharp. She glares at Murphy for several long moments before turning her attention back to her original victim. Murphy just smirks. Lexa’s surprised that he has no comeback for Octavia.

 

"Listen, Wells. You're a male. If you were to share a tent with Clarke, would you expect to have sex with her just because you guys have the potential to be attracted to each other?"

 

Wells doesn't answer, but that doesn't stop Octavia.

 

"Then why assume that, just because Lexa has the potential to be attracted to Clarke too, that she would be any less respectful to Clarke than you would be?"

 

Once again, Wells' silence says everything Octavia needs to know.

 

"I'm going to share the tent with Lexa tonight, because I don't give a damn what you think of me for doing so. If her sexuality disagrees with your beliefs, then fine. Nobody's asking you to share a tent. Just don't impose your backwards ideas on others when they're not interested in sharing them," Octavia grabs the stunned Lexa'a hand and begins to pull her away from the campfire.

 

"Unlike others, I'm not ashamed of being close with Lexa. And screw any of you who would be." 

 

Lexa can't help but notice who Octavia is directing the last part of her speech to.

 

Octavia marches them both out of the campfire, exchanging a brief glance with Lincoln on her way out. He just nods at her and turns to say something quietly to Anya. They leave the others to finish delegating tents amongst themselves. Lexa doesn’t even care.

 

She’s surprised to find tears streaming down her face when they eventually reach the tent that she assumes was originally meant for Octavia and Lincoln, pitched much further away from the fire than others.

 

"Octavia, what about Lincoln?"

 

Octavia turns, brushing the tears tenderly off of Lexa's cheeks.

 

"He understands. He and Anya will share a tent tonight. We'll reassess the situation tomorrow."

 

Lexa steps forward and pulls Octavia into a hug. She so rarely had physical contact with the girl; right now, comfort is all she craves.

 

"Thank you, O.”

 

Octavia kisses her in the cheek in response and rubs slow circles on her back.

 

"Anytime, Lexa. Anytime. I told you I had your back.”

 

———————

 

It’s not until they stop for their first recreational destination the next day that Lexa finally sees Clarke again. After breakfast, she and Octavia had piled into the RV with Lincoln, Anya, Finn, Echo, Monty and Jasper. She had spent most of the journey dozing, as did Octavia. Neither of them slept much the previous night. 

 

Finn pulls into the car park of the private zoo, and Lexa sees the others stand around the van, waiting for their arrival. Clarke is staring at the sky, her thoughts clearly occupied.

 

_Three guesses as to what she’s thinking about._

 

When they eventually organise themselves enough to go into the zoo, Lexa notices her little group break away slightly from the others, trailing behind. Lexa watches as the people before her jostle and jump about in front of them, all of the tension of the previous night forgotten.

 

_They’re on holiday with their friends. They don’t have something like what you’re going through with Clarke to deal with._

 

Lexa suddenly feels Anya tugging on her arm, bringing her down a different route to the one the others had just taken towards to big cats exhibits.

 

Lexa looks confused, and Anya answers the question she reads in her eyes.

 

“They won’t notice us gone. Not yet.”

 

Lexa nods and walks with them a few more metres along the path. Eventually, they find themselves outside the gorilla enclosure. The beast is sitting contentedly at the glass, eyes dark and intelligent, curious at its new visitors. Lexa doesn’t have enough time to study the beauty of this peaceful creature.

 

“After you left, Bellamy got really angry at Murphy. Lincoln had to go over and hold him back, we were convinced that they were going to fight it out,” Anya informs her, voice hollow.

 

_He wasn’t defending you, though. He was defending Octavia._

 

“Wells was pretty quiet for the rest of the night. He ended up going in the tent for three with Murphy and Finn. Murphy eventually apologies to Bellamy, and then they left it at that. Nothing more was said,” Lincoln continues Anya’s narrative, voice soft.

 

Lexa swallows the lump in her throat and nods. She needs to ask what’s been nagging her.

 

“And Clarke-”

 

“Clarke left before Bellamy and Murphy finished their argument. She stayed in the tent with Raven. I’m sorry, Lexa, but she didn’t say anything, not even after you were gone.”

 

Lexa let go of her last bit of hope that Clarke may have said something after she had left. She knows that she shouldn’t have expected as much; entertaining such ideas only would lead to more disappointment.

 

“Lexa,” Anya takes a deep breath and steps towards her, taking her hands in her own. “Lincoln and I know about you and Clarke.”

 

Lexa doesn’t even have the energy to be surprised at this. She sighs, and looks between Lincoln and Anya.

 

“How did you know?”

“Octavia had stopped constantly ranting about Operation Clexa,” Lincoln answers, slight smile across his face. “I knew that the only reason that would happen is if it was indeed a success, but she didn’t want others to know about it.”

 

Lexa’s surprised to find herself laughing at the statement, and she watches Octavia blush bashfully. Her attention turns to Anya, awaiting her answer.

 

“I told you, Heart Eyes, you’re easy to read. I had my suspicions, but I finally figured it out for sure at the diner yesterday. You wouldn’t normally get so worked-up unless you expected someone to act better than they did. Clarke-the-Roommate may have gotten away with her silence, but Clarke-the-Girlfriend wouldn’t have.”

 

“Anya and I finally revealed our suspicions to each other in the tent last night. We don’t care that you didn’t tell us, we figured that Clarke was making you keep quiet. And, by the look on your face, I’m going to take it that we were right.”

 

Lexa’s speechless about what her friends just revealed. She feels like a huge weight has been lifted from her shoulders, though. Just nods silently, and feels Anya wrap her arms around her in a hug. Octavia moves over to join in, and finally Lincoln piles on top.

 

_So, this is what safety feels like._

 

“Lexa?”

 

They all quickly unwrap from each other to see Clarke standing a few feet away from them. She’s clearly nervous, but stands her ground, head held high.

 

“Hey, guys. Is it okay if I speak with Lexa for a minute, in private? The others are down near the tigers if you want to join them,” the tone in Clarke’s voice is quietly pleading. She knows that Lexa’s friends are protective of her and wouldn’t leave her if they thought she could be hurt.

 

Lexa feels three sets of eyes on her, waiting to see if she’s happy to speak with her girlfriend. Lexa curtly nods, and the three move past Clarke, although Lexa can see that they go reluctantly. 

 

_They know this is something that you need to deal with alone._

 

They stand staring at each other for what feels like eternity. Lexa doesn’t know if Clarke is waiting for her to make the first move or not. She stands firm; if Clarke has something to say, she needs to say it now.

 

“Lexa, I don’t know what to do. I let you down again, and I’m so sorry. I thought I could challenge Wells, but I couldn’t.”

 

“Octavia could. She, like Raven, doesn’t seem to tolerate such opinions.”

 

“Octavia’s your friend-”

 

“You’re my _girlfriend_ , Clarke.”

 

“Which is why I feel so damn bad that I can’t just stand up for you! You have no idea what it’s like, Lexa.”

 

All of angers upset and anger and angst against the blonde suddenly snaps her into focus. 

 

_It’s time to tell her. She needs to know about Costia._

 

“Clarke, I do know what it’s like, so stop using that as your excuse. Remember Costia?” Clarke flinches at the aggressiveness in Lexa’s voice, but the brunette doesn’t try to reign it in. Her fury becoming unmanageable.

 

“Well, she wasn’t out either. She didn’t want me to tell anyone, and I loved her, so I didn’t. It was good for a while. And then, after five months, the secrecy started taking its toll. I was tired of lying to my friends, deceiving my family. I thought she would be ready by then, so I asked her about it. She went on this rant about how it wasn’t her that was keeping ‘us’ a secret, it was _society_ , and if I were only a boy, things would be different. That she wouldn’t have the burden of being gay. She made me feel guilty for just being born a girl, Clarke. She made me hate who I was, and how because I fell in love with her it trapped her in a cycle of misery of her constantly struggling against an oppressive society. Sad thing is, I believed her.”

 

Lexa takes a moment to catch her breath. Hot, angry tears are streaming down her face, but she doesn’t stop. She can’t.

 

“So she manipulated me for the next two months into doing whatever she wanted me to, constantly reminding me of my guilt. It was torture, Clarke. The psychological toll it took on me was too much to handle. I was constantly miserable, but I couldn’t leave her because I thought that I was making her miserable too, and I felt like I owed it to her to stay. Two months later, she dumped me for some bright-eyed boy who had just moved to our city from a few states over. I was destroyed.”

 

It took me months to get over her. I’m still forgiving myself for who I am, even though I don’t need to. And part of me still hates myself for letting me put up with it. I came out to my family shortly after we broke up. I didn’t care if Costia was upset that I told. They were nothing but supportive, as were my friends. I only wish I had that support while I was still with Costia. She used me, Clarke. So don’t tell me that I don’t know how hard it is to keep a secret. Because I do, and I’ve known for longer than you have.”

 

Lexa’s voice has dropped to a hoarse whisper now. Clarke looks stupefied, and Lexa can see that she’s crying too. Her tears aren’t angry ones, though. They’re ones of sorrow. 

 

“Lexa-Lexa, I’m not Costia. I’m not going to do that to you. But you said so yourself; you know how hard it is to keep a secret. So why are you angry at me for finding it hard to deal with it?”

 

“Do you honestly think that _that’s_ why I’m angry, Clarke?” Lexa’s tone is one of disbelief. She doesn’t wait for the blonde to reply. “I’m angry because you’re too ashamed to even be associated with me in front of your friends because I’m gay.”

 

“I’m not.”

 

“Don’t lie to me,” Lexa’s voice raises now, more aggressive.

 

“I’m not ashamed, Lexa. I’m not ashamed that they think I’m friends with a-with you,” Clarke stumbles over the last words of her sentence. Her voice has risen to match Lexa’s, and the tension between the two of them is reaching breaking point.

 

“Then say it, Clarke. I’ve never heard you say it,” Lexa’s voice cuts through the air between them like ice.

 

Clarke’s brow creases in confusion, though.

 

“Say what?”

 

“Say the word ‘gay’. Say you’re bisexual, say that I’m a lesbian,” Lexa is now taking deliberate steps towards Clarke, closing the ground between them. “If you’re not ashamed, Clarke, then why have I never heard you say the words? You’ve only ever used euphemisms or waved or arms in the arm of just not bother to finish your sentence. You’re too damn ashamed of what we are to even say it.”

 

“Lexa, that’s not-”

 

“Say it, Clarke.”

 

“You’re just being cruel-”

 

“SAY IT!” Lexa shouts now in spite of herself. Her anger is too great to be controlled.

 

“I’m gay, Lexa! I’m gay and I love you!” Clarke yells the words at her, tears streaming down her face.

 

Lexa stops immediately, and her heart clenches. She feels like her chest is about to implode.

 

“Is that what you wanted to hear, Lexa?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It probably goes without saying that, once again, personal experience is the basis this chapter. I wrote it in a bit of a rush, though, so apologies for any inconsistencies or errors.
> 
> I hope you like it, and I'll try to get another update soon, but it will probably be Sunday. 
> 
> And thank you for nearly six thousand hits in just a week of writing this story. It really means a lot.


	10. Chapter Ten

Clarke’s confession rings in Lexa’s ears for what feels like hours.

 

_She loves you. Lexa, she just said she loves you._

 

Lexa wants to feel elated. She wants to sweep the blonde into her arms at the words, spin her around and overwhelm her with sweet kisses. She wants to give in to her heart, to enjoy the overwhelming sense of completion that Clarke’s words momentarily induce in her.

 

But she doesn’t. She can’t. She simply stands there, conflict tearing through her soul.

 

“Lexa?” Clarke’s voice is now at her normal register, but still shaking from the outburst.

 

Lexa can’t bring herself to focus. Her mind is too dizzy with possibilities.

 

She nearly flinches when she feels Clarke takes her hands in her own. It’s not malicious, and Clarke seems to know that. She feels the blonde’s hand on her chin, and lifting the brunette’s head to meet her gaze.

 

Clarke’s eyes tell a story of the struggle she’s experienced in the past few days, past few weeks. They look weary, small dark circles forming under them due to an apparent lack of sleep. Her irises are a pale blue, almost watery, silently wailing in pain. 

 

Clarke’s eyes also tell of a story of love. Her love for Lexa.

 

“Lexa, I’m not asking for you to say it back. I love you, but I understand if you don’t love me back. And even if you do, I don’t want to force you to say it. Not under these circumstances.”

 

_Clarke, that’s not it. That’s not what my silence means at all._

 

Lexa makes a noise of protest, but Clarke quickly cuts her off.

 

“I’m not saying you have to forgive me. You gave me a chance and I blew it,” Clarke’s voice breaks a little, but she continues, voice softer than before. “I need to find a way to make things up to you, Lexa. I need to prove that I’m not Costia. I’m not going to break your heart. Not any more than I already have.”

 

Lexa finally collects enough of her sense to speak.

 

“I want to believe you, Clarke. But it’s so hard to trust people after what happened. Even you. I opened up to you, and but can’t let myself fall into that pit of self-destruction like before. I promised myself that I could never do that to myself again. I’m tired of hating myself. I didn’t ask for you to tell people, I asked you to act as a friend to me. And you couldn’t.”

 

The sting of Lexa’s words is visible on Clarke’s face. Her failings are clearly burning into her soul.

 

“I can’t keep on living with the shame, Clarke, _your_ shame. And neither can you. Don’t we deserve better than that?”

 

“Maybe we do.”

 

Clarke’s expression is one of sadness, but Lexa can also see she understands the truth in her words. Her anger at the girl seems to have largely dissipated after the frenzy of emotions that she had just released. She only feels hollow now.

 

When she sees how much Clarke is suffering, a spark of empathy strikes her heart. A slight warmth grows in her chest. 

She takes her hands from Clarke’s and pulls her into a close embrace, and just holds her. Clarke relaxes into it. She knows that things aren’t absolved between them; they’re both still hurt, and they know that. They find comfort in the other’s pain for those few moments before Clarke breaks away.

 

“I’m going back to find the others, Lexa. They’ll be worried if I’m away for too long. I’ll tell them that you went to the bathroom and will be along soon,” Clarke says, voice tired. “But I will find a way to fix this, Lexa. I love you, and I’ll make things right. I’ll show you that I’m not ashamed.”

 

Clarke turns and leaves before Lexa really registers what she just said. She sighs, and turns to face the only witness to the entire conversation. The gorilla just stares at her, but Lexa swears that she sees some sort of judgement in its eyes. The thought makes her uneasy.

 

_Now you’re looking for forgiveness from an ape. You better sort things out with Clarke before you lose the last shreds of your sanity, for good._

 

——————————

 

Lexa eventually finds the group sitting at picnic benches beside the zoo café. Predictably, her group is a little separated from the others. Each person is huddled over their coffee, clearly discussing something that they don’t want other people to hear. Lexa steals a few glances to where Clarke is sitting beside Raven and Monty, laughing along to some joke that was made.

 

_Either she recovers very quickly, or she’s a wonderful actress._

 

It’s Lincoln who spots Lexa first, and nudges to Octavia sitting beside him, who waves in her direction. Lexa acknowledges them, but indicates that she’s going to buy a drink first. Octavia nods slowly in response; she’s clearly impatient to hear what Clarke had said. Lexa’s surprised that Octavia hadn’t stayed behind to eavesdrop on the conversation.

 

Lexa walks into the little shop and makes her way to the counter. She orders her coffee, and stands to the side to wait for it to be made. She’s too lost in her own thoughts to notice someone creep up beside her.

 

“Hello, Lexa.”

 

Lexa snaps into focus to see Raven standing a few feet away, leaning against the wall. Lexa’s confused; she has no idea what business Raven would have with her.

 

“Raven. Enjoying the zoo?”

 

“Yeah, the animals are cute, even if some are a little dumb,” Raven shrugs, not pretending to be interested in the filler conversation. Lexa knows that Raven would much rather get down to business.

 

“Look, Lexa. I know you’re upset at Clarke for not going against Wells and Murphy when they were being homophobic dicks,” Lexa’s breath hitches at her forwardness. She isn’t expecting this at all. “And I get that, I really do. If I were gay, I’d want someone as close to me as Clarke is to you to stand up for me. You’re shy, Clarke’s not. It’s not unreasonable for you to expect that from her. Especially when you know how much Clarke cares about you.”

 

Lexa’s eyes widen at the words. She has no idea if Raven’s guessed their situation like Lincoln and Anya did. Raven doesn’t seem to care to pry into that part of their lives, though. Her mission lies elsewhere.

 

“But you have to see that Clarke also really cares about Wells. You know that they’ve been best friends since childhood. Wells knows Clarke in a way that nobody else ever will; like a sibling. I presume you know that Clarke’s dad is dying; Clarke’s mom grew really detached after the diagnoses, and Wells stuck by her side the entire time, even when nobody else was there. Also, if you had any half-decent observation skills, you’d see that Wells is completely in love with Clarke. Clarke knows this, but doesn’t reciprocate the feelings.”

 

Lexa’s blindsided by what Raven says. 

 

_How could you never notice that? You were too busy watching Finn to look even closer to home, you fool._

 

Lexa tries to keep her shock from her face. She doesn’t want Raven think that she’s bothered by the information.

 

“Lexa, you’re smart. You can piece all of the things together to see why Clarke doesn’t want to create tension between her and Wells. For a while, she hated that she couldn’t love him back, not in the way that he wanted. So she feels like she’s in debt to him now. She doesn’t want to argue with him, because she knows that will hurt him more. I’m not saying that her passivity is acceptable, but please see that, in her case, there is a justification for it.”

 

Raven turns to go, but Lexa finds her voice just before she leaves.

 

“What about Murphy, then? What’s the justification for that?”

 

Raven doesn’t even turn to look at Lexa as she replies.

 

“People screw up, Lexa. Nobody’s exempt from that, not even Clarke.”

 

Lexa watches Raven return to her friends, taking her place beside Clarke again. The blonde spies Lexa through the glass windows, sending her a look of confusion. Lexa just offers a weak smile in return. Clarke needn’t know the details of the exchange.

 

_Clarke, if you only confirmed with Raven what I suspect she already knows, you could gain such a powerful ally._

 

Lexa picks up her order and pays for it. She makes her way to where her friends are sitting, taking the last remaining space on the bench beside Anya.

 

“So, how’d it go?” Anya says softly, putting her hand on Lexa’s elbow. Lexa waves her hand in the air, unsure of where to even begin.

 

“Lexa, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it. We understand.”

 

“No, no, it’s okay, you guys deserve to know. Basically, I told her about Costia, and all of the stuff that I went through at that time in my life. I essentially accused her of being too ashamed of the idea of even being friends with a gay person-”

 

“Which she is, the bitch,” Octavia mutters darkly, under her breath.

 

“Octavia, she’s still my girlfriend, please show some respect. Anyway, she denied it, we fought for a little while and then she said that she loved me and was going to find a way to make things right. That’s basically it.”

 

Nobody in the group offers up any of their thoughts. Lexa doesn’t mind, though. Sometimes silences are more comforting than false consolations. They know that they can’t do anything to help the pair; it all falls on Lexa and Clarke to try to save themselves.

 

——————————

 

 

They spend several hours wandering around the parks of the zoo. To her surprise, Lexa finds herself mingling with Monty and Jasper for most of the time, their jovial nature helping to relieve some of the tension that she's feeling. As much as she appreciates her friends' support, it's nice to be surrounded by people who don't know her the details of her emotional burden.

 

Lexa can't help but feel that they're going out of their way to act in an even more outrageous manner than normal to try to make her laugh.

 

_These people are almost strangers, but this is their way of showing that they care._

 

Eventually they reach the penguin enclosure. Lexa allows herself to smile; she always had a fondness for penguins, ever since she visited zoos as a child with her parents.

 

"I've always liked these little guys, I think it's the tuxedoes; one can always appreciate a well-dressed bird," she comments, causing both Monty and Jasper to laugh. She's surprised at how easy she finds it to relax around these people.

 

Monty and Jasper share one of their infamous playful glances. Lexa can't help but feel some sort of mischief ahead.

 

Monty jumps up on the railings surrounding the penguin pool, and coughs to gain the attention of the rest of their friends. They all begin to crowd around him, laughing, waiting to see what their latest joke is.

 

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's my delight to welcome you to the opening performance of our freak show today. You have the absolute you pleasure of having me, the great and terrible Dr Montgomery Green, as your commentator today."

 

Monty makes an elaborate bow, earning some good-natured heckles from the crowd. Lexa doesn't openly join in, laughs along from the front of the crowd. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Clarke move forward to stand beside her to watch the show.

 

_This is better than you avoiding each other after what happened._

 

Lexa finds herself instinctively shifting her weight so that she's slightly further from her girlfriend, as she had been doing for months while in public.

 

She's pleasantly surprised when Clarke does the same, but instead of increasing the distance Lexa created between them, she closes it again.

 

"For our first act today, I offer to you the great, the terrible, the almighty Jordanator," his voice drips with drama, enjoying every second of his performance. "Born in an Antarctic nuclear research facility to mad scientist parents, Jasper Jordan was no ordinary child. After a tragic accident in the plant-traditional of such back-stories-young Jasper was left the only survivor. However, he sustained serious radiation damage, and mutated to mimic the only life form suitable to survive such conditions; a penguin."

 

Everybody bursts out laughing at the terrible narrative Monty offers; nobody questions the implausibility of the origin story, they're all too entertained. As Clarke laughs beside her, their hands brush. Normally, Clarke would jump away at even the slightest contact between them in public. Lexa knows that she must be trying to hard to override these instincts.

 

_She's trying, Lexa. It'll take more than this, but she's trying_.

 

"And now, the monster himself will come forth and acquaint himself with the creatures he so desires to accept him into their colony. Jasper; step forward, if you will."

 

Jasper waddles forward, making mangled animalistic noises all the while. He pretends to try to attack Monty, and the two mock-fight, both staying in character. Their scrap on the railings nearly brings everyone to tears due to their laughing fits.

 

Eventually, Monty wins, holding Jasper by the ear.

 

"Now, after that brief interruption, back to our main performance," Monty says, pretending to straighten his imagined tie. "Let the show begin."

 

Everybody gasps as Monty lets go of Jasper's ear, and shoves him back into the enclosure.

 

Jasper lands flat on his back, but quickly gets back into character, and pretends to struggle to get back up. Eventually he does, and directs and angry gibberish rant to Monty. He then waddles towards the few penguins in the enclosure.

 

Despite the laughter around her, Lexa feels uneasy about this.

 

"Don't worry, Monty and Jasper do crazy stuff like this all the time when they goof off. They know what they're doing." Clarke obviously senses Lexa's concern.

 

_Or she just knows you well enough to know that you're a stickler for the rules._

 

They watch for several minutes as Jasper dances around the penguins, mimicking the way they walk and picking up their fish, pretending to eat it. Monty offers a commentary all the while. They've clearly done performances of a similar nature before; they know how to please a crowd.

 

"Now that the Jordanator seems to be well-acquainted with his clan, how about we offer a lucky audience me member with the chance of meeting them too?" Monty throws a theatric glance out to the crowd, searching amongst them. Then he extends his hand to Lexa.

 

"How about you, pretty lady?"

 

Lexa feels herself blush as attention is brought to her. She hears Octavia yell in excitement, and Clarke gently pushes her forwards. The group claps in encouragement, and someone whistles.

 

Monty smiles as he pulls her up on the railings, and then indicates to his partner. Jasper nods his head and moves towards one of the slower penguins, and with one surprisingly graceful movement, swipes to pick it up.

 

The penguin immediately starts squalling and kicks up a frenzied protest. Jasper struggles to keep hold of it, but suddenly lets out shriek of pain. He drops the bird and stumbles backwards, clutching his bloodied hand.

 

"What the hell do you kids think you're doing?"

 

Lexa snaps her head from watching the horrific scene unfold in front of her to the park employee standing at the end of the pathway, staring at them. Lexa's blood turns to ice in her veins.

 

Bellamy is much quicker to respond.

 

"RUN!"

 

They don't need to be told twice. Lexa and Monty both lean over the bars to grab Jasper by his shirt and drag him over the railing, and they break into a sprint.

 

The employee is yelling at them, trying to follow, but Lexa's relieved to see that he isn't in the greatest of shape. They can easily evade him; it's his colleagues they may meet that she fears.

 

Lexa and Lincoln find themselves leading the group, being the quickest runners. They hear a shout from someone at the back of the pack.

 

"Guys, I've he’s radioed ahead, they're waiting for us at the exit."

 

Lexa needs to think of a way out of there so they don't get caught. She quickly formulates a plan.

 

"Guys, this way."

 

She suddenly takes a hard right, leading them down a much narrower path. It doesn't take long before she reaches her destination.

 

There's a wall before her; Lexa noticed it on the way in, as it was the only section that lacked barbed wire fencing on the top. She had noted it earlier due to this irregularity; she's very glad that she did now.

 

Everyone quickly arrives behind her, looking up in confusion at the wall.

 

"Lexa, what the hell were you thinking? There's no way we can get over that, even if we stand on each other's shoulders we wouldn't be tall enough," Bellamy says, fear in his voice. It definitely wasn't in his original plan to get arrested for penguin assault on their first week of their road trip.

 

Lexa ignores him, and turns her attention to Lincoln.

 

"Give me a boost?"

 

Lincoln nods, quickly understanding what Lexa means. He positions himself beside the wall, squatting slightly, hands out in front of him.

 

Lexa takes a few steps backwards, and breathes deeply.

 

_You have to get this right the first time, we have no time for repeats._

 

She sprints at the wall, and just as she reaches Lincoln, jumps slightly to step into his hands. She feels him push up below her, straightening up to his full height before launching her into the air.

 

_Sure, you couldn't reach the top if you stood on his shoulders, but if he throws you it'll be okay._

 

The grabs into the top of the wall and pulls herself up, putting a leg either side to balance herself. She looks down below her; everybody looks stunned.

 

"Guys, quickly, people stand on Lincoln's shoulders and Lexa will lean down to pull you up the last few feet. The first person over needs to run to the RV to get rope so we can pull Lincoln over at the end. Be careful of the drop on the other side."

 

Clarke's voice is full of authority as she gives the others. Bellamy is up first, and Lexa nearly loses her balance when she tries to get him up, but she eventually succeeds. She has to stretch down a lot more to reach the petite Octavia, but finds it much easier to haul her up.

 

Echo, Raven, Anya, Monty and the injured Jasper quickly follow. The latter yells out in pain as Lexa grabs his hand, but she doesn't have time to apologise.

 

Finn tries to get Clarke to go ahead of him, but she refuses. When Lexa pulls him up, he offers her a genuine and charming smile and, for a minute, Lexa can see why so many girls fall for him.

 

Neither Wells nor Murphy can look her in the eye when they eventually make it over the wall.

 

By the time Clarke, the final person except Lincoln, is assisted up, Bellamy has returned with the rope and has thrown it up to Lexa. However, Clarke refuses to jump down.

 

"You're going to need help dragging Lincoln up, Lexa, no matter how strong you are. Let me help you."

 

Lexa has no time to argue, and throws the rope down to Lincoln. From her vantage point on the wall, she can see that the security guards have finally realised that they weren't leaving through the conventional exit, and are now running down the path towards them.

 

Lexa and Clarke use the brunt of their weight to counterbalance the rope and Lincoln climbs up it. It only takes him a few short seconds to cover the distance until he's on the top of the wall with them. The security guards have nearly reached them, and are yelling at them to get down.

 

"Guys, jump!"

 

Lexa feels herself falling, but stumbles forwards as she lands. She lets out a yelp of pain as she feels as if her wrist has burst into flames, and smacks her head off the pavement. She's momentarily stunned.

 

"Lexa, are you okay?" she vaguely heads Clarke's voice in the background, but before she can answer, she feels strong arms scoop under her legs and back as she's lifted from the ground. Lincoln is holding her, and runs towards the RV, which has its doors open, waiting for them. The van is already near the exit, ready to leave.

 

Lincoln clambers in, and Lexa can hear Clarke pile in after them, slamming the door behind them. Finn doesn't even wait to see them seated before pulling off. Lexa's amazed that Lincoln maintains his balance as he moves to the back of the vehicle, gently placing Lexa down on one of the beds.

 

Lexa's vision is beginning to go blurry, and she's only really aware of the painful inflammation in her wrist. Clarke's face appear before her, but Lexa's head is swimming too much to make out the concerned expression on her face.

 

After a few short seconds, it all goes black.

 

\---------

 

"Guys, I think she's waking up, get Anya and Lincoln-"

 

"Lexa, are you okay?"

 

Lexa slowly comes back to her sense, and is immediately aware of the pains in both her wrist and head.

 

She looks around; she's lying on some blankets in a park area, with Octavia, Clarke, Bellamy, Echo and Jasper gathered around her. She sees Raven running behind them towards the RV, presumably to get the others.

 

"Clarke, where am I?" Lexa's voice is thick, and her eyes are trying to adjust to the hazy light. It looks like it's nearly nearly nightfall; she must have been out for a few hours.

 

It's Octavia who answers.

 

"We're at some parkland about an hour from the zoo. You were out cold, but Dr Griffin here decided it was too warm for you in the RV due to its terrible air con system, so moved you out here instead. Well, Lincoln carried you, but details," Octavia seems more excited than concerned about telling the story. "Clarke also saw to your head and wrist; don't worry, nothing's broken. You've got a mild sprain in the wrist, and your blacked out because of your head thing, but she doesn't think anything else is wrong with you. Although, this does mean that I may finally have a chance of beating you in the boxing ring."

 

Lexa laughs at the joke and moves to sit up, but the world spins before her.

 

"Don't move too quickly, Lexa. Your head's still not entirely okay." Clarke stands up and moves to sit beside Lexa on the grass, and presses the back of her palm to Lexa's forehead to check the temperature. Her skin tingles at her cool touch.

 

"Lexa, I had no idea you were that badass!” Monty is the first to reach them from the RV. He sits beside Jasper, but all of his attention is directed towards Lexa.

 

“I agree with Monty; that thing you did with Lincoln at the wall was pretty epic,” Raven chimes in, much more subtle in her enthusiasm. “Like it was out of some spy movie.”

 

Octavia swells with pride and offers a bashful looking Lincoln a kiss on the cheek. Lincoln looks to meet Lexa’s eyes, and they share a slight smile.

 

_You guys make a good team. Not that he should ever really need to fling you onto a wall again, though._

 

Lexa laughs and then looks to the ground at her feet. As much as she’s beginning to like these people, she still doesn’t feel comfortable being the centre of their attentions.

 

As more people join in, Lexa hears jovial and-she believes-somewhat fanciful accounts from various points of view of what happened. Monty continually makes penguin-related jokes at Jasper’s expense; Lexa has a feeling that he won’t live down being attacked by one of the creatures any time soon. Everybody seems excited about their little brush with adventure.

 

After various people finish regaling the tale, everybody falls into natural conversation with the few people surrounding them.

 

“Lexa, how do you feel?” Clarke’s voice is soft beside her.

 

“It hurts,” Lexa replies. She can feel the place on her head where she knows a nasty bruise will form.

 

“Here, let me get you some painkillers,” Clarke stands up, and puts her hand on Lexa’s shoulder before walking towards the RV to collect the medicine. Lexa can’t take her eyes off of her as she leaves.

 

“You know, Clarke looked like she was going to burst with pride during your little escapade. I swear, if you really were a spy in a movie, you would have been laid by now.” Lexa jumps as she hears Anya take Clarke’s seat beside her. 

 

“Anya, don’t be so loud, please,” Lexa says, concerned that others will hear Anya’s little commentary.

 

“Don’t worry, they’re too busy with their own conversations to bother with ours,” Anya’s voice is quiet but confident, dismissive of Lexa’s concern. “Anyway, I don’t really think you were too much like a spy-you little fall from the wall wasn’t very professional.”

 

Lexa laughs and swats Anya on the arm. “Sorry, I’ll practice throwing myself off the top of walls for the next time that this happens.” 

 

The two girls continue to laugh and joke until Clarke returns, holding a glass of water and some painkillers. She looks to Anya and smiles before returning her attention to her patient.

 

“Take these, they may make you drowsy, but it’s okay if you sleep. You don’t have a concussion, luckily enough.” Lexa smiles back and accepts the pills, swallowing them with a gulp of water. 

 

Clarke sits down the other side of Lexa to Anya, sitting peacefully as she lets the other girls continue with their conversation. It’s nearly an hour before the entire camp eventually dies down into a quiet but comfortable lull. Drowsiness has replaced Lexa’s sense of dizziness, and she knows that she’ll have to head to bed soon. Everybody’s exhausted after that day’s escapades.

 

“Seriously though, Lexa. You need to tell me where you learned to do that,” Jasper breaks the silence, and Lexa watches as a few others nod in agreement to his question.

 

“Well, I-” she begins before Murphy cuts her off.

 

“The girl works out, she was light enough for Lincoln to throw her up, that’s pretty much the end of the story. I don’t know what the big fuss is.”

 

Lexa finds herself shrinking back into herself. 

 

_Murphy can’t even let you have this moment._

 

“Hey, if it weren’t for Lexa, we could have gotten into serious trouble. You should be thanking her, Murphy, you owe her that much,” Clarke retorts, and Lexa suddenly sits up straight in surprise. She had given up hope on Clarke speaking up by this stage.

 

“I’ll never owe anything to a fucking dyke, Griffin. They’re scum. She should owe _me_ for putting up with her so far.”

 

Clarke is immediately on her feet, walking towards Murphy.

 

“What did you just say?” Everybody knows that Clarke heard Murphy perfectly. She just wants to hear it again so whatever she does is justified.

 

“You heard me, Griffin. It’s unnatural, it offends me. We’ve spent hours singing her praises, and now I’m tired of it. She may have painted herself as a hero this time, but she can’t even stand up for herself when challenged. Y’all forget what she really is; a faggot.”

 

The slap rings out clear through the camp. Several people in what Lexa now considers to be the audience gasp, shocked by the drama unfolding before them.

 

Murphy's next move is his biggest mistake.

 

He forcefully shoves against Clarke, causing her to stumble several steps backwards, and raises his fist above him. She hears Bellamy yell at him and Raven jumps up from her seat, both moving to aid the girl on the floor.

 

It's Lexa who reaches Murphy first, through. She catches his raised fist with her good hand and twists his arm behind his back, knocking his knee from under him while his balance is off-centre. He falls to the floor with a loud thud, shouting in pain in the process.

 

"Listen to me Murphy, and listen well," Lexa's voice is an audible whisper. It is for dramatic affect; she wants everyone in camp to hear what she has to say.

 

"The only reason I haven't broken your arm yet is that you were fortunate enough for Clarke to slap you first.You could use that you were physically assaulted as your defence, and therefore I don't feel I have the right to snap your bones like a twig. I can tolerate your slurs and jibes, whether direct or indirect. I can tolerate you pretending I don't exist. What I will not tolerate, though, is you taking out your ignorance-fuelled anger on my friend. Do I make myself clear?"

 

She tightens her grip on his arm for the final question, just to get her point across.

 

Murphy only whimpers in response, and Lexa decides not to embarrass him any more by asking him to repeat it his answer.

 

She relinquishes her grasp on his arm and stands, turning back to face everyone. She isn't surprised to see a lot of wide eyes staring back at her. Anya doesn't even bother to hide her approval of Lexa's display, grinning widely. Octavia looks at Lexa in awe, and Lincoln nods to her, arms folded strongly across his chest.

 

When Lexa eventually brings her eyes to meet Clarke’s, her heart nearly explodes with affection. From the look on Clarke’s face, the blonde is feeling the same way. 

 

She hears Murphy splutter and stand up behind her. She reluctantly pulls her eyes away from Clarke turns to face him again, waiting any retaliation. She stands tall and confident before him, adrenaline pumping in her veins.

 

“Girlfriend,” Clarke says as she stands at Lexa’s elbow, facing Murphy.

 

Lexa’s head pivots towards the blonde, eyes suddenly wide.

 

_What is she doing?!_

 

“You misspoke when you were talking to Murphy, Lexa. You said I was your friend; you really meant girlfriend.”  

 

Lexa feels Clarke’s hand move into her own, holding it gently. 

 

She is vaguely aware of Octavia gasping from somewhere nearby, and there’s a small whisper that travels throughout the crowd. 

 

Murphy stands before them for a few seconds, looking between the girls. The shocked look on his face makes Lexa want to explode in laughter, but she restrains herself. She can relive the moment later, with Clarke.

 

Defeated, he turns and storms back to the RV. Lexa turns her head to say something to Clarke, but she notices that the blonde has her eyes locked with Wells. Lexa can sense the tension between them, and squeezes Clarke’s hand gently. Clarke drags her eyes away, and Wells turns to slowly follow Murphy back to the vehicle.

 

_Not every battle has been resolved by a victory. They’re going to need time to sort things out._

 

Octavia’s the one to finally break the silence.

 

“That was possibly the most adorable thing that I’ve ever seen in my life. Operation Clexa complete.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've tried to pay a small homage to the show in this chapter (radiation, gorillas, sore wrists, occasional quotes, etc.). I've written this chapter on very little sleep, which pay explain any errors in it. I apologise for them.
> 
> For anyone who says that the wall manoeuvre is impossible; I've seen it being done, and trust me when I say it's a very efficient way of getting thirteen people over a wall in a very short amount of time. It's also kind of fun.
> 
> As usual, many of the Lexa/Clarke conversations are very similar to those that have happened to me before, particularly the opening one of this chapter. Although, Clarke's final act for her girlfriend was never done for me, although I wish that it had been.
> 
> Thank you for so many hits, kudos and comments. I'll try have the next one up shortly. In about five days I'm travelling on holiday for a month to a location with no internet access, and therefore no updates. I'm very sorry in advance, but I'll try and get a few chapters out before I leave as an apology.


	11. Chapter Eleven

The conversation restarted after Octavia’s outburst, and Lexa can hear her name being mentioned a few times. She doesn’t pay much attention, though. She has bigger things at the front of her mind.

 

“Lexa, what on earth is ‘Clexa’?”

 

“Something that neither of us will ever say again,” Lexa jokes, her eyes on Clarke. She can feel her chest expand with joy, and desperately wants to kiss the blonde.

 

_She only just came out to her friends. You don’t want to make a display of your relationship by kissing her right here._

 

Suddenly, Lexa feels a wave dizziness wash over her, and swoons slightly into Clarke's arms. Monty lets out a wolf-whistle, and both Lexa and Clarke flush with embarrassment.

 

_Or, you know, just let others make a display of your relationship for you._

 

"Lexa, as amazing as your little display was, it probably wasn't good for your head. You really should get some sleep."

 

Lexa makes a noise of agreement, holding her head in her hands. Clarke cradles and begins to make tentative steps towards where the others had set up tents earlier.

 

"Octavia, I hate to do this, but I'm going to have to kick you out of Lexa's tent tonight," Clarke's voice is mock-serious."Hope you understand."

 

Octavia pretends to look upset. "Fine, Clarke, if you think that it's good for the patient.”

 

“Oh, I think it will,” Anya winks at Lexa, but before Lexa can retort, Clarke escorts her towards the tents, bringing her to the blue one that they had intended to use the night before. Lexa stoops her head as she follows Clarke inside. Before Lexa can even sit down, Clarke gently grabs either side of her face and kisses her sweetly on the mouth. It had been days since Lexa had last tasted Clarke’s lips; she had forgotten how good they felt.

 

“Clarke, thank you. I never expected you to do something like that. It-it was incredible. It means a lot to me.”

 

“I meant what I said earlier. I wanted-no, I _needed_ to make things up to you. You were right, we both deserved better.”

 

“Did you mean the other thing you said?” Lexa’s voice is thick; she thinks that she knows the answer, but she still has to confirm that it wasn’t a heat-of-the-moment declaration.

 

“Of course I did, Lexa. I love you,” she kisses Lexa again, tenderly.

 

“I love you too, Clarke.” It feels so right for Lexa to finally say the words aloud. She’s known that she’s loved the blonde for weeks; it was finally time for Clarke to know that too. 

 

Lexa leans in to kiss Clarke, but her vision once again goes dizzy. She groans and stumbles forwards, and Clarke firmly puts her hands on either shoulder.

 

“As romantic as this moment should be, Lexa, you really need to sleep.” Lexa can hear Clarke’s smile through her words.

 

Lexa concedes, although she wants to stay awake and talk with Clarke. They have a lot that they need to discuss.

 

“We have all the time in the world to talk, Lexa,” Clarke almost seems to be reading her thoughts. “Just come and lie down with me.”

 

Lexa gets herself ready for bed, and lies behind where Clarke had already positioned herself. She wraps her arms around the blonde’s waist and places her head on her shoulder. She feels Clarke move her hand to Lexa’s upper arm. 

 

“Goodnight, Lexa.”

 

Lexa squeezes Clarke tighter as a response. She had missed the blonde’s embrace. She places a soft kiss on Clarke’s cheek. Things were finally starting to look up for them.

 

—————————

 

“We’re about three hours away now. If you take the next right, we’ll be taking the scenic route.”

 

It’s been several days since Clarke and Lexa revealed their secret. Everything has run smoothly since; there had been no more confrontations, largely due to Murphy’s silence in their presence. Lexa can’t help but feel pleased on this front. 

 

They had made several stops along the way; national parks, beaches, bowling alleys, cinemas. Sometimes they slept in tents, others they were just under the stars. Lexa’s adoring every minute of it, because she gets to do hand-in-hand with Clarke.

 

Lexa was surprised by the range of reactions shown by Clarke’s friends. Monty, Jasper and Raven were all extraordinarily enthusiastic and, much to Lexa’s annoyance, had even adopted the use of “Clexa” to refer to them, even when they were not together.

 

_Don’t protest it, Lexa. Be glad that they’re calling you that and not anything else._

 

Bellamy and Echo were also fine with the revelation, if not a little awkward. Lexa had seen this before; it was the cultural hangover of growing up in a society where homosexuality was a taboo subject. Lexa couldn’t blame Bellamy and Echo for the way that they were raised. They weren’t opposed to the idea, but they didn’t know how to treat it as a normal relationship, either. Lexa appreciated their efforts to try, though.

 

Wells, Murphy and Finn only spoke to Clarke on an as-needs basis. All three completely ignored Lexa. 

 

“Gotcha. Get Octavia to call behind to Bellamy to tell him the plans,” Clarke says from behind the wheel of the RV. She has her long blonde hair tied up in a bun, exposing the smooth skin of her neck. Lexa can’t take her eyes off of her.

 

“Well, the scenic route for the rest of us, you mean,” Raven says through a mouthful of food. “This entire trip has been pretty scenic for Heart Eyes over here.”

 

_Another unfortunate thing that she picked up. She’s not incorrect, though._

 

They continue driving for the three hours, along the coastal road. It’s nearly sunset, and they had been in the RV for the entire day without a break. Lexa can see that everyone is eager to get onto to steady ground soon.

 

“Clarke, just turn left here. Pull up to the side when the road gets wider.”

 

“Lexa, we need to talk about Murphy,” Octavia says curtly. “That dick doesn’t even deserve to stay in your back yard, let alone in your house. Please tell me you’re going to refuse entry at the door.”

 

Lexa rolls her eyes and looks back at her friend. “You’re only saying that because you enjoy hating people on my behalf.”

 

“Don’t tell me you’re not tempted, Lexa. I’ll know you’re lying.”

 

“Oh, trust me, I’m tempted. But I’m going to let him in. I don’t need to fuel his hatred of me even more. I’m content to let him sleep under my roof if it helps keep the peace that we’ve sustained for the past few days.”

 

“Lexa, you’re going to be housing two homophobes and your girlfriend’s ex. Don’t even use the word ‘content’ with me.”

 

Lexa can see Clarke shift uncomfortably with Octavia’s statement. 

 

_She feels responsible for Finn and Wells. Remind her later that it’s not her fault._

 

“Okay, maybe I used the wrong word,” Lexa sighs. “But, to be honest, I kind of want to see his face when he sees my house. It’s bad of me, I know, but I do.”

 

“What’s so great about your house, Woods?” Raven asks.

 

“You’ll see.”

 

Clarke manoeuvres the RV into the narrow road. Shrubbery is growing high around the sides of the lane, blocking their view of anything beyond. It doesn’t take long for Clarke reach the lot, and pulls up as instructed. They all get out of the RV, arms laden with their belongings. The people in the van shortly follow and do likewise.

 

“Eh, Lexa? It’s nice of you to offer up your house and all, but you failed to mention that you lived amongst the trees,” Jasper jibes, eliciting a laugh from his companions. 

 

“Well, if you continue like that, Jasper, you certainly will be for the next week,” Clarke quips back. Jasper puts his hands in the air to show his submission.

 

“We just need to walk further along this path and then we’ll be nearly there,” Lexa says, shifting her bag from one hand to another. Her wrist still pains her, but she tries to ignore it.

 

“Lexa, do you live in the middle of a maze or something? It feels like we’re walking into a fairytale land,” Raven says, confusion in her voice.

 

_Oh, if you think that this is a fairytale land, wait until you see the actual grounds._

 

Lexa just smirks and walks on, waiting for the others to follow.

 

About ten minutes later, they arrive at a huge set of gates. Somebody lets out a whistle of surprise at their decadence. Lexa walks up to ring the buzzer, and waits patiently for a few moments. She notices her heart race increase the longer the silence lasts.

 

Eventually, she hears static and a voice appear on the other end.

 

“Woods’ residence. Who’s speaking?”

 

Lexa clears her throat as she speaks up.

 

“Lexa Woods.”

 

“We’ll open them right away, Ms Woods. Welcome home.”

 

Lexa steps back and watches the wrought-iron gates slowly open before her. She turns and glances at her friends, who appear to be stunned. Anya walks up and stands beside her, and whispers to Lexa under her breath.

 

“How much did those gates cost, _Ms Woods_?” 

 

“Probably more than all of our college educations put together. They’re imported from a designer in Spain, hand-cast.”

 

Anya chuckles, amused. Lexa begins to walk forward through them, and by the sound of the crunching gravel, she assumes that everyone is following her. 

 

They continue walking for five minutes, Lexa a few feet in front of the others. She can hear them muttering behind her, and occasionally references to her family business stand out. 

 

_They’re trying to figure out what’s ahead of them._

 

Eventually, Lexa reaches the crest of the hill, and looks down at the artificial valley that her Uncle Gustus had created specifically to build their vacation home in. 

 

She hears several gasps in quick succession as her friends eventually join her.

 

Her house is truly a sight to behold. It sits in the centre of a lake, and several fountains that shoot water nearly fifty feet in the air surround it. There’s a wrought iron bridge matching the gates connecting it to land, and Lexa watches as a car crosses it.

 

_They must be going to the gardens to pick some fresh food for the dinner tonight. The kitchen probably has something good planned._

 

The house itself stands out from its beautiful surroundings. It’s four stories high, and its facade is all arches and tall, curved windows. Its brilliant white paintwork reflects even the little bit of light left from the sunset. It’s vastness is overwhelming, even from a distance.

 

“Lexa, what the-“

 

“You never said-“

 

“It’s a fucking _mansion_ , Lexa, a _mansion_.”

 

Lexa can’t help but feel a little smug at the awed whispers from her friends. The arrogant part of her loved first reactions to the various houses that her family owned around the country. The Miami house consistently elicited the best responses.

 

“Are we really going to stand here all day, or do can we go down already?” Murphy’s voice is bitter, and Lexa can’t help but feel smug about causing such an emotion in him. She can see his dark expression in her peripheral vision, glowering down at the mansion before them. However, he does have a point. As striking as the view is, she knows that people are hungry and tired.

 

“Sure, lets go.”

 

Eventually they make it down the hill and across the bridge. As Lexa approaches her home, she sees a woman standing in front of the pillars, dressed in a plain black suit. Five men stand behind her, wearing tuxedoes.

 

_They seem to be well prepared for your arrival._

 

“Good evening, Ms Woods, and welcome home,” the woman says, a pleasant smile across her face.

 

“Good evening, Emori. These are my friends,” she indicates to the crowd of people behind her.

 

Emori nods at them, and then makes a gesture to the men standing behind her. They walk forward, and one takes Lexa’s bags from her hands as the rest walk behind her to attend to her friends. She indulges herself by watching their reaction to this part of her life. Monty and Jasper have looks of glee on their faces; Lexa can tell that this kind of lifestyle is something that they could only dream of. Bellamy and Wells both hand over their bags, somewhat reluctantly. Neither seem to be comfortable with the idea of people serving them.

 

Finn and Murphy both scowl as the men take their bags. 

 

_It’s probably because these men work for you._

 

When the men finish collecting their bags, they bring walk around the side of the house.

 

“Hey, where are they going with our stuff?” Echo asks, her voice tentative.

 

“They’re going to the East wing, that’s where we’ll be sleeping. I’ll give you a proper tour later; dinner first.”

 

Lexa turns her attention back to Emori, and gestures her head. Emori sweeps her arm backwards, indicating for the group to follow. Lexa confidently leads them up the stairs. She may be quiet and shy in front of these people normally, but this is her home. Her authority is present in all of her actions and words.

 

_You’re not going to take any crap from anybody here, and they need to know it._

 

—————————

 

“We didn’t know which dining room you wanted to use, so we have prepared both. The choice is yours, Ms Woods.”

 

They’re standing in the gaping hallway, and even though Lexa’s seen it a dozen times before, she can’t help but feel overwhelmed by the sheer size. The ceiling is four floors above her, and the walls are all made of a coarse brown stone. It’s truly cavernous. She can see the balconies of each of the floors above her, and there’s an occasional member of staff running to make final preparations for her guests.

 

_It’s a little sloppy for them to still be making arrangements, but I guess you left things a little late when you called them._

 

She turns to her friends, and she laughs when she sees them all stare at their surroundings, necks craned and jaws slack.

 

“Would you guys rather a lakeside or mountainous view?” she asks, trying to sound casual.

 

_Your nonchalance is verging on arrogance, Lexa, but there’s no harm in continuing a little longer._

 

A stupefied silence greets her. Octavia finally speaks up, her bewildered state evident in her voice.

 

“Lakeside, so I can push you afterwards for never telling me you were _this_ loaded. I’ve known you for years and I had no idea!”

 

Laughter bubbles at the base of Lexa’s throat, but she contains it for now. She grins, and turns back to Emori.

 

“Lakeside it is, Emori. Lead the way.”

 

They wander through the corridors of the house until they reach a set of towering stone doors. Two more tuxedoed men stand outside, backs stiff, serious looks on their faces. Lexa moves forward to stand between them, and then nods her head. 

 

_Wait until they see this._

 

The men move to push the stone doors open. If they struggle with the weight, it’s not apparent on their faces. Lexa moves forward through the doors, and even she is a little stunned as to what she sees. She turns her head to find Emori staring at her, eyes expectant. Lexa smiles in approval. Emori really outdid herself this time.

 

The room itself is something of wonder. There’s ceiling-height arched windows spanning the wall looking out onto the lake, offering a breath-taking view of the hazy red sky of the setting sun. The water is orange, and Lexa can hear the sound of it gently lapping against the patio area just outside the room. After the hectic life of living on the road for nearly a week, the serenity of the room washes over Lexa and instantly calms her.

 

There is a long dining table in the centre of the vast space, with one chair at the head and six down either side. The silver cutlery and table furnishings glint in the light of the candles that are positioned around the hall. Lexa notices thirteen waiters standing at the opposite side to the window, waiting for the students to be seated so they can begin the service.

 

“Lexa, this is incredible.” Clarke breaths beside her, voice hardly more than a whisper. The candlelight glints in her eyes, and Lexa’s heart feel like it swells to twice its size.

 

“I’m glad you like it. Come, Clarke. Let’s eat.”

 

She takes the blonde’s hand and leads her to the head of the table. Lexa takes the seat at the end, and Clarke sits to her right. The others eventually begin to file in and take positions around the table. Anya sits to the other side of Lexa, and Bellamy and Echo take seats opposite each other, adjacent to Anya and Clarke respectively. 

 

Lexa isn’t surprised to see Finn and Murphy take the seats at the opposite end to her.

 

As soon as all of her guests are seated, Lexa indicates to the servers who patiently await her command. They immediately snap into action, and carry a plate forward to place in front of each student. 

 

_I see they’ve made your favourites._

 

On the plate before them is an ornately decorated piece of cured mackerel, with strawberry sauce vierge on the side. Lexa immediately feels her mouth salivate; she hadn’t seen food this good in weeks. She isn’t a fan of the student diet.

 

“Lexa, this is so fancy! Do you eat like this every night?” Jasper voices from down the table, bubbling with excitement. “I mean, I love good food, but I’ve never seen anything like this, especially in somebody’s home. This is restaurant worthy, this is.”

 

“Our chief, Nyko, used to run a very well respected restaurant in Paris before he met my aunt Indra. She made him an offer to come work for us, and I guess Nyko liked the sound of it.”

 

Monty lets out a low whistle of surprise. Lexa knows that both Monty and Jasper are very keen on food; something so normal for her must seem like heaven for them.

 

“Echo, I trust the vegetarian meal is okay?” Lexa asks, turning her attentions to Bellamy’s girlfriend. She can’t see what’s on her plate, but she assumes that Nyko had made something interesting.

 

“It’s really good Lexa, but how did you know I was a vegetarian?”

 

Lexa shrugs nonchalantly. “Clarke mentioned it in passing one time. I guess I just remembered when I called ahead to make arrangements.”

 

“That’s so sweet of you to remember.”

 

“Of course she remembers,” Octavia chimes in. “ _Clarke_ said it, Lexa’s hooked on every word.”

 

Lexa flushes deep red at the laughter that erupts around the table, returning her attention to her food.

 

_Oh, you can’t say she’s wrong though._

 

—————————

 

Two hours later, the last of the dessert dishes are removed. Everybody is leaning back in their seats, hands patting swollen stomaches. They are making noises of discomfort from over-eating, but Lexa can tell from the looks on their faces that they enjoyed every morsel.

 

They had also had several bottles of wine between them. Clarke and Lexa, by far the lightest drinkers of the group, were largely sober, but the rest had long passed that point.

 

“Lexa, if you eat like that every night, it’s a wonder that you’re as hot as you are.” Raven says, laughing half-heartedly. 

 

“Why do you think I started boxing in the first place?” Lexa chuckles back. “But it’s not every night. This is a special occasion.”

 

Raven’s eyes widen in faux-shock. “So we’re not going to be treated this well for the rest of our stay?”

 

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course you are. I may ask for more input on the menu just to ensure it’s to everybody’s taste.”

 

“Riddle me this, Lexa,” Bellamy sits up, wincing slightly at the effort. “Why didn’t you mention any of this before? I mean, whenever anyone was talking about home before, you never really joined in. We just figured you had a rough life or something. But this-I don’t get why you never mentioned _this_.”

 

Lexa can feel her cheeks begin to burn as she turns red. As much as she can enjoy watching people’s reactions to her wealth, she still doesn’t like to be grilled on it.

 

“I just never really felt much need, I guess. And it’s not often that four-course candlelight dinners in family mansions built in the middle of artificial lakes just outside of Miami can be integrated into common conversation.”

 

Bellamy belts out a laugh and lifts up his hands, accepting Lexa’s bluntness. 

 

“You know, _Clexa_ , we’re given you time to adjust to us knowing about you guys,” Monty says, words slightly slurred. “I think we have the right to grill you now.”

 

Lexa can see Clarke stiffen at Monty’s words, her eyes darting further down the table. She still maintains a smile on her face, but Lexa can see that it’s not entirely genuine.

 

Lexa reaches over and places her hand on top of Clarke’s to show support.

 

“What do you guys want to know?”

 

“Lexa, do you know that you look at Clarke with such adoring eyes all the time?” Jasper teases, before taking another sip of wine.

 

Lexa playfully slaps Anya when she hears her snicker “Heart Eyes” under her breath. “I think someone mentioned it in passing.”

 

“Did any of these sorry losers know before I did?” Raven’s voice is lightheartedly aggressive, and pretends to glare at Clarke. “I mean, I’m your best friend, Clarke. I need to know if someone got this valuable knowledge before me.”

 

“Octavia was the first,” Clarke says, and grinning as Raven’s eyes widen in surprise. “She found out by accident, Raven. I didn’t tell her.”

 

“By accident? How does someone find out by accident?”

 

“I walked in on them making out in their dorm. It was pretty hot, actually.” Octavia smirks when she sees the expression at Lexa’s face as she divulges the information.

 

_Octavia enjoyed telling that story too much._

 

“Hold up, I forgot that you guys live together. Do you basically have sex all the time?” Monty’s question causes most people at the table to laugh, but Lexa notices Clarke’s eyes focus on the opposite end of the table. She gasps quietly when she realises why.

 

_Finn. She’s looking at Finn’s reaction._

 

“No, we don’t. We didn’t.” Lexa answers curtly, eager to draw this Q&A session to a close.

 

“When did you guys actually get together in the first place?” Raven’s voice is puzzled when she realises she doesn’t know this basic fact.

 

“Oh, I can answer this one!” Octavia sits up eagerly in her drunken state. “It was the morning after the party when Clarke and Lexa were on the balcony, being totally sweet and romantic. Lexa invited Clarke on a jog-which is _way_ more romantic than it sounds-and then-”

 

Octavia’s story is interrupted by the sound of cutlery crashing onto a plate, and a chair being shoved forcefully away from the table. All eyes suddenly turn to Finn as he strides away from the table, not even turning to glance at his friends. The only noise is the echo of his footsteps bounce around the walls.

 

One of the servers opens the door as he approaches, and Finn pushes past him to leave. Emori, face steady, looks to Lexa for further instruction.

 

“Emori, would you please follow Finn and show him to where his room is.”

 

Silently, Emori nods and follows after Finn.

 

“Can you blame him?” Murphy says through gritted teeth. “Clarke wasn’t even single for twelve hours before she jumped on the gay bandwagon.”

 

“Murphy, don’t start,” Octavia whines. “Lexa, I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise-”

 

“It’s fine, Octavia. You were caught up with the story.”

 

“I feel like I should go talk to him,” Clarke says, eyes glazed over and voice like a whisper. 

 

“No, Clarke,” Lexa squeezes her hand. “Wait until tomorrow. Remember what he was like last time.”

 

Clarke’s eyes slowly come back into focus and she nods softy into the distance. Lexa feels her heart sink at Clarke’s distraction. She knows that Clarke had previously stated that she felt like she should talk to Finn about things, but Lexa had encouraged her to wait for things to calm down. She regrets her decision now.

 

Lexa jumps when she hears another thud. She’s somewhat relieved to see that it was just Jasper violently falling asleep on the table. After what had just happened, Lexa can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous the boy looked.

 

“If anybody is tired, I can have one of my staff show you to the East wing. You can chose whatever bedroom you want there. However, if you don’t want to sleep yet, I can have them show you to our entertainment quarters. We have a cinema, arcade, games room, gym, and library. The choice is yours.”

 

“Fuck, that’s so cool,” Raven says, sitting back in her seat to absorb the wealth of information. “What, get them to show us? Where will you be?”

 

“I have something I want to show Clarke,” Lexa smiles softly. She then directs her attention towards the blonde. “If that’s agreeable to you.”

 

“Of course.” Clarke seems to have perked up a bit since Finn’s abrupt departure, but Lexa still sees worry in her eyes.

 

Raven gives her a teasing wink and stands up from her chair, slightly shaky. “Bring me to the arcade so I can beat all your sorry butts.”

 

One of her staff walks forward to attend to her, and Lexa can see the hints of disapproval on his face.

 

_These guests are certainly nothing like anything they’re used to._

 

Lexa remains in her seat with her hand over Clarke’s as she watches her friends file out behind Raven. Monty pours a glass of water over Jasper to wake him, earning more disapproving glances from the waiters. Lexa laughs softly at the scene.

 

She waits until they are gone, and with a slight nod dismisses the rest of her staff. She waits until the sound of the final door closing fades before she turns to Clarke.

 

“So, what do you think?” 

 

Clarke scoffs in disbelief. “I mean, Raven joked to me before that you were a keeper due to your academic talents and incredible good-looks. If she had have known about all this I think she would have tried to date you herself.”

 

Lexa’s laugh echoes around the room. She leans over the table and kisses Clarke softly before pulling back to look into her eyes. Even after months of knowing the blonde, Lexa can still feel herself drawn into these eyes each time.

 

“What is it you wanted to show me, Lexa?” Clarke breaths into her skin.

 

Wordlessly, Lexa takes her hand and leads her away from the table, towards windows leading out to the lake. Built into one of the glass panes in a door, designed to look invisible unless you knew it was there so it didn’t disrupt the aesthetic. 

 

As Lexa pushes it open, a cool breeze washes over her skin. She shivers slightly, and turns to make sure Clarke is okay. It’s dark now, and she can only vaguely make out Clarke’s features as she’s backlight by the few lights remaining in the room they just vacated. The loose blonde hairs around her face create a hazy halo. Lexa can’t even remember what she wants to ask the blonde; she’s too enamoured with Clarke to even care.

 

“So, did you take me out here to stare at me, Heart Eyes?” Clarke asks, playfully nudging Lexa. Lexa flushes, embarrassed, and swats her back.

 

“Just come with me. I promise I didn’t take you out here to murder you.”

 

“Well, once I have your word, sweetheart.”

 

Lexa leads her down to the end of the patio, and has to squint a little before she finds the small wooden row-boat that she had arranged with Emori to have placed there.

 

Clarke takes a sharp breath at the site, and softly whispers Lexa’s name. Lexa outstretches her arm, and then helps Clarke down into the boat. She follows quickly, placing herself in the position behind the oars.

 

“Are you okay, Clarke?”

 

The twinkle in Clarke’s eyes has nothing to do with the starlight.

 

“I feel like a Disney princess. I can’t even find words to how astounding this is.”

 

Lexa beams with pride at the words. “I’m glad you like it so far, Clarke. There should be a basket under your seat, if you’d like to take a look.”

 

Clarke searches briefly under her seat before she places her hands on the basket in question. She pulls it onto her lap and opens it, pulling out a bottle.

 

“I had Emori source it for you. It’s the elderflower cordial that you said you had become obsessed with when you visited England with your parents years ago, but couldn’t find here in the US. I hope you like it now as much as you did then.”

 

“Lexa, I told you about that trip before we were even dating,” Clarke says, stunned look on her faced.

 

“As much as I hate to admit this, but Octavia was right. I kind was hooked on every word you said. Still am.”

 

Clarke throws her head back in laughter. “You know, I’m totally going to tell her that you said she was right about something. You’ll never hear the end of it.”

 

“I can’t believe I just imported two dozen crates of elderflower cordial for you and you reciprocate by setting me up to be tortured by my best friend.” Lexa’s tone is one of mock-offence.

 

“Two dozen _crates_?” Clarke scoffs at the number.

 

“The company had a minimum order. So I really hope you do like it, even if it is for mildly selfish reasons. I don’t know what to do with it if you don’t.”

 

Clarke shakes her head as she giggles, and fishes two glasses out of the basket.

 

“Just pour one for yourself for now. I have places to row.”

 

Lexa unties them from the dock and pushes off lightly. She takes and oar in either hand, and starts to move them through the water. It takes her a few strokes to get into the rhythm of the movement.

 

Clarke takes a sip of the drink and moans to indicate her pleasure at the taste.

 

“As good as you remember?”

 

“Better.” Clarke affirms, taking another drink. “Lexa, this really is too much. Thank you.”

 

“It’s the least I could do. You’ve been through a lot recently, some of it thanks to me. You deserve treats like this.”

 

Her heart beats quicker at Clarke’s smile, and she continues rowing in a comfortable silence for a few more minutes. They’re nearly at their destination before Clarke speaks again.

 

“When did you first realise?” 

 

“Realise what? That I was gay? I think I always knew, but I was sixteen when-”

 

“No, not that. That you first realised that you loved me.”

 

“Sorry, I’m used to people asking me the other question. I think I’ve answered that one before, though.”

 

“No, that was when you first realised you _liked_ me. I’m talking full-blown, heart-stopping love.”

 

Lexa contemplates her answer. “Probably the first time I kissed you, actually. It’s a cliché, but it’s true.”

 

Clarke’s smile widens on her face at the answer. “My first reaction must have been a little off-putting then, eh?”

 

Lexa groans in response. “You have no idea, Clarke. I felt like I was dying on the spot. You’re lucky I was even able to respond to you, otherwise you would have had to put all of your medical training to good use.”

 

Clarke is laughing, but she also has an apologetic look on her face.

 

“What about you?”

 

Clarke sits back and stares at the sky, contemplating her own answer to the question. Lexa fears that she has fallen asleep before she finally answers.

 

“Remember that time we were in the meadow and I drew the picture of us?”

 

Lexa nods in affirmation, and slows down her rowing so she can hear Clarke’s more clearly over the sound of the water.

 

“I remember that I was watching you run, and even though you were only a short distance away-hell, I could still _see_ you-I really missed you. I missed your touch and your smell; I just missed you being near me. I realised then that I always miss you a little when you’re not there, it just took me until then to notice it. That’s when I pieced together all my feelings for you, and realised that it was love.”

 

“That is far cuter than my story, Clarke. You’re such the romantic.”

 

“Says the one bringing me on a midnight, moonlight journey to a mystery location.”

 

“A journey that’s just about complete. Here, hold these while I tie us up.”

 

“Sounds sexy.”

 

Lexa leans over to kiss Clarke’s forehead. “Keep your mind out of the gutter, Clarke. This is romantic, not the time for crude sex jokes. Not tonight, anyway.”

 

She deftly attaches the boat to the little pier that they had just reached, and clambers out of the boat, less than graceful. She turns and offers her hand to Clarke, who does a much better job at a dignified exit. 

 

Clarke gasps loudly when she sees the white rose petals littered along the wooden platform, and Lexa watches as her eyes follow the path up to the small wooden cabin standing twenty feet in from the shoreline. The wonder in her eyes captivates Lexa’s entire attention.

 

“Shall we go in?” Lexa asks quietly, pulling Clarke slightly by the hand.

 

“I’d love to, Lexa.”

 

They slowly walk along the pier, basking in each other’s company. It’s the first time that they had truly spent any time alone since the start of the trip, and each are enjoying the peacefulness of the silence between them.

 

When they eventually reach the door of the cabin, Lexa takes a deep breath and moves forward to open it. She hopes that Emori executed her instructions as she had intended.

 

She pushes it open and even she gasps at what she sees. There are even more rose petals dispersed across the floor, but this time they are blood red. On the wall opposite her, there is a massive bed, several sizes bigger than the girls would need, laden with plush blankets and plump pillows. On one wall, there is a fake fireplace that Lexa had requested to heighten the atmosphere. On the other, though, was what Lexa was really looking forward to seeing.

 

A black and white picture of her and Clarke takes up most of the space. It’s one of the few pictures that they have together; they had taken it one day in their room while they were just messing around with Lexa’s phone. Clarke is looking straight at the camera, smile wide and eyes laughing. Lexa is kissing her cheek, still smiling, with her hand placed on the other side of Clarke’s face. She can feel her skin tingle at the memory. Despite how small an occasion it was in the grand scheme of things, it is still one of her happiest memories.

 

“Lexa, this is gorgeous. I mean, all of this, I don’t know what to say-”

 

“Then don’t say anything, Clarke. You don’t need to. I did this because I love you.”

 

Clarke moves forward to eliminate the space between them, and but doesn’t touch Lexa. Lexa aches to feel the blonde’s touch. Clarke’s voice is deep and raspy as she whispers.

 

“I love you too, Lexa.”

 

Clarke’s fingers dance over Lexa’s jawbone, leaving a sensuous feeling in their wake. All of Lexa’s muscles tense at the contact. She doesn’t move to reciprocate the touch, though. Clarke’s eyes have captured all of her senses.

 

Clarke gently pulls Lexa’s arms from her side and slinks them around her waist, before moving her own to Lexa’s shoulders. The movements are soft and tender, full of the affection that they had bottled up for so long since embarking on their journey. They do little more than hold each other, neither willing to break the fragile connection between them. 

 

Clarke finally leans in and kisses Lexa, with none of the gentleness that Lexa had grown accustomed to from the blonde. This kiss is different; it’s full of a passionate intensity, as if Clarke is desperate to consume the fire burning between them. Lexa gives in to the kiss, intoxicated by Clarke’s touch. She feels like she’s floating, as if it’s just her and Clarke in the cabin miles above the rest of the world, souls only belonging to each other.

 

She can feel Clarke’s heart beat in sync with her own.

 

Lexa has never felt so alive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was intended to be as fluffy as possible. I'm not sure how great I am at writing fluff, but I suppose you all can be the judges of that.
> 
> This chapter doesn't really stem from personal experience. I don't own a mansion in a valley, as much as I would love to. I have, however, been on romantic boat rides across likes. That's as far as comparisons go.
> 
> Also, this is possibly going to be my final update before I go on holiday. I do have an 8 hour stop in an airport during which I may write, but I have no idea if I'll have internet access. So, I'm going to put the provisional date of my next update as August 12th. I'm really, truly sorry about the long gap. On the bright side, I may be able to write while I'm away, but not upload, so I'll be even quicker than normal in updates afterwards as I'll have some prewritten content.
> 
> Murphy, Finn and Wells will all be dealt with upon my return. I will be doing a meet-the-family chapter. I'll also come up with more ideas during my hiatus; I'm sure there's something in the jungle (my destination) that will inspire me.  
> Thank you so much for your support so far. I am truly grateful.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is greatly appreciated. I'll update as regularly as I can, although there will be a spell in July during which I can't update at all, for which I apologise in advance.


End file.
